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He hit me. Was I wrong in breaking up? I feel bad.
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He hit me. Was I wrong in breaking up? I feel bad.

I'm divorced and dating again. My boyfriend has a bad temper. Usually he will swear and yell. Last night he punched me in the face. I saw the mad expression on his face. There was blind rage. I knew then that if I stay in this relationship he'd hit me and I may end up dead. I told him I wanted to break up and asked him to leave my house, which he did. He moved out. He also apologized a lot, but I didn't think it would be wise of me to try. Part of me thought he was trying to manipulate him.

I care for him deeply. He had a rough childhood--was mentally abused by the people who raised him. So, I will always have a soft corner for him. But I didn't like what I saw.

Was I wrong? Can men with anger issues change with therapy? I would like to continue but I'm very scared. I know I will miss him a lot.


    




shutuppauface
Rating
Get over it. Your pity for this guy is handing him a license to kill you. Run as fast and as far as you can.


Cheyenne
Rating
I was with a man who hit me. He broke my nose, guess what...I was afraid the kids would be next. I didn't stick around to find out. LEAVE HIM!!


Always Thinking of You
No what you did was the right thing. My sister has the same issue she was dragged by her hair, punched, yelled at, everything. He recently got out ( Of Jail)and hit her again in front of their kids he has beaten her in front of them but when they were smaller. Unfortunately there are some things we can't change and these are one of those things. Pray about it. God Bless You. Hope This Helps. ;) Smiley


Molly E
Don't feel bad.
You were completely correct in leaving him.
If he has a problem, he needs to get help himself.
You can't change him; he has to be the one to know that he needs the help and to be the one to take the steps to change.

You will always care for him, but you CANNOT put yourself in an abusive relationship.


Showmefire
Sorry but I don't think he's ever going to get better. He may be calm most of the time but that temper is a ticking time bomb that may blast anytime.


Sexy Queen
Please do not go back to him! That is the worst thing to do because he will think he can keep treating you like that. I stayed in an abusive marriage because I wanted to make it work. In the end I was a lot worst for wear and still have issues trusting men 5 years later...You did the right thing by leaving. I wish I had done the same thing.


CarolVA
Rating
Please get out now that you can, otherwise it will get worst and worst!


Lifeisajoke
He actually hit you? No one that truly cares for you would ever harm you. Yea, heated words can be given and taken, but never never physical abuse.. Your in the right, and maybe this will be good for him. Your in the right.




Rho ur boat
Rating
you're right with what you have decided, it's not worth risking your life, your health and respect for yourself for a guy. but it sure is going to be really tough, since you have feelings for him and you will miss him, but he obviously needs help, some professional help. but go along with him with what he is going through. he needs you and he will be better off when he knows somebody is there for him. dont dump him totally. be there for him. it will be better for him and for you also.


♥crazysexycool's soon 2 b ma
Even though there is a possibility that he may change w/ the correct therapy, and alot of hard work by him, i seriously do not suggest that you take this man back, you are out, take that and flee far away from him, physical abuse is never easy to deal with, and seeing that you saw that blind terror of rage in him, that's very very serious hun, and also very very difficult to resolve, he will have to want to seriously seek alot of therapy, and medical attn too, and also it's not guaranteed that he still will completely change, he may go right back into abusing women, so i really suggest that you stay away from this man, even though you may have a soft spot for him, try to stay as far away from him as possible.


just a girl
GET OUT!!!!!!!!!


jumpiejump
Rating
I don't care if he was brought up by Peter from Family Guy, there is no excusing the fact that he hit you. Sadly, you are now the victim of woman abuse.

Stop communication & interaction with him IMMEDIATELY.

Do not give him a second chance no matter what he says/does in the form of an apology.

Physical abuse against you will only increase in frequency & severity.

Even with professional help, the vast majority of woman abusers continue to abuse and/or expand their abuse to include their victim's children.

Walking away from him is a very serious life step you must take regardless of what you think you feel for him. If you remain in contact with him, you will soon become a battered woman (a victim of habitual abuse) instead of an abused woman (which is what you now are).

I'm sorry this has happened to you, but please take steps to save yourself (and children, if you have any).


I love cooking!
Rating
Leave him! Don't feel sorry for him.


Nickname
Rating
It's not your fault he hit you. He abused you, he's an abuser. It's good you left him.


Bl¡ss
Rating
the best thing to do was break up and that is what you did. A guy who you are with doesn't respect you if he hits you so move on sweety okay. It is his problem to deal with and you did the right thing. Don't sweat it. You deserve better.


nobodiesfool_72
It is very common for the abuser to throw a guilt trip on the abused and then the abused feels sorry for him/her. You did the right thing. He is just a boyfriend so thank god you never got to the marriage part and took his last name and had his children. Good luck and move on.


wendybug7
Rating
Yes therapy can help them, but you need to ask yourself if you want to be the maybe. If therapy doesn't work, maybe he will hit you again. Maybe he will threaten you again. Maybe he will kill you. Do you really want to live in that kind of fear. Be his friend, try and help him, but think really hard if you want to try and a relationship with him. And no, you were not wrong!


Jane K
u did the rite thing, his childhood is no excuse, if ne thing he should have learned from it! move on!


JustChillin
your not a cat, you only have one life. It will be a cycle. LEAVE HIM and never look back, NOBODY DESERVES TO GET HIT NO MATTER WHAT


Anna
Don't doubt yourself because you did the right thing at the right time. The only way he's going to be helped by therapy is if he recognizes he has a problem and helps himself.


dragonfireresurrected
who cars what his childhood was
that's a poor excuse for any sort of violence
no you were not wrong in breaking up
what bothers me is that you are trying to reason it out
who cares if he can change over therapy
he should be on you do not ever see / contact list
and move on


Zanydogs
Rating
YIKES!!!

Move on! Be grateful... you made the best decision of your life and lived to tell about it : )

Just remember, in real life ugly ducklings do not turn into swans!


wolfeyes678
Rating
I had a really bad relationship with my old boyfriend he was a nice guy most of the time. But he had called me a lot of names, compared me to other women, and always was making me feel like I don't have a good body and I am not good enough. So my answer to you "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it" Meaning you can take him to anger therapy but only he can make the change if he is willing.


❂Sun_Is_Shining❂
Rating
You made the right decision. Lots of people have rough childhoods and they don't turn into violent animals, so don't go feeling sorry for him on that account. Maybe, with longterm therapy, he may change. It depends on whether he has underlying pathology at the heart of his violent outbursts (which is possible because of the early childhood trauma). That would be an assessment that a professional would have to make. As for him, he would have to be capable of doing the work that is needed to change. An underlying personality disorder would mean it is unlikely that his basic personality would change, but medication would possibly help. If there isn't an underlying disorder, he would still have to commit to getting treatment for his anger. It will take some time to see results. You are better off without him. He is dangerous for you to be around, and, as you have noted, manipulative. Now that you've finally had to pay attention to the red flags, please go get yourself some counseling so that you can address why you allowed yourself to stay with someone like him, when he has scared you on more than one occasion before this. Good luck x


†Evonne†
You said and I quote: "I care for him deeply. He had a rough childhood--was mentally abused by the people who raised him. So, I will always have a soft corner for him."

STOP RATIONALIZING.

LEAVE HIM. He should have not put his hands on you.
PERIOD.

The DUMB thing to do is take him back.



rie
Verbal abuse is enough to end a relationship,I feel,& you've been hit,worse yet...PUNCHED IN THE FACE...what does it take for you to give him up...How can you continue to care for a man that's so damaged ? Understand that he may have an extreme anger problem,& no matter how you say you feel about him,you can end up dead...also,remeber that this type of person can hurt or kill a child due to anger in the future..Would you want your child in that position ? If you decide to see him again,I think you need psychological help yourself.


mon mari est le meilleur
Rating
PLEASE LOVE YOUR SELF enough to not go back to that psycho if he did it once he'll do it again and maybe next time you won't be so lucky.these situations never end good when you stay with the abuser.


Just Me
Rating
stay single trust me...he will hit you again...





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