He is blaming me for our homewrecker situation. why?

my husband cheated on me twice with a woman at our church. at the time, i was away and id never met her before but he told me the truth about it. he claims that he didnt intend to do it but he did and he was sorry. he also pointed out that he mentioned many times that he was engaged and she would do her research on me and come back to him saying things like "ohhhh, i see you like them smart and pretty" and crap like that and even beckoned to him to follow her home after church.

let me just say that after meeting her, i believe him.

anyway, she is around the same age as the rest of the young adults at my church but ever since that happened, her seclusion was unspoken.

her mom died recently and i didnt like the discord anymore so i told him to tell her that the beef is squashed and she could hang with us again under the condition that she respected my household and she accepted.

recently, shes been sending texts to my husband. things very subtle like "ugly" or "anything to keep talking huh" or "i know all of your secrets" and little stupid stuff like that.

i feel as if ive been very graceful and im sick of her crap and i told him to cut her completely off and let her know that she is cut of but he is saying that he doesnt like confrontation and its my fault that this is happening because he told me she was evil and i made this alliance form again.

i thought i was doing the right thing so why is it my fault all of a sudden?
Additional Details
edit 1: HE CANT CHANGE HIS NUMBER BECAUSE OF HIS NETWORK. ITS WAAAAY TOO HUGE AND IT WOULD BE A LOSS TO CHANGE HIS NUMBER. HE IS A SINGER.

Nate

thats a bad and weird situation, you are obviously a very tolerant person who has a deep love for your husband! this woman needs to get excommunicated from the church and from you and your husband.

Howdy Y'all

If he's not taking it upon himself to stop her from doing what she's doing, he's probably trying to keep her on a string so he can go back if the occassion presents itself. You were crazy to agree to hang with someone your husband had cheated on you with. You need to deal with your husband. You don't need to worry about her if he is committed to not cheating, if he's not committed, there's nothing you can say to her to stop him. She's not the homewrecker, he is. It's not her marriage, it's his. Put the blame where it belongs. .

Harriet

Husband sounds like crap. Time to ditch him.

He cheats, AND blames it on you? Nice one.

Harriet

Ravenberri

It's your fault for telling HIM to be kind to her again.

If you wanted to be nice to her, you should have done it yourself.

Do it yourself, tell your hubby to stop answering her calls, and if you want her to stop, YOU tell her to stop. Don't get him to.

It's his fault he cheated, but why should it be HIS fault YOU wanted to continue having her in your group?

yoadriannejohnson

he is still sleeping with her. even though he told you it was a couple of times it was prob more than that, it's not your fault he is the one to blame had he not done it you wouldn't be in this situation at all. she is prob evil because she knows more than he told you. you should make nice with her and you will find out what he has really been up to.

mt75689

Ultimately, the responsibility for your husband's actions lies squarely on his shoulders.

I don't know what kind of church you go to and I don't know why the leadership hasn't got involved with this dysfunctional mess. And I have no idea why you would sweep this affair under the rug and allow this woman to be near you and your husband.

You're an absolute fool and your husband is a gutless coward. He needs to grow a pair and put an end to this adulterous $lut's advances, and he needs to start becoming the kind of man you can trust and depend on. I guarantee you, the moment your husband gets enough nerve to actually put his foot down, this woman will stop texting him.

Good god! What a wuss! I can't imagine a man being so afraid of confrontation, that he will allow another woman to come between him and his wife. And then he blames you for it!

Unbelievable!

When there are church people like you who are so confused about boundaries and morality, It's no wonder Christians are mocked and ridiculed.

dean

It's actually his fault for bringing her into your relationship. Just tell her you no longer want to be friends. If your husband doesn't agree with terminating the friendship maybe there's more than friendship between them.

Jadis

Well, he sounds like a douche, and church obviously hasnt done much for him since he was unfatihful to you not once but twice.

Here is a few things you can do:

Go to a new church.
Tell him to call her in front of you, and to tell her once and for all that her messages are of great disrespect to his marriage.
Cut all ties with her.

I know I would have NEVER EVER let her back into my house. Thats like letting a rotten disease into your home! I dont know what you were thinking. If your man cant stick up for you, and stop this woman, then you need to kick him to the curb.

dobiz_rule

lol... adultery and church in one sentence! i love it! your pastor is doing a heck of a job. you are all real believers i see.....
tell her to buzz off. and it is your fault for being so forgiving. trust me your husbands d*ck didn't just fall out of his pants and fly into her vgaga. twice! i don't get how people can be so blind.

MayO

Leave your husband. You both no longer have healthy relationship and both of you are slowly killing it. And by the way, your husband is lying.

JellybeanLOVER

Maybe your husband should just change his number?

House

call a council of church members and have them listen and decide what to do but you must all agree the council's determination is final! remember it will be in accordance with the bible that way and know one can dispute it

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