He left his wife, now where do we go from here?

Prestige Worldwide

Has it really "worked"? Are you just looking for an emotional connection without the commitment, meaning things were fine when he was with his wife because you always knew where you stood and where things were going in the relationship (nowhere really). If you really love him you should give him space to figure it out and space for you too. Think about why he left his wife and if there is a possibility of them getting back together. You have been "the other woman" for so long just let him know how you feel being the "the only woman". Think about what YOU really want and where you see yourself in 10 years...are you with him? when you thought about where you would be in 10 years before he left her were you with him? Good luck and it sounds like you have a lot to think about.

Mikey

Out of the 7 Billion people in the world, you had to pick a married man? Losing a husband or wife, can be one of the most devastating experiences one can have. You act like what you did was ok. Maybe you are sociopath, but what you did was wrong. I say you should get with him, because if you don't, you basically ruined someones life for nothing.

hotmommadru

just remember what goes around comes around...goodluck

Salt&Pepper Apricot

You said for us to not make rude comments. We aren't going to be rude, just painfully honest.

1. You only know what HE told you. He's a cheater, and you'll NEVER be able to trust him, since you KNOW FOR A FACT that he's a cheater.

2. He isn't even divorced, so this relationship isn't going ANYWHERE.

3. If it worked out so well in the past few years, why are you soooo insecure?

4. Get yourself tested for STds. Make sure his WIFE knows her louse of a husband has been running around on her. If he ran around on her with you, he also slept with other women.

My advice is to end this affair, and find someone who's completely available.

John S

Well now you got what you wanted and now you don't know what to do with it, sounds funny but it happens. Well you and him need to ahve a nice long talk and make sure it's over between them and he won't be going back. But most of the time they will go back so be carefull in committing yourslef to him then later get hurt. If you liek friends with benefits well tell him that's what you want.

Siameseblueeyes

I don't mean this to be rude or flip....but, if he cheated on his wife, how can you trust him not to cheat on you. Relationships are built on mutual trust, honesty and respect. Do you respect him for cheating on his wife? Do you trust him?

Jill

"QUOTE "Please no rude comments about how wrong an affair is.. Maybe so but is has worked for me these past few years"

Well of course it worked for you! You got his good side, while his wife washed his dirty underwear. You got him freshly showered, she had to smell his dirty feet. You got him when he was in a good mood, she had to endure his bad ones. You got all the best in him, she got the leftovers.

She has the moral, legal and ethical right to have the best of him, but instead, you chose to take that for yourself.

And YOU ask others not to be judgemental.

Now that he left her, she is the better for it.

Now you're stuck with him, and you deserve it.

I just hope that he is kinder to you than he was to his wife, when he finds another woman to take YOUR place.

Alex W

Homewrecker.

*will not get best answer for this*

you are correct you are taking that chance of a big heart break.

â™¥ peach palace queen â™¥

how could you do something like that to another woman? what if that happened to you? you know there is a name for women like you.
guess what? he will go back to his wife.

cutebunny1122

Maybe because you have no morals or respect for yourself or other people.

Fool9167

Statically speaking 75% of relationships that divorce/leave their partners for their lovers divorce/end again!!!! Besides that, how can you trust this guys he is was cheating with you on his wife??? Good luck, but the odds are not in your favor!!!

JEEZ, I don't know why we are all so judgment here on this one!!! Maybe because you ruined someone else live and had to hide it from her!!! They have a word for you, but I'm to much of a gentleman to call you this!!! But it rhymes with OAR!!!

need_2shop

I think, no I know if he cheated on her what's to stop him from cheating on you! I live by "what goes around comes around" so where you go from here is up to you. If you trust him and you love him then stay with him. He's still technically married.

nugwan2001

well you start in the kitchen and end in the bedroom. Thxz for the 2 points

MarLo

Think about this, if he did it once he'll do it again, since it has been so great and all....OR walk in her shoes....how would you feel if your husband was cheating on you....and don't say she doesn't know, because she probably suspects, and is obviously right.....

If he really left his wife, then tell him you'll wait until the divorce is final before you get involved more than you are. Then in the future if you two decide to marry, get a pre-nup and put in it conditions if either of you cheat.... coming from a happily married woman.

Edit: Judgemental?!?!....GET OVER IT!! You made some choices here....first you cheat with a married man, "for several years"....then you chose to put it out there for millions to read.....you just want attention.....grow up and get your own life....instead of taking someone else's...UGH....people like you just tend to make people like many of us who have been so "judgemental" of you MAD!!!

Doris L

Do you wonder....if he made a vow to his wife to love her above all others and never betray her....and then began seeing you behind her back......
how long will it take before he does the same thing to you?

I think from what you've written, you may have already considered that because of your concern that he may return to his wife---most affairs do end just that way---with the man eventually staying or returning to his wife, so you are wise to consider that.

If things were fine, and this affair was working for you for the past few years---do you think it was fine with his wife? If you were his wife, would you feel it was fine for him to have an affair outside of your marriage? You see, in all honesty, there is no way to make this type of situation right. People get
hurt when lying, cheating, and betrayal take place.

I also wonder what became unbearable at home so that he left his wife. Did she know about you? Or suspect he was
seeing someone.....and that made their home life unbearable?

A marital vow is sacred. Where do you go from here?
I don't think you really want anyone to answer that honestly....
that is why you wrote the limitation "please no rude comments about how wrong an affair is.....Maybe so but it has worked for me these past few years."
It worked for you....but that is very self absorbed. This man
was part of a marriage; he was not available to you and you ignored that.
I have heard that what goes around comes around......
And also we reap what we sow......
So you think about where you go from here.......

I feel badly for his wife, personally.
Doris

Tifbelle

my experience has been...if he can leave his wife...he can leave you. Maybe you shouldn't be in a comitted relationship with him, til he sorts out his issue's and has time to adjust to the seperation of his wife. Men take a long time to adjust to change.

Vic

I think your afraid of commitment. Why else would you be ok with him being married for so long and you being the side dish? You most likely want to keep your single life and have your cake too... Were you seeing anyone else while he was married? If so, then yeah, you want to remain single and see whoever the heck you want but have him there as a back up right?

Mrs. House

Most people who have affairs should ask this same question. If he cheated with you, he will have no problem doing it again. He has no loyalty, and is just in all of this for himself. What goes around, comes around....and that means he will more than likely treat you like he did his wife.

nannajude

Sounds like you enjoy the attention but don't want the commitment. Having your cake and eating it too. Don't be pressured into anything your not sure of. What's the matter of continuing as you were but he go home on his own instead of to his wife.

Just a girl

Homewrecker!
Guess what, this man will realize that he left his "home" for a trashy homewrecker with you and will return to his wife.

I guarantee you that!

I don't want to sound judgemental but DO YOU have to pick a married man?

Couldn't you stay away the minute you found out he was married and interested in you?

This is ALL YOUR FAULT. I feel sorry for that wife!

kathyw

He can't start a relationship with you now. He's actually had a relationship with you for the past several years. The only difference is that now he's free to proceed with a divorce and marry you. He's going to have to deal with his wife and kids now (I assume there are kids) and that is not going to be easy for anybody. You should just stand back and watch. Unless he's planning to marry you and you two are planning a wedding, you're just the girlfriend involved in an ugly breakup. That is all it will look like to anyone, including all the injured parties. So, stand way way back. He may want to use you as person who offers him a place to hide out until all the mud slinging stops. Realize that is what it is. Ideally, he will get a place of his own and leave you in the same situation you've always had - your own freedom and your own place.
You will just look like his dumb-a** girlfriend if you stay visible and act like his shield. He will break your heart any time he wants to, whether you take him in or not. Get used to that idea.

m g

I am sory to say I agree with the crowed on this one he is not trustworthy. He will "replace" you as soon as you say I have a headache. I would nicely say thank you I did wrong but now I going to find a nice trusty guy to spend the rest of my life with!

Suzie H

I would tell you that you should give him some time to make sure he isn't going back to his wife. You should give him lots of room. Maybe you are the reason they broke up and maybe you are not. Back out for awhile and give him and her some real space. Put yourself in her shoes if that is possible.

Just Some Girl

A couple of things. First of all, depending on how long he was with his wife and what that situation was like, he might need to be alone for a little while. Respect that from him. Have the same commitment level that you guys had before--don't automatically assume that you'll get more commitment from him now--and just let things happen naturally.

I know you wanted no rude comments about being the other woman, and I'm not about to give you any...but this might come off sounding rude, just know I don't mean it that way. You say that you don't want to be hurt if he goes back to his wife. Well, think for a minute about how she felt when he left her. I know you said he didn't leave because you were making him, but still he probably left because of you. Now if he were to leave you because of her or FOR her, then I think that you'd be feeling the same thing that she felt. Just something to think about.

rene1695

Such a similar situation that I was in. The only thing I can say is Trust your insticts and go with what you feel is right. Be honest with him and let him know how you feel.

You are wrong for the affair part now and if you choose to stay with him then chances are high in favor that he will do the same thing to you as he did with his wife.
You do have to consider that he didn't leave his wife for you, therefore you are second choice because if you were first then he would of left her a long time ago.
I would not start a committed relationship with him because it's been doomed from the start. Treat it like it is, a causal thing and move on.

Tesse Malou

You never thought he will leave his wife and that suited you. You loved him as an affair and were not prepared for a "normal" relationship. You shouldn't commit if you don't feel like.
Take time to figure out if you really want him as YOUR man. Maybe what attracted you was only the fact that you couldn't have him because you could find yourself excuses for the things that go wrong in your life, you could maybe complain. Now that he's left his wife, you have no reason for a relationship that does not work. I'm not judging you, but i think you should think of reasons that made you love him and face your issues. Then you'll understand yourself, and i doubt you'll want this man. Unless you commit yourself to this relationship which will always carry the 'if he goes back to his wife; if he cheats on me with another one since he'd cheated on his wife with me".
Good luck !

J. M.

You should wait a wile before you get into anything serious with him give him time to decide this is what he really wants.

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