He said if I were pregnant, he would make me have an abortion...?

debbie m

If it actually happened, he might think differently. Some men can take a while, even after a positive test, to come to terms with the idea of fatherhood, and yet still turn out to be great dads, especially if their friends all slap them on the back, upon hearing the news, saying stupid things like" Congratulations man, didn't know you had it in ya". On the other hand, there are others, who will run for the hills, or deny the child is theirs.[ Like Steve Bing]. I would not like to think that my partner would want to try and make me do anything, especially something I felt so strongly about. You do need to talk about this, even though it is hypothetical.He may try to just brush it off, but it is a very serious issue. If my guy wasn't willing to stand by me, I wouldn't consider him to be worthy of my time or love. Better to find out sooner, than later.There may also be other issues in need of discussion.

slv02

1. Only you can make the decision as to whether you can continue to be with someone pro-abortion.

2. Good for you for taking the right attitude that if you play and get caught you have to pay. However, if he is not willing to pay the price, maybe you ought to think twice before playing.

3. This is an extremely hot issue and his belief that abortion is a viable option has nothing (in his mind) to being caring or loving you.

He probably doesn't want to mess up your plans for the future. He sees this a the easiest solution. Don't deny him his right to his opinion. AND I would hope that regardless of his position, he could not make you have an abortion if you were not agreeable.

Be strong and pray a lot. It's amazing how we often forget to add that little detail.

He can't make you have an abortion.

Blue Foots Eve

I think you're an intelligent individual with a law degree and soon to be esquire who knows well enough when alarm bells are sounding off.

This guy is not thinking of you he is only thinking of himself.

No one should ever say to a woman, "have an abortion".

It is your choice and nothing needs to be said about it.

Find a nice gentleman who respects you. This guy certainly doesn't.

Twiggy

He cannot MAKE you do anything...EVER.

heisleo

All relationships involve compromise for it to be successful that is a point you two have not reach on this issue. Some how one of you must give way to the other if you want it to work if not , there is only one way to the matter. Regardless of how much you two feel for each other u will break up at some point and i will encourage you to think of doing it soon before your heart gets too tangled in the web that breaking up will be to hurting.
Cheers

Anne B

Can't help being cruel. I very much doubt "he is usually very caring". You're suppose to have some 'smarts'. A caring man would never act like this.

fun007

i think he is selfish. before it is toolate think again,,,
you are well eductaed so pls dont make any wrong decisions which ruin your life.. think and act./
i person like this one can ditch you any time...he seems to be irresponsible,,,
may give some time to yourself all alone and think on the relationship.. may be that helps
i agree with you that abortion is murder..and you should fine a good partner for yourself who is not a murderer//

Al B

it is time to lose this guy! One of the reason that persons going to college should never marry is the extremely high divorce rate among graduates because of the change in life style from what you have to endure now and what you will have when you start to work in your field. You will find someone that you love who shares your values when you begin to work and who will love you without trying to control you. If this guy was so caring he may try to convince you to have an abortion or to give up the baby for adoption, but the fact that he said he would make you have the abortion shows the signs of a very controlling person. You love him now but when you are working as a lawyer will you love him when he tells you, for example, that you can't work evenings on a case when he wants to go out somewhere or tries to control you in some other way as well? Just be glad that you found this out about him now instead of after a marriage and remember that you are in love with the person he showed himself to be to you and not who he apparently really is.

carriegreen13

I do not know if you are married or not, if you are not married then I believe that you should find a man who will not force this on you, whatever your beliefs are on abortion, it is your body and it is up to you what you want to do. JMO and only JMO.

Again, whatever your views on abortion are, since this is a touchy subject, always has been and always will be, it is your choice, I think you know the answer to your first question, you want a baby, and he does not, answer: leave him. Find a man who wants what you want and has the same life goals as you do, he, obviously does not. JMO and only JMO.

Yes, he is selfish and irresponsible, if you stayed with a man who told you he wanted you to have an abortion, he wants you to himself, and he is thinking only about him, what he wants, NOT what you want, think about what he is saying.

How can you love someone dearly if he is being a little spoiled brat!!!! There are many people I know of who have successful careers and a baby!!!!!

You picked the wrong man and if you bring a child into the world with him, that will be one bad idea.

You CAN have the best of both worlds, just find another man, he is NOT it!!!!

teritaur

Time to dump the guy and find a real man who WANTS to be a father, This one has made his feelings known loud and clear. WHY would you stay with him? You clearly have different life goals in mind for yourselves, so move on.

You also have a different set of moral values. If he is thinking so fundamentally different on this issue what else do you probably NOT agree upon?

If you have a baby with this man - and I mean you're not even married are you? IF you have a baby with this man, he won't be interested, won't care and could even be abusive. So why go there.
Move on. Find a man who is interested in the same things you are interested in. As much as that may hurt.

Purple People Eater

if you are pregnant, forget him, have the child and see if he wants to stay with you or move out. if he does, be sure he pays you child support... you sound really smart, and you say that he is caring but he can't tell you what to do with your body... so its too bad for him. if he didn't want (to at least risk having) a child he shouldn't have gotten into the relationship. and would you really want this guy to marry you? and control your life?

Christabel

First of all he can't MAKE you have an abortion. Second you're talking about something that might never happen. You don't say if he wants kids in the future and if he doesn't and you do it's time to head for the door sweetheart. People very rarely change their minds on these things and you're going to end up wasting years hoping he'll change his mind.

It's quite cruel of him to say he'd make you have an abortion. It does kind of say where his priorities are i.e. himself. I'm not sure what else to say. Your point number 3 sums it up for me. I think you've answered your own question.

Best of luck

binreddy

Some men have the mindset of your boyfriend and when the woman becomes pregnant, they do a total 180 but then there are others that don't and are totally insensitive. You deserve someone that respects your decision. It's your body, he can't make you do anything you don't want to. I can only imagine if a guy that I really care about all of sudden said that I would be crushed too.

First of all, he can't MAKE you have an abortion.
It might come to choose between him and your unborn child, and your mind seems to be pretty made up about this.
It looks like you have discovered in time a very importand point of disagreement before you had got more committed to each other.
I think that you should have a serious talk about this.
Good luck.

Lydia

I wouldn't be with a man who was like this. Shows his poor character.

will_955

You said that you where a law student/

Then you should know that no one can force you to get an abortion. Or a man can stop you from having one.

I would seriously go back and hit the books.

delina_m

No one can make you have an abortion. If he'd suggested you have an abortion he's not the guy for you. He's saying he'd make you kill HIS own child. Is that sick or what! I'd be very hurt too, I have two kids and they are the very best thing to ever happen to me.

Zelda Hunter

He can't force you to have an abortion or to change your beliefs. I don't think you can continue with him as a central part of your life. If you can separate in an amicable way, it would help a lot in the quality of the relationship of your future child to his or her father.

I know your heart feels broken now, but that sorrow will be more than replaced by the love of your child.

fantasy gal

First if he actually told you he would make you have an abortion or FORCE you to do anything you do not want to do that is a clear sign of a control issue. Since you have been involved with him for 2 years now you should be able to know his personality. You did not mention if you guys live together but beware if you do live together and he has showed signs of trying to control (this is my house, etc...) then you need to run as fast and as far away as you can. If you dont you will only be miserable and we know that is not what you want.

â˜»Cheshire Katâ˜»

My sister's husband told her to go get an abortion when she got pregnant. She didn't listen. She used her brain and kept the baby. Her husband fell madly in love with this child and blessed the day she was born. When the marriage broke up [as it does for selfish people who cannot see the other person's point of view and simply spout off their beliefs and feelings without considering the other person to whom they speak], he fought tooth and nail for this child he wanted aborted. Men talk a big line, but they rarely carry through. Let him roar. You feel one way, he feels another. Should you be blessed with a baby, keep it, have it, love it and enjoy the pregnancy. If he wants to bail, let him. You don't need him. You are financially stable and a loving, moral woman. You have your views, he has his. Isn't life grand?

arkiegirl

Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would leave him, like.. yesterday. Seriously, I would never be with someone who could support something as dispicable as the murder of innocent babies. That would be a definate "deal breaker" for me, without a doubt.

When I met my husband, we did talk about abortion (as well as many other issues), and where we both stand on the issue. It's a good thing we share the same beliefs, because otherwise I wouldn't have given him a second thought. That's how passionate and serious I am when it comes to my beliefs.

There are many things in a relationship, that when disagreed on, can be overlooked.. but I honestly don't think that the issue of abortion is one of those.

Abortion is murder, plain and simple.

Stand by your beliefs, and don't let him (or anyone else) ever talk you into doing something you know you're against.

Take care!

ne0h0taru

Unlike a lot of the other posters, I don't think the issue is really abortion. I think the real issue is that he won't respect your opinion on something you feel so strongly about. Relationships are about compromise, and if he is unwilling to even consider your beliefs on something so essential, you probably are already seeing the writing on the wall.

Regardless of how hot button or simple an issue is, if you feel strongly about something, and your significant other refuses to work with you on it, there's a fundamental lack of respect there. Do you really want to commit to someone who so clearly doesn't care about what is important to you?

jude

he loves u on his terms and if u cross that line where u do something he doesn't agree with he will take his love back. u need to take a long hard look at this man, and see him for who he is, his behavior speaks volumes about who he is. anyone willing to put someone they profess to love through an abortion doesn't love that person and wants love on their terms only and is selfish.

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