He wont marry me!!?

Snowflake

Some guys are simply afraid of this concept of marriage. It seems like you're too far in it to back out. I'd stay with him without getting married. Marriages are overrated, just be happy together.

Don't tell him too often that he is yours. That sounds pretty posessive and maybe this is why he's opposing the marriage in the first place.

The only real function of marriage that is really worth the trouble is legal papers regarding the communal property. If he is not marrying you, make sure you do the papers on the house (and other communal property) in such a way that you get the half in case of separation. I know too many women who were left hight and dry after separation or death of the BF. BF died, house was in his name, his family gets to keep the house. Protect yourself financially, the rest of the marriage is just a theatrical effects that one can totally live without.

Allinwiththenuts

Why should he buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free? The time force him to a committment has passed, way back before you shacked up together, now you have a kid to think about and I hope you wont screw up thier life. Why do you suddenly wanna get married now anyway?

sunshine

Girlfriend hear this you guys should have been married before buying any house together because if you can not get married to you now why will he later what, does this make sense to you because right now you living together and things are working out ok and am sure deep down you know that something is not right by he saying that he not ready to marry. do not stay and let him use you and in the end he gets married to someone else.

lilmissthang025

i just think some guys are afraid that if they get married things will change.. just wait til u get your house done and give him a lil while..

copswife

good damn question....if you have a child and are buying a home TOGETHER then why the reluctance on the commitment......hello isn't a child a commitment and a house? You need to re-evaluate your situation before you move in.

Sticky

I have been there. Men are strange my dear. My stepdad wouldnt marry my mother until 15 years into the relationship. They lived together and shared everything...come to find out that he viewed marraige as a black hole to hell..?? Theyre married now, but it took a lot of therapy! I know, strange. My husband didnt want to get married either. Our daughter was 9 mos old when suddenly during Christmas shopping in Vegas we eloped. Here is the kicker...I HATED not being married! I felt like he was telling me I was good enough to screw, but not good enough to marry, I felt hurt and angry much of the time and got pretty obsessive about it. I never really told him how much marriage meant to me or that (derr) it was a WAY bigger commitment to have a kid than to get married, so why wouldnt he?

Ultimately, My husband married me a second time on our 1 year anniversary in front of everyone and we did the whole formal thing. He probably will never know how much it destroyed me to be rejected like that and I dont think I will ever fully recover from it. But It was really my own fault. Instead of whining about it, I should have told him how I felt then instead of 4 years later. He feels really guilty now and swears he had no idea I wanted it that bad. Im a "roll with the punches" kindof chick, but I suggest you tell him quick that its not cool and you're feeling hurt. Men dont have a clue about marriage or its impact on women.

Wifa 4 Lifa

Tell him that you want him to make an honest woman out of you before you carry on any further. If he truly loves you then he should marry you and make you his. Let him know how this makes you feel and what you want and why. Then listen to what he says and decide whether you want to keep pushing the issue any further but make sure that's what you truly want. Good Luck!!!

Ally

You really can't get much more committed than you already are, so I don't see what difference it will make to him, but I can definitely see your point of view. Show him the answers to your question - make him feel quilty.

jodie f

Just give it time he needs to ajust to moving in together.. have you lived together before that can make or break a relationship if he dont show signs of commitment in a couple of years talk with him.. you dont need a paper to show u love someone

rob e

I agree, think he should if he truly loves you like it sounds he does but one thing is certain. If you push too hard you push him away. Try sit him down when your alone and talk it over.
PS i said talk not interrogate. Your aim is to try find his reasons for being a bit fearful of marriage. best of luck.

Blunt Bloke

He's right. Get over yourself and live the way he wants rather than the way you want to. A big dress and a cake makes no difference.

Just Surfin

You shouldn't have bought the house or lived with him or had the kid without at least an engagement ring.

Why should he get married? He has all the benefits of a spouse without any of the legal ties.

Move out on your own and tell him that if he wants to be a family, then it will have to be a married one.

luvlisteningtomusic

He is scared of commitment. He should of thought about that one before he got you pregnant. He is afraid of change. He does not want to give 50 percent of his stuff if the marriage does not work out. I don't think he is using you just in case he has not found the right one because he would of already left you and not be thinking of getting a house for you and your son. Talk to him and tell him how important it is that you want to marry him.

nwotc4321

Couples counseling! You need it. You have different expectations of this relationship. You want to be married. (BTW did you have the baby because you thought it would force the issue?) It sounds like yr bf wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. Why he's doing this, I don't know and it doesn't matter.
Get a lawyer. You need to have a legal agreement about the house and, more important, about your son's future. Spell out the financial responsibilities and visitation, etc. in case of separation. You are not married to this man, you are business partners. Act like it. Protect yourself and your son.

Jewells

I would not be making babies with him and buying houses with him if he weren't ready to make a full commitment to me. This is your fault my friend.

nwnativeprincess

WHY BUY THE COW, WHEN THE MILK IS FREE.
COMMITMENT ISSUES????

boppinmad

I'm not married hun, and prefer it that way. some people thinks it ruins a perfectly good relationship ( that's me ) but some people thinks it more secure. hope he changes his mind for you if that's how you feel. ps don't pester him about it, he'll hang back longer for sure. good luck!

Noadonis

Typical woman, never satisfied.

Mr. JW

Why should he feel a need to marry just cause you do? He has a right not to do so doesnt he? I mean, just cause you want to doesnt carry any more weight then his not wanting to does it? Next, you all have been playing married so why do you now need the approval and paper? After all, the not being really married didnt stop either of you from having a kid or buying a house or playing married in any other way now did it? So what is the deal now? As to the he is mine. What, you own him now? I bet is a man would say that, you would hit the roof like most women would. No, you dont own him for he is not your property deary.

jessie

sounds like he's made a big commitment in buying the house with you. Just be happy with what you've got, its only a bit of paper anyway

darlene100568

He has a commitment issue.Do not pressure him.If you do he might just marry you and feel trapped and leave you.

kitten6444

you dont need to be married to be happy and being married does not make you happier good luck and enjoy you new house

Ashlee_Hbiba

why buy a cow when u have milk for free. obviously it just a paper for him. i know it means a lot to u but talk to him how important it is for u and for ur kid. hopefully he will understand

Daughter of Jerusalem

What is he afraid of? Did his parents, or others close to him have a bad marriage? Fear is usually the cause for a guy not wanting to make this commitment. I do believe, however, that if he really loves you, he'll put all other feelings aside and marry you because it means so much to you. Wish you well.

flagger

He says why change things? Isn't buying a house changing things. What happens if you fall out and want off the deed. Guess what, no go. the courts view you as just friends. Marriage gives you specific legal rights when buying real estate. There is NO WAY you should ever buy a house with someone who you are not married to. But then you should not have children with guys you aren't married to either.

liya79

men are from mars

melissa

This isn't the 50's anymore!!!! You had a child with him without being married, your buying a house together......what else do you need to see that he loves you! Maybe you stressing on it so hard is scaring him. And with the divorce rate these days I wouldn't want to be a man giving up everything I have accomplished.
If you want the financial benefits then file for common law! If its not monetary then explain to him why its so important and LISTEN to his feedback with an open mind!

storm.minx

Had the same with my ex, we had child, had house, and then it got to the point that i realised he was never going to marry me! gave up trying, and so did he i'm afraid, hense the ex!

take your time, it will happen one day, and if it that important to you, you will be willing to wait!

good luck and be patient! x x x

cocpony

same here. just give up. it's easier.

jaz

i think that you shouldn't rush things because if you do he is most likely to leave. one reason why he might not want to marry yet is cause he is still finding out a way to ask u,it's better if you leave things as they are. by the time you do get married he'll love to the extent of no return.

what difference will it make .. u r already his 1 true love

Dr Bad

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