Help Marriage Problems?

Ok my husband is something else..
We fight over evreything!!!!!!!!!
I try to talk to him like an adult and he blows up.. I cant even ask for an opinion. We have been married for 1 year and it has been the worst year.. we have no kids. When I met my husband I knew he had a daughter and I was fine with it, I love her, My husband and I would get her in the weekends, and 2 weeks after my marriage, he comes home and says he is getting full custody of his daughter.. without asking my opinion, so he takes all the money WE had saved & gets lawyers and attorneys, 1 month later we have full custody. I was working full time and going to college. I left school due to caring after his daughter & he doesn't appreciate it. We recently moved, we both work full time, I work in a law firm and he says that's not work, that his job is work because he uses his body.. well its not fault he decided to NOT continue his education. I get home around 5:30 and its straight to cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting his daughter stuff ready for the next day and all he does in lay , he screams over everything, and he does it in front of his daughter cause he knows I will just stay quite cause I am not gonnna argue infront of a child.. I am ready for a DIVORCE! atleast I think, I feel bad cause I never give up but damm I have caught him talking to other local women in livelinks, and party lines, sometimes even 4 times a day while I am at work!!!!!!! what kind of crap is that , he even called on my birthday and Christmas.. I forgave him and he hasnt talked to anyone that I know about cause I am NOT on his ***.. But he still acts like an A$$... We never talk at night but comes morning he is trying to kiss me and trying to touch me.. I push him away,, what does he think Im gonna give in...after the way he treats me...
I just feel I am trying to hold on to something that isnt real! When I told him I want to go back to school he said well then leave... not sure we will work out sense you hardly will be home... That makes me feel bad he always dooes something to make himself the victim???
I am 21 his 29
what should I do?

Thanks for the advice

ps
we alreay tried counseling with our pastor... it didnt work
Additional Details
I have already left to moms before like twicw.. and he goes to my moms crying saying he will change but he doesnt

Leapling

You are 21 - at this age you should be out partying, having fun, doing nice things with YOUR money, not saddled with a husband and kid. It sounds like he is taking you for granted.

You are a young, intelligent woman and you deserve a lot better.

I married my first husband at 23 and quickly realised my mistake, your twenties are for finding out who you are as a person, what you want from life and what your path is going to be. You will change and mature a lot in your twenties don't let this man hold you back from your full potential.

General Custer

Write him a list of things you want him to do.

Each time he does one, take off all your clothes in the bedroom that night and crawl across the floor naked with your head down an say "Sir I will be your obedient slave. What can I do for you tonight?"

januckey

He's an as*. Leave him. You can do better. A husband is to supposed to support you in your goals, not tear you down and make you feel bad for having them. Nevermind the fact that he cheats. Move on and find someone better.

ak517969

Sweetie , you are being used! I was 10 years apart from my ex (I was 19 and he was 29 when we met), we had no kids. I put him through college, worked 2 jobs, and he still never helped out. It will NOT change for the better. One thing I learned is that you cannot change a person. You need to care about yourself, go back to school, accomplish your dreams, find someone else that will support you and your dreams and not be a baby and try and guilt trip you. You are better and stronger than that. Good luck in your decision and I hope you decide to take care of yourself.

Justin

It's obvious that he doesn't believe you will really leave him for good. So the next time you go to your moms, don't go back to him right away. Let him sweat for a while. Also, check out this website to learn how you can change him for good.

http://www.winyourexbacknow.net

i8pikachu

It's this simple: stop fighting. You can't fight if only one person is fighting.

You married a man who already had a daughter so you're going to have problems and he's going to have stress. You invited this so don't punish him for the stress. When I read this, it became evident what was happening: "We never talk at night but comes morning he is trying to kiss me and trying to touch me.. I push him away,, what does he think Im gonna give in...after the way he treats me..."

You have all the power in this relationship (as all women do) but you are throwing it away to punish your husband. Instead of complaining about all the work you do for his daughter and the home (which you agreed to do when you got married!) look at it as part of the marriage and work with what you have.

To make things better with your husband, if you treat him better, you will see him change. Again, you have all the power. He's clearly wanting to unite with you and let this pass. So, therefore, compliment him on being such a good father (when he does good things), make him know that you are proud that he's your man, when he's watching tv or doing plumbing or whatever, nibble on his ear and flirt with him. Be his girlfriend again. You will eventually see a powerful change but it will kill you to initiate these changes because of your pride.

Never bring up the negatives about what you don't like. Only talk about what you do like and the changes he makes will materialize.

Read: "Proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura.

DeeDeeD

If you are truly unhappy I would say get the divorce. It doesn't sound like he is in any way trying to make things work, from what you wrote it sounds like you are basically a maid,cook and nanny for him.

Get out before you have children with him and he becomes your ex-husband and takes full custody of them. Children will never make your problems go away or get better. They will make your divorce a lot nastier though!!!

Quasimodo

You madam, married a Neanderthal. He works because he uses his body? What an oaf. And an inconsiderate one at that if he blows your savings and never consults you on this life altering situation.

Why don't you discuss divorce with one of the lawyers you work for and get rid of this caveman and have a normal life and land someone who treats you with the dignity and respect you deserve?

MzTinkerbell

It seems to me like you need time off. You should let him know how you feel and tell him you will be giving each other some space to think about your relationship. Move in with a family member or friend for about a month. I bet that he will then see everything you did for him and his daughter, he will appreciate everything you did and realize he is nothing without you, and ask for forgiveness. My sister was in a similar situation, she came to live with me for 3 weeks, and by the third weekend, her husband was in my doorstep asking her for forgiveness, this was 8 years ago, and boy has he changed!! Men just assume that you will never leave them, sometimes you need to give them a scare. Remember, Let it go, and if comes back to you, it was ment to be! Good Luck with your relationship.

tarot_princess86

sounds to me like you are only there for what your husband needs. he didn't need a wife, he needed a mommy!

Satanic Brainsmasher

Counseling from a molester never works. Put out he might be friendlier.
If you don't he will find some friendly woman to give a good shellacking.

life goes on

you should have talked this all over before you married .
if you want to go back to school tell him to find day care or let his wife have partial custody.
youre not responsible for his child .
so follow your heart.

Kattie

It sounds like you want someone to tell you to divorce him. Go ahead, I would.

black heart

one word
back of
if you arent having good relation now you will never be
do like i will do one day
leave

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