Help , is this it for our marriage ?

â™¥Pure Evilâ™¥

Let her go, if it's meant to be u'll find ur way back to each other! As much as it will hurt, u don't want her to be there if she's not happy!

2Cute2B4Got

No, counseling will help. She has built up hatred, because she has not some things out that you have done that really hurt her. She has kept it all in through out the years, and she is hurt. It may be things that you said/did outright or passively. Some women think that their husbands are mind readers, and some men do what they think is the right thing but they have not thought it all out and planned correctly and instead of a blessing it turns into a burden.

Sometimes having a third ear can get both of you to see things differently. If your wife is willing to go to counseling, there is still hope for the marriage if you go through it with her and give it your best shot!!!

Pete B

Just think about your kids, they are feeling it to, sounds like she is not going to try, do it for your kids, get out of the marriage.

Cochy

Unfortunately, it takes two to repair a marriage. Even though you may want it to work with all your heart, nothing will come of it if she doesn't want to. If you are 100% that you have exhausted all resources and she really and TRULY doesn't want your marriage to work, then it may be the time to at least separate. I'm a firm believer that you need to try with all your might to make a marriage work before divorcing, but some couples don't have any other place to go.

Sit down with her and ask her if she really and honestly wants this marriage to end. Tell her how you feel. Open up completely. If she simply won't budge on wanting to fix things, discuss the possibilities.

You love your boys, I know. Divorce and separation is not easy in the least for anyone, but if that is the only way to go, start preparing yourselves and your boys for it. Think thoroughly about how the arrangements will be. Would you split custody? Who keeps the house? Is your wife willing to have a relationship with you in that you can spend holidays together not as a couple, but as a mother and father to your children? I know some divorced couples that still come together during special times for their children. Most of them are friends.

I wish you the best of luck... try not to give up yet until you've exhausted ALL of your resources. Isn't the counselor doing anything for you? Is she or he telling you what to do or what?

julz

Geesh, I feel terrible for your situation. I can only offer what I can, because I am a woman also. I know personally a lot of women hold inside all of the stuff that they got mad at you for through the years. It becomes a big sack of poison garbage in her stomach. She probably has been carrying it around a long time thinking that when the boys were old enough, she could leave. Her feelings didn't accumulate overnight, and it would take a long time to unbury all of them, but I might be possible if she'll get counseling with you. Let her go by herself for a while. Give her some space in her mind to work it out. I hope the best for both of you and your boys!

Lunaeclipz

She sounds depressed-your counselor should address this with her

Fatty

its a bummer, but somtimes people grow apart. and its not normally mutual.

BUNNY

I hope it's not the end for your marriage, Thats sad. Although there have been times that I have ready to bail myself, there is still a love and appreciation there for his hard work and loyalty to our family we have been married for only half that ammount of time, and there are times i'm scared of it going in that direction not because of cheating or not being a good provider but because of his selfishness, I spend most of my time with our 3 children by my self he's there sometimes, but i feel very alone still sometimes I wonder if your working so hard to provide had maybe left her in the same situation. You know, maybe the sadness and lonliness has led to anger and resentment because most men go and do what ever they want..... but the wifes have to bear most of the responsibility with the children even though mine will not admit that. Maybe 16 years of little things has caught up with you. That might be hard to pick apart. Does she ever say why she hates you so bad? Is she depressed? Is there maybe something you have overlooked? I'm sure you have probably told her over the years you would change, but she probably does not want to believe that anymore. I'm afraid your at the action stage now, You'll probably have to show some you have changed instead of just talking now. If there is any hope. Sorry. I wish you two luck.

soinlove081706

maybe shes found some1 else..im not trying to make you feel bad! but maybe she found some1 else....or maybe shes guilty of something! i know its crappy.......but shes gotta open up about something shes hiding

teritaur

Stop whining and wringing your hands around her. It will drive her further away. The ones who want to leave can't handle that kind of stuff at all. you need to do something completely different.
Try these two forums instead. Both are about either saving yourself or/and trying to save your marriage on your own.

Your wife could very well have hit some kind of midlife crisis but doesn't realize it.l They rarely do. They just feel something is missing from their lives and decide it must be the marriage. the bottom two resources are the same website, but one is for an e-book and the second is the forums. Royce's forum is a good one to help you figure out what you should or shouldn't do to enable your wife's issues.
Good luck

you cant buy love you may be the best husband in the world she has lost the love she once had for you as sad as this sound it happens not over night it builds up we fall out of love then we want to move on who get hurt the other party and the kids i hope she will find it in her heart to let the kids be a part of your life hold your head up you will be OK a true love will come to stay love you and except your kids she want miss her water till the well run dry move on you will survive

jelesais2000

This does not have to be the end of your marriage, but some things will have to change. First, whatever caused her change of heart must be explored. She can do this with any competent therapist for the most part. Second, you will have to have Patience. It takes time to sort things out. It takes time to break old habits. She must have patience too. You both have to be honest and willing to change, compromise, and generally willing to make the effort. As for the children, let them know that it's a problem between you and your wife. Don't try to enlist their sympathy and support. It's not their problem and they don't need to choose sides. As for the assets, they'll be gone soon if you can't work something out. Perhaps you could fix up the garage or a room with a separate entrance so you can both live at your current residence without keeping up the tension. Be practical, but don't say that to your wife. You and she can make adjustments and try to work things out. Ask her to consider what adjustments can be made while you're working things out so that your kids won't suffer for mistakes their parents made. You might also find out where you went wrong, but that's based on what she expected when you married.

krinkn

I think your wife is wrong. Your sons will not be 'okay' if yall divorce. You are right for wanting to stay with them. Especially now in this very crucial time in their lives. Adolescence is the most difficult part of a person's life. Your boys need you and she to be there.

Perhaps through the counselor you and your wife can work out an agreement where your shared goal is not a perfect marriage, but rather is a healthy environment for your boys.

Being a good parent means modeling adult behavior. That includes constructive problem solving. Running away from problems (like your wife is trying to do) teaches your boys the wrong message.

Maybe this means you keep separate bedrooms but still live in the same house. Maybe this means she gets a job and starts earning her own way. Maybe she takes a painting class so she can have a new creative outlet.

I don't know what issues she has; but look for an agreement can be worked out that all parties can live with for a while. Make peace while the boys are finishing their growing up. Then revisit the relationship and see if there is anything there to save. Best of luck

KatieJB

I no that a lot of poeple can be sceptical of religious beliefs but if you care about your family you should be willing to try anything. the bible says at Ecclesiastes 4:12: and if somebody can overpower one alone. two together can make a stand against him. and a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two.

A three fold cord, CANNOT be quickly be torn in two, meaning
a husband and wife with god on there side cannot easily break.

you see a counciler but did you ever stop to think about who you are seing? ..... a human someone who has the same problems and probably also sees a counciler, its like the blind leading the blind.

when someone creates something like a car or a coffee maker what is something that always come with the creation,.... a manual to know how to use it.

at 1 John 4:8 it says: he that does not love has not come to know god because GOD IS LOVE.
God wouldnt let us walk around confused and in misurry,
his original porpose was for us to be happy, perfect, and fill the earth. but when adam and eve screwed that up for us he inspired men to create a manual to live by so we could be happy.

pick up your bible and ask for Gods guidance to help you understand his manual, and while you may not like it if your wife leaves, you will have at least gained the ability to cope and endure.

if you want more info,ihave a book called family happiness that take you right to the scripture on your topic.
babykatej11@yahoo.com my email

hope i helped

6@5^&%

sounds like she is just tired of being married

VOTE '08'

I think that there is something that she may not be telling you or something that you did or didnt do and dont know it. There are always to sides to a store and if she really want out as much as it may hurt you than give her what she wants...You should sit down with your boys and explain to them what is going in terms that they can understand and tell them that it is nothing to do with them it is just the way thing turned out between mom an you.......I think that what matter most is your chilldren together and what may come of all this...Who knows but in the end it may be a good thing to part ways after all..

Good Luck,

Charkal.Get.Better

Maybe you got married to young?
But to me, it sounds like she is feeling guilty because she has done something wrong behind your back and she cannot bear the thought of you loving her so much while she has done that something. I think you should talk to a pro like a shrink or try to get over your wife and find another love.

Good Luck to you and your loved ones and I sincerly hope everything turns out the way you want it to!!!

whimsy

There is a lot more to this story... that you're not telling us, or she's not telling you.

All I can say is... be honest, strong. Don't do/say stupid **** that you'll regret later. Try to keep a level head. Be prepared for any outcome.... You must be able to accept each of these outcomes.

Somewhere in this mess, there is a chance that your relationship will survive and evolve into something stronger...

But it won't happen without her contributing 50% of the effort.

If she doesn't love you anymore, if she thinks she never will... she is BSing herself. Love is a decision. And not loving is also a decision. She may hide behind "I don't love you anymore but I can't help it," in which case she's either manipulative, or not very introspective.

If in the end it's clear the marriage is done... if she has stopped loving you for good, you make her know that it's her *decision* and that she's not getting pity from you. But also that she's not getting any anger from you. No emotions from you, period. Cut off. But you be polite. That's my take.

You may consider printing this out and showing her all these responses...

junie101278

I know that you are looking for "the" answer but, the two of you are the only ones that can do this! But, for the sake of it I will say that me and my husband went through a lot of stuff that I won't go into but, I felt that way! I just couldn't get past it and had to be away from him, I had no contact what so ever with him for 1 year!!! (we did not have children together, I had 2 girls and he had 1 girl, all from previous relationships) And I bumped into him one day right before x-mas and we talked and within 2 months me and my girls moved back in and it was almost like all that "baggage" was just gone or we didn't care anymore, whatever it was it worked for us and we are still together and very happy! Our relationship is totally different now, we realized that we both had faults and that we could look past them! Now that is a little harder with you having kids but maybe a little time apart will be good for you! Every relationship is different so it might not mean much but I wish the best for you and you family!! Hopefully she will learn how to get past things and love again!! Good Luck!!

Poppy

She's got a problem dude. Very unstable. You should attempt to gain full custody for the safety of your children.

eldots53

I am suspicious of your wife - she does not want to go to counseling, because she will cry the whole time?!! Sounds very manipulative. A good counselor usually finds that there are two sides to every story - she, however, is not participating, and has basically already checked out. She could have said something long before; didn't have to let it get to this point. I think it is over, though. I'm sorry. But your kids will still be okay, at least they won't be living with a lie.

pplz1st

if it weren't for you,she may not have the boys...do you buy her gifts?take her places-out to eat? movies?bring her Fair Trade chocolate?spend time at home with her,share the remote?.....just because you get divorce doesn't mean they do...maybe she has a hormone imbalance,or she's nuts.

biglou

does she have crazy mode swings?? does she look at you like she wants to kill you some times?? does she cry for no reason some times?? in her eyes is everything your fault?? is she mean to the kids sometimes?? is she very mean about 2 weeks before her period?? have her see her doc. it could be p.m.d.d. i been seperated for almost 2 years she seen her doc. and they are trying to find the right meds... good luck

ellen degenitals

apparently the counseling isn't working then.

Kitten

- I have never cheated , always provided , and never abused her
I am sorry, but that's not enough for a woman to be happy. Sounds like she has reached a point where she is refusing to be miserable anymore and "trying" is not enough at this point. I do have a suggestion, it saved my marriage when I was done and ready to take my daughter and walk out.
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
It made my husband see what it is he was and wasn't doing, and why I was so miserable. It made me see some things about myself as well.
Since your wife is willing to give it a try, I thing this could really help.
Good Luck!

luvkisses

she don't sound like a very good person the kids know when things aren't right so its probably better for you 2 to be apart.

Brandi

Is there a medical reason that she is acting like this? Depression? Mid life changes? Her cheating (hey just putting it out there).... If she has not been checked, then maybe she should be, and as for your kids they are old enough to have a say in what direction thier lives go. Let them deceide where they live and with whom. Support what THEY want, that is all you can control.

kittykris2002

Love is patient, love is kind...Corinthians 13:4-8
A marriage takes work from the beginning, I have learned this the hard way. Both people have to want the same goals and have similar values and morals. If she was so unhappy for years, and you did not know, she has communication and honesty issues. If you are being honest, and want to go to counseling, ask the counselor for advice privately, if the hatred and crying won't stop. Sometimes it is just best to part and mend for the children, so you can co-parent effectively without being married to each other. Drama = Trauma for kids. You are doing the right thing by seeking professional help but you cannot force a woman to love you if she truly doesn't.

randy

sound over to me. Been there, done that. I married right out of highschool. lasted 6 years. I went out of town to help a relative move and came back to an empty house and two starving dogs. She gave my $9000.00 worth of tools away, sold the cars, cleaned out the bank accounts, maxed the credit cards and beat feet with her new boyfriend. I was devastated, just barely held on, filed for divorce and got a little back, but not very darn much. I was also stuck with all the unpaid bills she had run up etc. I made it thanks to friends. started a new life, remarried 5 years later and have been with the same great lady for the last 24 years. It won't be easy, but you can do it. And trust me, those kids will have a better life with you than in an obviously unhappy household. So, make sure you file first and ask for full custody. you can settle for equal custody. I did, then a year later, she realized that the kids cut into her social life, and I actually "bought" her share of the custody from her. My kids think of my current wife as "mom" and don't even try to contact their biological mother.
Good luck.

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