Her husband came onto me. Advice, please?

I'm friends with a woman who lives down the street. In a way she's more like a mother figure to me I guess.. she and her husband are about15 years older then me, but I like to hang out with her and her kids sometimes (normally when her husband is at work). We take walks together, she invites me to the beach with them, and I watch her kids occasionally when she goes to the gym. She's nice and fun to be around, gives me advice when I need it.

I'm not that close to her husband and don't think I should be anyway. He stops me if he sees me out somewhere for a chat, and I politely keep it going as little as I have to. Other then that we're rarely alone.

Anyway, I was watching her youngest kid for her while she went to the gym to work off the pregnancy weight she hates and he walked in the door right after I got the baby to sleep. I start getting my stuff together to leave because I figured he could take over. He asked me what the rush was and if I could stick around for a little while. I tried to think of some excuse to leave and couldn't, so I stayed in the kitchen area ready to leave when I saw the opportunity.

He asked me about how school was going, what classes I had and all that, if there were any guys I had an eye on, and blah. He complimented my looks and said I could probably have any guy I wanted. By that point I was feeling uneasy. While talking he went into the kitchen area to get himself a drink and stayed there.. well next thing I knew he was WAY too close for comfort and had his hands on my arms, his face was too close. At that point I was saying nothing because I felt like a deer caught in headlights, especially when he confessed to liking me. I'm not used to advances, let alone ones from married men.

I did the only thing I could think of and left as fast as I could without looking back. I feel so disgusted with myself now. I think I should tell her but I don't know how to. it will probably mean the end of us spending time together... she might even hate me. I don't know :( just feeling really sad, confused and like an ugly person right now

SuzyQ

I would quit hanging out. When she asks you why, ask her to talk to her husband. You shouldn't have to explain anything. You don't come out and say what you did but since you feel disgusted with yourself, I can only imagine. You can't take back what happened. Your friendship with this family will never be the same anyway. The relationship you have is or will be compromised by what happened whether she knows exactly what happened or not. Best of luck to you. Next time a married man comes on to you, leave.

R.J.

If youÂ´re under18. Report him. If not get over it. Other married men have probably already set an eye on you. If your friendship is so important ,then you could turn the tables by talking to him alone at a distance and threaten to tell on him if he doesnÂ´t knock it off immediately.

Charles D

This is just my opinion but I don't believe I would not tell her but make it clear to him that you will tell her if he doesn't back off. If he still comes on to you then tell her. You may lose a friend but you don't need that kind of trouble. Stand up to him. What's the worst than can happen?

Miss BHave

Been there and know how you feel. I never told the wife, because as you tend to be, I was the babysitter and I liked her a great deal since she was almost close to my age. And eventually, they divorced anyway. It is up to you whether you tell her, or just stay away from her husband and dont ruin your friendship. But she does deserve to know, so its a hard call. Think about the repercussions and then make your decision, because she may be grateful to you for being open with her, or be threatened by you and turn on you. Its a hard choice, but think about what you want the outcome to be before making your decision.

Beautiful Intelligent Faith Base

I would let it go for now, just this one. However, would ensure I was never placed in that situation again. As well, if it did happen again, I would politely tell him how you feel about what he said. Then tell him you are going to tell his wife. When you do tell her make sure he is right in the same area, so you can confront the issue with him right there. Tell him to tell his wife or repeat to his wife what he said to you.

Kiely M

That is uncomfortable, I think we have all been in some situation like this. Men are... too bold sometimes. You did the right thing by leaving when you could. I wouldnt tell her though, yes she would be hurt but she might just think you are jealous and that you like him. Because trust me, he will deny it till his deathbed. Men like that always do, they turn it around on the girl. If you want to keep her friendship then just keep staying far away from him, or be really bold and the next time he tries to get close tell him you respect his wife a lot and that he needs to stay faithful to her.

David H

Don't blame youself for what has happened - its not your fault - its 'all his' and he knows it. You've done the 'right thing' by walking away from the situation - but ofcourse - its the end of your friendship with 'this morons' wife. If you continue seeing her 'he's' going to think your OK with his 'unwelcome advances' and he will try it on again. So you've got no choice but to stop seeing her.

If you confront the wife about all this - she will see it from another point of view - and may accuse you of 'leading' him on - as 'he will say' if she confronts 'him' with whats happened to 'defend himself' - you 'lose either way' - you've lost a good girl friend through 'no fault' of your own. Just 'fade' the friendship out - and give the impression you've got other things to do and people to meet - what else can you do ? .............. nothing.!!!!

You are 'not' an ugly person and don't be confused - 'he' tried it on and he came 'unstuck' - as I've said 'none of this is your fault' - you've handled a 'rotton situation' very well - sadly its all part of the life we have. Get yourself 'out and about' with your other friends and 'try' and put this all behind you.

Lady

I'd talk to her and let her know. Maybe she already knows what he is like anyways and apparently she does if he is never around when you, your friend and the kids are all together. Drinkers have a change in behavior too. It may be the alcohol talking and when he is not drinking, he is different. You didn't mention what drink he went for, but alcohol can do this to a person. Next time, get out and give him a excuse that you have to leave. Just leave! Don't put yourself in that situation again.

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