His house or mine?

keithleyjustin

Why dont u rent your house out. But if you are going to sell your house you need to make sure your name also goes on his house and that you take the money you made on the house and use it in your family ect.

kyle

look for a new place together

amandafofanda66

I don't understand why there is an ultimatum to this engagement. Sounds like he's more interested in the house than you.

mark

Well, his ultimatum shows he is not willing to compromise, so be aware of this. However, I would sell both houses and move to a neighborhood that is selected by both of you as a couple.

Brent

Both of you should let go of your house and find one where you are both satisfied. This will be a good exercise to see how well you do at major decision making.

nailgal2005

Marriage is about partnership and compromise.
If one partner is giving ultimatums and putting conditions on the relationship and you're not even engaged yet, I'd consider that a HUGE red flag!
Sit him down and try to come up with a compromise, maybe a new house that both of you can agree on. Ask him his reasons for wanting to stay in his house and let him know yours.
If you two can't compromise on this I'd seriously re-think the whole idea of marriage.

#1 Lucy Fan

Is his neighborhood gang infested or full of drug dealers? If not then you might want to consider moving in with him. you can always try to convince him later to move. But you don't want tp lose a good thing because you don't care for his neighborhood.

Lil's Mommy

Well, if you really want to make this work and want to be together why don't you both sell your houses and find one that you both can agree on. That would solve the solution of having to choose. Or you can agree to move into his for the first couple of years, and when you are ready to start your family together tell him that you'll want to move to a better neighborhood to raise the kids. If you two are ready to make that commitment you'll find a way to work it out, just make sure you sit down together and talk it through.

martiek7

What you need to iron out before marrying is the time frame in which you plan to have a family and where you would want to do that. Is there a reason such as it was his family home, for not wanting to move or is it that it's just bigger and you would be selling and planning to move at a later time before children. Could it be that his mtg. is less then yours, there are many factors not mentioned here?

Lydia

Sell both houses and start fresh. Buy a new house after you get married.

eviltruitt

I disagree with all of the people that say that marriage requires comprimise. I think that the more you have to comprimise, the more it shows that you are with the wrong person for you. He obviously loves this house and doesn't want to move. If you don't want to live there, then don't marry him. Simple.

Besides that, you've only been dating for a year, why is there such a rush to get married? It doesn't matter how long you've known him before you were a couple, once you become a couple, it takes YEARS to get to know someone well enough to marrry them. Also, if you do get engaged, you should live together for at least a year before getting married, because dating and living under the same roof are two totally different things, and you have no idea if you'll be able to stand living with him long term.

You don't sound ready to get married at all, and I would suggest taking some time and really trying to decide what you want, and if you can get what you need from him.

wish I were

You don't put conditions on an engagement! Tell him you don't want to marry someone who would do that to you! He'll snap around quick! Got to train them right from the beginning honey!!

Sell both houses and buy one that is yours together!

wifeymaterial92

well see if you and him can work it out tell him that you wouldnt want to raise a family i think he'll understand

Mary O

Move in with him if it becoames a problem then you can always sell his home and get another one and if you have your own home i would rent it out and not sell it.

Mackenzie

I am recently married and we moved into his house not mine. In your situation i would just move into his house. Its normal to overreact in this kind of situation but don't let it get to you. Tell him when you guys are talking about having kids that you would rather raise a family somewhere different. Or you could just tell him that you feel that raising your kids in a better neighborhood would be better

Just here.

Well, you have to sacrifice in marriage. You have to give up things you love sometimes...and so does he...If you love him just do it. Dont get in this fight....Its silly.

brideofsatan_1

You two have to compromise. Maybe move in with him for the first couple of years but sit him down and tell him how you feel about raising kids in such a neighborhood. You may tell him that you wish they could start a home together-one with a clean slate and in which you could create lifetime memories in.

pamomof4

Marraige is about compromise. Can I suggest something? How about neither one of your homes? Suggest making a "new start" ...a new home for your new life together. That way you can both have some imput.
No matter what you decide to do...If you both love each other you shouldn't let a house get in your way.
Good Luck!

benz s55

I think that what you both should do is put both houses on the market and sell them. Then you go out and look for a place that you both can call "home" and it will be a fresh start for the both of you and you won't have any past memories that you had with other people either. After all, marriage is about start a new life with your partner, your spouse. See what he says to that idea. =)

Mean Carleen

Both of you should sell and the 2 of you purchase a house TOGETHER.

Alissandrya

These are not silly questions- these are the real life issues that break up marriages. When they say love is not enough, this is exactly why. Living with someone means compromise and sometimes it is an issue you just cant compromise on- Is this an issue you could concede? Or is this very important to you. How you work out these issues is a bigger determinate of if you will stay together- NOT how much you love each other.

jonni_hayes

Are you both renting or buying, and how about an agreement, reguardless of who's home you move into after your engaged....but agree to a specific time when you will get a home together....or maybe try to find one now and agree on a date to move....like when you return from honeymoon.....and if the living arrangments are a problem now and you don't get it resolved, I guarantee it you will have worse ones in the future, meaning that if you give in to this well you won't forgive yourself either way......try to come to an agreement about where you both would like to live and grow together not apart.....do some research...

Sandman

Don't get engaged or married until you both agree.

My suggestion is that since you can't agree, you both sell your places and move into a place you can agree on.

Don't let him bully you. If you give in you run the risk of being miserable.

momma J

I think that you should follow your instincts and if you feel that that isn't the best place to bring up a family then tell him how you fell about the situation.

Kim

If you both own your homes, sell them both and then decide where you both would be happy living, purchase a home together, 50/50. Put whatever you each have left into the bank and there is your nest egg for your retirement! Remember if you are planning on getting married you are both going to have to compromise and communicate,

SGT. Dillers Wifey

after you get married move in with him, just wait a while and then talk about relocating before oyu have a family, bring good points and facts about crime rates and school ditrcts.

vmaxer85

O-k well if he is already giving you ultimatums than maybe you should ask him what is really important to him.being with you are where he lives? I say you ditch the idea of all this till he proves to you he really does love "you". If you truly believe he does and wish to make this work without further problems I say you make a compromise and both agree that after you get engaged, that you both go out and find a new place that is both of yours and can be built with new memories.If he says no way than tell him maybe he should marry his house if it means that much to him,or learn to be a big boy and let go of his security blanket.
Good Luck!

ciberpunk1

You are not overreacting. But this is interesting. There doesn't appear to be a good compromise. You have valid reasons, and hopefully you have been clear in communicating them. I would suggest not rushing getting engaged. There may be deeper topics still yet to be explored if you are having these issues now. Does he want kids? What kind of environment does he want them growing up in?

Austins Mom

Why don't you both sell your houses and take the money and buy one together? That way you could both pick something out together, that you both want and in a neighborhood that you both like? That would solve a lot, and unless he has control issues I don't see why it would be a problem.

Whitney P

You have to both be able to compromise. if you've been together this long I'm sure you know that. So ask yourself how important are those factors in making you not be with him? We all have to make sacrifices and if we wanted to give them up it would't be a sacrifice : ]
Just make sure it's worth it to you and that your desicion reflects what is important to you.

syns_pleasure

You need to sit him down and talk to him. Let him know how you feel about this issue and that you two should consider a compromise. Find a new house together, explain to him that this way both of you are starting fresh together, nothing from the past to interfere with the future that the two of you are trying to build.

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