Honest answers please. my husband hit me, I'm leaving, is it ever ok?

Ericka

You are in a abusive relationship. Right now he is only hitting you but later it will escalate and he could very well END your life. No one deserves that. My advice would be to call your local womens shelter and seek counseling. You will need to file for a Protective Order through your court. Also call your local police station...they will have a domestic violence advoctae that could assist you......ask about the Crime Victims Compensation. This money could help you relocate so you will stay safe. Remember the most dangerous time to leave an abuser is when you are Leaving. Have a plan of action. Put together a bag of important papers, clothing and important thigs you will need in case you need to leave quickly.

WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE

run run run forget the counseling

isis

Get out, stay out and don't go back...it is NEVER OK.

Dawnwalker

Honestly i think any man that hits a woman doesn't deserve a second chance. I would go with your plan to move in with your sister and forget about the counseling because i can't imagine that anyone that's physically and mentally abusing you will ever change.

And you say this is "usual" behavior for him and frankly that's anything but normal for any man to do to any other person, let alone the woman he married and claims he loves.

Please don't be one of those woman who thinks that he can change and goes back to his abuse. Leave him because you need to be true to yourself and have respect for yourself. He obviously has no respect for you.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

If he lost his temper and it was a one time thing and he felt incredibly horrible about it, I would tell you to try to work things out. But you need to get out of this situation as fast as you can.

Tell your friends, I know you are embarrassed but they won think any less of you. In fact they will probably want to kill him. You are not to blame for any of his actions. Get out fast!

daisyrose

charge him with assualt ... leave him right away , before it to late . no women need to suffer the abuse..................

AnswerGuy

Leave him and never look back. His actions indicate a deep disconnect. Walk away and never return, do not believe his apologies and lies, no second chances. The violence will likely escalate and one day he may even kill you, when you least expect it.

wei_bei_li

of course, do you really need to ask?...but not so sure about the counselling thing... it's my experience, not personal I hasten to add that once a hitter always a hitter, he'll do it again...

Green-eyed Nikki

it is NEVER ok for a man to hit you for any reason. he is emotionally and physicall abusing you and that will never be ok either. you are entirely in your right by leaving. you have to protect yourself and not worry about what anyone else thinks. I wish you luck with getting out of that awful relationship. email me if you ever need a friend.

bluechick

If your husband gets mad enought to hit you, no amount of counseling can change him. Just leave now, its only going to get worse. Maybe he will get better one day, but don't be the woman that has to get hit a thousand times more to find out when that day comes. He might be a good man underneath it all... but there is better out there for you.

Life is to short to wait until him might change one day.

Diana

I am very sorry to hear what has happened to you, suggest that your partner take anger management classes, your doing the right thing by getting out of town. Do you have children if so, do you want them to see this kind of behavior and think this is how relationships are? do you want to stick around and take more hits???

susie

Just leave and move on with your life. Why risk ever going back? Find someone that you can be truly happy with and be treated the way a woman should be treated. No woman deserves to be treated the way you say he does you.

Laurie Lee

Sweetheart, you really ought to go to a local shelter for abused woman and children and join a support group. Can people change yes. Will he? Not unless he sees the errors of his ways, gets into serious counseling, and recognizes, himself, that HE is an ABUSER.

It is good that you left and went to your sisters. DO NOT GO BACK until YOU figure out why you would want to be with a "man" like that. Did you know many abusers kill their spouse when the spouse reaches out for help? Look on the internet. You will learn a lot. One woman was shot to death on the court steps as she tried to do the right thing for herself.

PLEASE, PLEASE get help for yourself. Never mind him. YOU are what counts in this situation. He will cry, beg, promise and swear up and down that it "will never happen again" but it will. He is sick and you are smart and on the right road to living a happy, abuse-free, serene life. We all have only one life to live, this time, so do what is right for you.

If you had only five years left to live, what would you do with your life? Life is too short. Be strong. Lots of love ~ Laurie Lee

ramni222

you don't want to live in an abuse situation.

you don't want your life to be unhappy.

if he hit you once , he will hit you again and again.

what you want your life to be like is important.

in addition, he is a coward.

i bet he would never hit a guy who could serve up a serious *** whipping on him.

let me repeat, he would never hit a guy who could serve up a severe *** whipping on him.

Lele44

It is never okay for him to hit you. Yes, it is best that you leave. It seems like he has issues that reach far beyond your marriage, and it is best that you do not subject yourself to one with such unstable behavior.

You may want to seek counseling without him so that you can move on with your life.

Liz

He is abusive. Get out. Work really hard on YOURSELF and FORGET trying to change him - you can't change someone else. Get some therapy, and if you work really hard, hopefully you will be open to a truly loving, kind man who would NEVER abuse you. It takes time, but you can do it.

Leather

Its never ok to hit a women.
Its against the law in every state.
Leave now. He'll do it again.
Don't be dumb.

kitkatish1962

call 911,, get a restraining order! He will never change!

D'archangel

If he goes to counseling and changes his ways, it's OK to go back to him. If he won't do the counseling, you need to get a lawyer. If he won't change, you need to get a lawyer. If you even suspect that he's likely to relapse even after the counseling, you need to get a lawyer.

Shannon H

It is never okay for him to hit you. Ever. It is not okay to push, hit, force....nothing! It's not okay to call you names or call you down, etc. NEVER! I know where you are...been there, done that, and you are doing the right thing in leaving.

The thing about counselling is that it may and may not work. If you go back to your home state to try to reconcile with your hubby, you should consider having a separate residence for awhile. Go to the counselling with him and try to feel out where he is. If he's serious about getting back with you, he will 1) show remorse 2) attend the counselling regularly 3) try to prove to you in every way he can think of that he's wanting to change and wants you back. So, kudos to you for having the guts to leave and MORE kudos to you for not only leaving, but leaving the state!

It might not be such a bad idea to talk to your friends. I know it's embarrassing (been there, done that, remember?) but I found that more people knew what was going on that I thought did. I found that people drew conclusions for themselves that something was not right with the relationship and they didn't really need to be told. I think you'll find your friends are quite supportive and maybe can even identify with you more than you think. You will need all the support you can get in the next few months...especially if you're going to try to reconcile with this guy. When violence is involved too, you need someone to know it's happening so they can watch out for you and so that if something happens, someone is able to account to the police that there has been previous incidences.

If you do get back together, please make sure that you don't go straight back to the house. Make him fight for you. Get that apartment or stay with a friend for a couple months. Make him work hard to get you back. If he doesn't fight, he's not going to change and you'll be going back into the exact thing you left.

Please take care. I will be thinking of you. Good luck.

Brittany

I wouldn't get back with him. I had a boyfriend who did this to me and I thought counseling would be ok and that in the end everything would be just fine. Wrong! He was ok for about a week and then, he couldn't help himself and it continued. He ended the relationship which was good because I don't think I'd ever get that he wouldn't change. Your husband might, but I highly doubt it. Abuse to women that you "love" is just wrong. If he really loves you, he wouldn't abuse you. Get out now and stay out. Save yourself while you still can.

luckystar

you are doing the right thing, you need to get out and
do what is right for you. as for him getting help with his
problem he may and he may not but once you get out
you stay out. once someone hit a person. they will do
it again.

eamonn b

im a policeman in ireland, i see it all the time, if you stay now you'll get trapped in an even more violent relationship that just builds and builds and it gets harder for you to walk out because of fear. leave him now while you feel you can, its never ever right and its such a cowardly thing for a husband to do to a woman he is supposed to love and cherish

kautolo

Once a Man hits a Women imo he will never stop!

terihart_46

i know its hard what your going thro but trust me they never change its ok going to counsiling but what he really needs is anger management you are doing the right thing by leaving hopefully he can change but its not likely he has to see his problem and want to do counsiling for himself if he dont see its a problem it will never change i think you need time on your own then meet someone else who is not gonna treat you like this good luck

yourhavinalaugh696969

no counciling in this whole wide world will stop him, he simply does not respect you, in a few years time when you meet someone else who really does care for you, you will look back, and think why the hell did i put up with it, please no more chances, it wont stop till your in a coffin. loves all about caring u deserve better, your not on this planet to be abussed by a women bully, and your not a human punch bag, i say live life to the max meet the right guy he is out there 4 you, trust me he is, took me years after going out with the wrong partners to find my soul partner, but all the mistakes i made in my life as made me a better person. not all men are like this some care like me, hope you find your mr right one day

Lucy

My advice would be to leave him. No matter how hurt you are gonna feel, because you will be heartbroken, leave. Counselling will not help the situation, once a man hits you once and you let him get away with it, they will do it all the time, thenthey will use the 'i'm sorry, i will never do it again', when really they are just looking for an excuse to do it again. Pack your bags, open the door, walk out of it and don't look back! I hope it all goes well for you and that I have helped you in some way!

fairy_gdmthr

firstly it is NEVER ok to hit a woman. he is controlling and has a temper.counselling may benefit him but that aint gonna be cured overnight.he has to put his hand up and say ok i have a serious problem then attend every session not give up after 3rd session cause he dont like what the counsellor is saying about him.your definatly doing the right thing in leaving, and you doing it the right way when hes on a plane.never tell them your leaving to there face.you may never get the chance to walk through the front door otherwise.i think without a doubt your doing the right thing.i would seriously think about going back.it depends on whether the counsellor can get thru to him.

typical not me

You can't be serious about getting back together. He did not have few seconds of anger he has been abusing you in a lot a ways. Get away from him and stay away! Please have some self respect and do not let someone treat you this way! He loves only himself. He will not change. How can you stand him? Do not even talk to him again.

melodytcromer

Once a hitter always a hitter and the only way to stop them in their tracks is to call the police and follow through on any threats you make because if you don't then they will take total advantage and it will never end. I'm not saying to divorce him but its only been 6 months so I would say the honeymoon is over and he needs anger management plus a woman to show him that she is not going to take his abuse with him getting a lesson from the experience. next time he raise those hands towards you or any one else he will think twice about the end results of it all. Good Luck . sorry your having such problems this early in the marriage which is also a bad sign of things to come.

sallybowles

At first I thought that counselling would be perfectly possible. If he hit you the once, you left then tried to save your marriage from a safe distance - fine.

However, as I read the further details I realised that your husband has been subjecting you to systematic domestic abuse for some time. Obviously hitting you was the last straw, but the mental abuse, the attempted rape, the false imprisonment - these are not small-fry problems. Definitely go to your sister's and definitely stay there for a while, but in the mean time I would seriously consider contacting the police. It's pretty clear to me that your husband is a danger to you and I don't believe that he will ever stop this behaviour of his own accord.

You'd do very well to get out of there whilst you are still relatively safe and unharmed. Don't even think about going back to him, or having counselling, until he has proved to you that he can stay away from you and give you some space. I suspect that, as soon as he realises you are gone, he'll come after you, so be warned.

I know it's going to be hard but I am quite serious about this. We may be on different sides of the Atlantic but believe me I know what I am talking about and it is the same story the world over. Please take my advice and get away from him.

Don't ever be ashamed to tell your family and friends what is going on. It is him who has made you feel that you have something to hide. He doesn't want you to tell anyone because he knows that they would help you to leave him. Over time he will try to ostracise you from your friends and family so that his influence will be undisturbed. Don't let this happen.

You don't mention whether or not you have children. If you do then it is your responsibility to protect them from a man who is capable of this. Whatever happens, when you leave, take the children with you.

If you do not have children - good. It will be even easier to make a clean break.

Good luck. Post again if you need any more help and LISTEN TO ME!

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