How can you make your husband see that you're not asking for much?
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How can you make your husband see that you're not asking for much?
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I'm in the early stages of a divorce - his idea. I've begged for him to join me in counseling or for us to separate - he won't, so I am pretty sure he has another agenda. I have been faithful to him and have put up with a LOT of daily interference from his ex including things I have proof of that he doesn't know about.
Not to mention his lack of supervision and things that his children do that are illegal because of their ages. And the fact that he doles money out to every one - ex (not court ordered) and kids (who live with us) and does not help me with any of my bills.
He does pay the house payment, utilities and most of the groceries (I am very thankful for that), but I bring in groceries too. I had to borrow a car from my parents to drive, when he just bought his daughter a brand new car and is about to buy his son one.
Anyway, I can't afford a lawyer, so I want to try and go uncontested and gave him a proposal, which gave him all marital assets and a lot of my items that I brought into the marriage almost 4 years ago. I asked for less than $15,000, to be moved to my parents and for 1/2 divorce fees. He is saying I am being a golddigger and taking money away from his kids and he wants 1/2 of all expenses he's paid from the last 4 years of our marriage.
Am I being unfair in what I'm asking in my proposal? What should I do? I cannot afford to retain a lawyer if he contests my proposal. Should I cave in and accept his offer to move me and take my stuff and leave? I would have to file bankruptcy. With the money I could at least pay my bills until I find a job (I lost mine in February when the company I worked for cut 1,500 jobs.). I really don't want to do that, because I have very good credit, I just owe a lot of money and the $14,... would pay my bills for up to a year, etc. until I can find a job. Did I mention I have a lung tumor and have battled cancer for the last year and a half?
Additional Details
To answer WingMan's question...HE is the one who wanted separate everything. Up until I started dating him, flying back and forth seeing him, doling out gifts to him and his kids as well as money galore to his kids, I was debt free other than what I owed on a college loan and normal monthly housing expenses.
I know, I know...that was STUPID, and boy have I paid for that OVER and OVER, and am STILL paying for those mistakes of doing that! Instead of owing $25,000 on college loans now, I owe about $60,000 total, and have absolutely NOTHING to show for it but spending almost the last 4 years in hell and about 1 1/2 years prior to that in what I thought was some kind of heaven.
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Stephanie
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Fight! Find a way to pay for a lawyer. Maybe a family member will loan the money to you. Maybe you can get a lawyer that will make your soon to be ex pay for their legal fees. If he contests take him for everything you can get. |
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life goes on
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Let him pay for the divorce and the judge will grant you what he feels right,
You can live without him.
By the sound of things much happier. |
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beenthere
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You cannot afford not to have a lawyer. You will lose far more than you would have to pay. Check into whether there are free legal services available in your area. Contact the company where you worked and find out if you are entitled to counselling or any other type of legal services. As you have parented his children for the last four years, you deserve pay for doing that. He certainly cannot expect you to walk away after expecting you to pay your own bills while you were married. He is unbelievably cheap. As you suspect, he probably has found someone else so if you can get any information in that regard it might help with where you stand in the proceedings. |
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Craig c
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You say you can not afford an attorney, well I say you can if you know what you are doing, look up "legal aid" in the phone book or on line, you will find out that there are a few places out there that can help you. If he is doing all that you say he is doing, Trust me he does not want anyone looking in to his money. Last but not least, let him know that you are going to get an attorney to help him out, When he ask how? You let him know, that with an attorney he (the attorney) could look into everything that you both have gotten together in the last 4 years so this way you will not be a "gold digger" and this way you can make should your ex gets what coming to him...lol |
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its likely i will say douche bag
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Just go through the divorce process like everybody else does.
During the divorce you will be awarded what is fair.
I wouldn't expect any man to voluntary give up $, he could end up on the short end of the deal in the long run. |
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Suzanne
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Well lets see,
Your situation sounds pretty close to home for me. I went through a sim. exp. with my Ex. Fact of the matter is if you go to legal aid and can not afford an attorney they will grant you one if you want to fight it. Does he have the money in a joint account? If so I would clean him out(hehe) and be gone before he realizes it! |
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WingMan
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and does not help me with any of my bills.
He does pay the house payment, utilities and most of the groceries
What does that mean? His idea of getting half of the things he payed out for the las 4 years is stupid. He lived there too. He sure sounds mad. What's all this his and yours stuff? Guys know that what's hers is hers and what is yours is hers also. I will pray for your tumor to go away. Nobody is going to hand you $15,000 OK? Try to work on the marriage. |
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