How do I confront my husband about his cocain use?

Rossonero NorCal SFECU

Get friends and family members together and do an intervention.

Rambo

Go to NA meetings by yourself and find out how to deal with the situation...

an_articulate_soul

he needs some serious help for a very serious problem....and ultimately if he doesn't accept the help, you cannot stay with him because he will pull your life downward and you deserve a better life than that

April

Honey, he never committed to you..... ask any addict of any substance or action.... addicts are already in a relationship, it just isn't with you, nor will it ever be... he can be the nicest person in the world, but he's already taken, until he gets the monkey off his back... Stay if you wish, it will likely be along time before he can rid himself of it, and you , then, become the enabler.... lotsaluck, hon

eeyore6838

HI, my heart and soul goes out to you and your husband, first you can't help him if he doesn't want it. If he will agree see a couples therapist, from there you and confront him about his usage and the worries you have. I am glad to hear that there is no abuse but usage is the abuse, but with your love and therapy he can get over the problems of the past and learn to move on with the new life he and you have started together, I will be praying for you both good luck....

simomihaesc1

Give this thing to God's hands. Pray intensely and do it every day. You'll see the change coming one step at a time. You'll be rewarded by a kind smile from a man who won't touch cocaine again.

DrPepper

OMG you sound like what I went through! My husband and I were together 2 1/2 years in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship before we got married. He used to do weed and I never caught him with cocain, but I'll tell you he was very moody, especially at night! I used to ask for advice and all of them said drugs! When I confronted him, he didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. We got into all sort of agruements after that and basically we didn't work out after only 10 months of married we were divorced. We both couldn't handle each other, he didn't quit and I couldn't accept!

mymoneydoesbuyhappiness

Cocaine is highly addictive and there is no short coming when you say casual use. Either you use cocaine or your don't there is no middle ground. People who say they are casual users are simply that, users.
There is no excuse as to why or how. Especially since you are married and perhaps have or will be going to have a family. No matter how much you love him, you have to face the fact that your husband has two options. One quite cocaine for good. There is no amount of peer pressure in this world that is more important than your wife. Option two choose cocaine and you leave. That is the only recourse that you have. Should there be children involved you are now exposing children and your family to substance abuse. Not to mention the legal ramifications of his actions and subsequently yours, if you do nothing to distance or stop this childish fixation.

inlovewow

If he's a grown man, then peer pressure shouldn't influence him. He's doing it b/c he wants to do it. Tell him to get help and if he wants to live a happy normal life with you, then he'd better step up and make some changes....he'll keep going back to using, then it'll just keep getting worse if he doesn't put a stop to it. You cannot do it for him. He has to do it.

friskymisty01

Hmm Married 3months only and he's already doing cocaine again* wow*! You said you both have been having some "newlywed problems" I wouldn't classify COCAINE as a newlywed problem*........It's going to pull you two apart faster than anything you've ever known. HIs habit will intensify and you will tthen have alot more problems on your hands, financially...work...(could lose it all) He could get busted* and spend time in prison* You could lose your home as you wont have money to pay for the billls as it's going to his habit* and that habit only gets worse as he'll need more and more*, it will eventually take over everything*
If he doesn't want the help........you need to make it clear he gets the help your offering him to save your marriage...... or you won't be around to watch him self destruct* and lose everything. Aks him whats more important..the cocaine or your life together*~ his lying of he stopped...is part of the addiction...not wanting to own up to what he's doing and thinking he has it under control>GOODLUCK*

Kitty

Confront him with the divorce papers in hand. Sorry hun, but between you and the drugs, the drugs will most likely win. Dump him before you invest any more time into this relationship, and look for a guy who's not a user. Drugs will destroy you, get out a.s.a.p.

All hat

He has two choices : Yes dear, and do it, or to blow you off, however tactfully. Drugs, I am just despairing to realize, usually win in those cases. So you then have two choices: Accept being blown off, or not accept being blown off. If you are not prepared to accept being blown off, then you have to be prepared to leave him if he won't quit the drugs. And you have to expect that it will come to that, because it always does. Drugs win. So knowing all that ahead of time, and having worked out your resolve, then when you do go to confront him, be prepared, and DONT BE BLUFFING, to say, look, it's the coke or me. And then follow thru.

Sorry for your pain (hugs)

Big Poppa Pump

The only thing you can do is confront him and tell him exactly how you feel. If he truly loves you, he will try to seek help.
Don't ask him to quit, ask him to let you help him. Find a good therapist or counselor and go see them. Find a good rehab clinic in your area, and talk about it with him and the counselour during therapy.

If he refuses help, then unfortunately you must make a choice. I hate to say it, but if he really loves you he will make the effort, if not you may want to move on.

The Steele's

The best way to deal with this is to get help for you first. Get the tools that you need to work with him, to support him without jeopardizing yourself, and first of all to confront him. Depending on how much he is using drugs can be a dangerous thing over time. With help you guys can get through it and make your marriage even stronger.

rain9439

You can not do anything for him that he does not want to do for himself. You can't get him help. He has to want to get help in order for things to work out. My suggestion is to tell him how you feel about it, if nothing comes about you might have to leave him. Not saying get divorced. If you try to force him to quite then you will fight and it might only last for a short period of time. Hope everything works out for you two

Lake Lover

Well, think about the repercussions of staying with him.
1. If you don't separate or leave him - he will continue to use, esp. since there is no penalty for his behavior.
2. It's illegal
3. It's unhealthy physically & emotionally - addicts can't have relationships that are constructive.
4. Have you checked your credit lately? That habit is expensive. You want to hang around til you have nothing left?
5. What if he ends up in jail or prison? He could get all messed up and accidentally kill someone when driving that way or get into trouble numerous other ways. Then you both get sued for your assets, be it money in a bank or a home.

How can you count on him for anything? Don't you think you are entitled to a partner you can count on?
Insist on rehab NOW or tell him the relationship can't go on. If you don't you're going to pay the price - mark my words.

troble # one?

Just tell him he has to get help or your leaving......

Bob

All you can do is tell him how you feel about it. If he does not want to stop nothing you say will make a difference and he may drag you down a life of dependence, pain and agony.

Hainv faced something simialr I really just laid it on the line. Stop, get help or I am gone. Gave her a chance to stop (drinking), she didn't - I moved on. She is still a drunk 20 years later. I made the right decision.

Oh - you might also want to seek the help of a good counsler to help you through your feeling. As a spouse it is easy to feel guilty about leaving someone who is "sick" . Yes drug use is a "sickness" but it is also a choice.

Bobbie4u

A soft answer turns away wrath.
Whatever you do...don't scream.
Do you have a pastor?
Go to him for help and he will pray for you and so will I.
It's going to be alright honey...be strong...do you have any little ones?

curious georgette

Leave him on the Rehab doorstep and get on with your life

Alex

Okay, well my suggestion to you is this, you obviously have confronted him already before you got married and he told you he would stop, but he didnt or you think he didnt that is not good. What is causing him to go back to the drugs is the issue here? Has there been any stressful events, have you been fighting, is he not happy or is it the friends that he might hang around with. Look there really is no other way than sitting him down, and letting him know that you suspect that he is still using drugs. Be calm, warm, reassure him that you love him and that you will get him help also tell him how much you love him, and that you want him to get help so both of you can be happy. If he tells you that he will stop and he does not want help, honey he is lying if he lied to you before he will lie to you now. Both of you can seek professional help, and if I were you I would go with him. Try that, its worth trying to help the man you love, if he refuses to change, and give it up you need to leave before it gets worse. Cocaine Addicts sooner or later become extremely violent. Think about it...
God Bless

pasquale garonfolo

You might try to see if you can involve some member-s of your family and of his family in a discussion of this cocain problem with your husband, and of the possibilities of professional help that he may have access to. This is a very serious issue for both of you, as it is a real family you together are trying to start. Eventually you may get children, and in the long run you may not be able to go on keeping this cocain-problem of your husband hidden. There wil come a time when they will know, and you must think that you as parents consciously or unconsciously will be the first role-models for your children. And your children instinctively naturally will learn some of the habits, good and bad, of their own father. As you can see this is a very serious issue, and maybe it is best for all if you are drastic now. An addiction, any kind of addiction, is not something you just can say: "now I stop with it, and for ever". No! An addiction really possesses the addict, and a long and maybe also very expensive training may be necessary to try to get out of it, to try to get free. Therefore it is now that you must be drastic if you want to really try to eliminate this addictive harmful practice from your life.

Kid Salami

Call 911 and watch the cops come!

strange-artist

He needs serious help, before it's too late. My 2 uncles had good jobs, nice cars, nice wives & kids & lost everything cause of cocaine. they were stealing from family to support their habbit, & as of now, they're both gone, 1 lives in some drug rehab/hospital, the other overdosed.-Very sad.

sir_blunted

Pack your stuff and tell him. Its either you or the drugs.
If he chooses you..its time to get him some help.
If not..leave.

Caryn L

you can confront him all you want and in many different ways....the problem is he may not want the help.

he wont change until HE is ready.

you should go to allonon meetings for yourself.

samuraistudman

call the cop on him while he's snorting coke up his nostrils

Chris M

It is amazing that some people are just not helpful and like to spout off...

First, I would highly recommend starting by calling a local support group, either through your local church or through social services. Second, you will probably need to get his family involved. You will need support if you are truly willing to try and help him, but it comes down to him wanting help. Finally, you should seek counseling services since this will likely get difficult for you personally.

It will not be pretty, but at least you are still willing to help him rather than just calling the cops (who rarely do anything about drug users unless something else happens).

Fireman "T"

You gotta be STRONG it will eventualy ruin your relationship anyway so nip it in the bud as they say! I am a former user and know what I'm talking about. It will hurt I can't deny that but, YOU have to think of YOU! Good luck sister! Happy V day to you!

phoenix

I don't know this is a hard one I am a recovering coc addict I have not touched it in over 2 years now and I had to come to it on my own I put myself into rehab I think maybe make sure the people you guys hang out with are supportive people and you be supportive because it is something you will need people when you finally decide to stop I had to change all of my surroundings my friends and know that people were there to help me in any way like people I could call at 4am if I all of a sudden had the urge to use I finally got a sponsor to do that and even though your married he may need a guy to help him with that don't be offended by that it is good as long as he is a good example

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