How do I get over my husband having a three year extramarital affair?

Luna

Unfortunately, there is no one particular remedy for heartache.
It's a bunch of little things...you have to move on and the thought of starting over is scary.

Surround yourself with good people, people out for your best interest (this means put the trash AKA your ex hubby OUT)

Find comfort in speaking to a therapist or a good trusted friend.

Write him a long letter thrashing his character...but never give it to him. Burn it.

Always remember the only person that can make you truly happy/content, is yourself. Don't expect others to treat you worthy if you think you might not be.

give yourself time to heal....crying is ok, but not on a consistant basis for over 2 - 3 months.

treat yourself out (shopping, manicures, hair dresser, massage)

go to a male review

Someone

go see a counsellor

whatthe!!!

DIVORCE

Cassie

Divorce him and bleed him dry!

nwnativeprincess

A one niter may have been forgivable, but 3 years is definitely a deal breaker in my book. I would kick his a$$ to the curb.

free_angel

Tell it to your divorce attorney. They won't be surprised to hear it. They've heard it all before.

kitty

It is called, D I V O R C E. He has violated the marriage vow real big time, wow 3 yrs, thats really bad.

But you and only you are going to be able to decide if you can live with the knowledge of his affair and with him at the same time.

Will you ever be able to trust him again??

Good luck

floridaman39us

You may never get over it. If he does it again, tell him you are divorcing him....3 years is a long time.

A***n G

you can't, there is no trust left in your relationship

RedRabbit

You don't. You make him pay with a divorce.

michael w

Try phoning up the TV show "Cheaters" They would love this one. Good luck.

StinkyDec19

I would not ever be able to get over that. im sure you are a beautiful interesting intelligent woman and i hope you know you deserve better than this. no guy would carry on with a wife who had a three year extramarital affair unless he was an idiot!

So I say, leave him b/c this affair lasted THREE YEARS!! He lied to you for three years. thats three years of pure dishonesty and cheating. he obviously can handle a lot of that and seems used to it. (five minutes of dishonesty to my boyfriend kills me.)

theres a man out there for you who thinks youre beautiful and smart and funny and who wont cheat on you b/c youre so totally it for him. find him! life is too short to take crap from other people! a man who truly loved you would not have a three year affair, even a half decent guy would tell you, "this isnt working out for me anymore. I want a divorce." this guy cant even communicate with you! three years! damn!

i hope you do the right thing.

shirley b

You just cannot-respect and trust is lost, what else is left ? this knowledge of him having an affair will torture your subconscious every now and then, while he holds you tight in bed, while he kiss you or even while he just watches tv. It will haunt you like a nightmare that never goes away. That is the ugliest truth.

dodge c

Debb,
I hope your feeling better soon. Time as they say heals all wounds. While the wounds will never totally dissapear you will one day feel better. Sadly you will forever be scarred by your spouses infidelity.
What you have experienced is a soul (as well as heart) wretching experience. I know of which I speak.
While some people can and do resist the temptaion in life to cheat on a spouse or loved one...others do not.
I hate to say this but if you stay in a relationship witth this man you will most likely experience this again and again as most cheaters can and usually do go on to repeat this behavior again and again no matter how much it hurts their partner.
The only help I can offer is not going to be easy to accept but I offer it anyways and hope you find some value in what I say.

1) Learn fast that this was NOT your fault. Some will say (and he will no doubt be one of them) that this was your fault as well. Don't believe it! This was a choice made by him and him alone. If left to you it would NEVER have happened.
2) You will be forced to make a decision which by now you will have already made and that is to stay and try to make it work or tell him to GET OUT or leave yourself.
3) Counceling may help but not much. Councelors will only tell you what you already know. Decisions will still need to be made.
4) You ask, "How do I get over my husband having a three year extramarital affair?" Sadly, YOU DON'T. You NEVER get over the loss of a loved one and this is a loss that is almost as painfull. It is a loss of faith,commitment and a love you nurtured and cared for much more than he did. Loss is hard to deal with but you CAN live with it but it will be hard to do. Every day you will be haunted by his infidelity, what he did and said while with this Other woman, did he ever truly ever love you, will he do this again and if so...when?

These are some of the many questions you will be faced with. Many have no answers and those that do will have to come from him and then you will have to ask yourself..can I trust him to ever tell me the truth again?
5) The most importnant question you must ask is this. If you stay with this "PERSON" will you regret it later.

These as I say are only a few of the choices and questions you will have to face. I could help you more with a one on one Q&A session if you like but ultimately this is something you will have to deal with on your own. My advise is find a best friend and talk. Your cheating mate will not like this as it will be your support and not his.
Be prepared "YOU HAVE A LONG PAINFUL JOURNEY AHEAD. A JOURNEY WITHOUT END"

Good luck and if you or anyone wishes to have a friend and the support of someone who has been there feel free to drop me an e-mail at RDW1455@ yahoo.net

Ilya S

Time... it takes time. And if it does not take time, then you're not over it.

Melissa C

Don't be with him anymore. There are better men out there that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Leave him. He doesn't love you if he can do that to you. No matter what you think you can do better, start respecting yourself as strong woman!

Baybee Cakes

If he would disrespect you like that, Why forgive him?

Smooth Lyrics II

Uh, you DON'T! A one time fling is one thing but this dude had a straight up relationship with another woman! I'm sure the thoughts of him taking his mistress from behind as she screams in pleasure are always there! Leave him and start fresh!

shellshell

He has to do everything to rebuild your trust. That means you always knowing where he is. Calling and checking in. Me personally I'd dump him. Three year affair is a little to much to be forgiven.

joseph k

hello, may be 3 yrs is too long.... even then if you like him and wish to be with him.... try different dishes yourself.... or can provide him with wonderful dishes, may be from that you can learn some thing and provide him and he may like your dishes..... and start eating from home.... good luck...

you will never get over it totally, believe me.... the pain will always be there, no matter what you do, no matter how long it takes.... all you can do is to accept the fact that it happened. but never blame yourself for it.

LilSunbeam

You dont!

Samantha W

Go out and have one yourself, only better. Do someone in his family or yours. That will really burn him bad!

KatieK

I don't think I'd be able to. But if you feel like making it work I'd seek counseling.

Busy Bee

I can't even imagine the strength you must have to even consider staying with him - I truly admire you.
But at the same time we are talking about 3 years....this wasn't a momentary loss of judgment. This was a thought out decision that required an monumental amount of lies, sneakiness, and disregard to you. Are you really sure that this does not have the possibility to happen again. Can you really go forward without and not make yourself sick with the stress of wondering what he is or isn't doing?
I am not saying you should get a divorce but I really think you need to evaluate what the future could hold.
You will need to get into some serious marital counseling and personal as well. You are going to have extreme emotions to work through and you deserve to be able to do that alone.
If you decide to stay with him though you are going to have to put this away and can't hold it against him for the remaining years you are together or else it will eventually cause other issues.
I wish you the best and please make the choice that is right for you!

your_star_03

You and your husband both need to go to a counciling session.

romeo_29

Leave him....if he can lie to for 3 years, imagine what else he's not telling you. Its not worth your mental sanity. Start fresh, seek out qualities that are not that of your husband.

Dazy

You can't. Not by yourself anyway. You need counseling, both marital and for yourself. You need to learn how to truly forgive and move on with or without him, and the two of you need to work together trying to get things where they should be. If he isn't willing to go through this with you,then he hasn't changed and will do it again probably no matter what. This is a hard one...leave him. And still get yourself some counseling so that this experience doesn't keep damaging you and any future you could have with someone else.

Beautiful

Speaking from experience. It is easier said than done. If I dwell on my husband's affair I feel hurt, angry, and betrayed, and it has been 8 months since it happened. First, access your situation, to decide if it is salvagable or not meaning do you want to continue in the relationship, if so does he want to restore the marriage. If he wants to reconcile, has he done everything to break all ties with the woman. One of the worst things to do if you're trying to reconcile is knowing the details. Get professional counseling. It helped me to talk to another woman who had survived an affair, and was able to successfully reconcile with her husband. I f someoe hasn't experienced it they can't begin to understand the hurt and pain associated with an affair. The hurt of the deceit or betrayal. As hurt as you maybe stop talking to everyone else about your problems, the more people that you get opinions about what you should do, the more likely your marriage won't make it. Again I know it hurts. I found out six days prior to my 6th marriage anniversary and I was devastated. I found hope in supportive people, with my best interest in heart, but most importantly with God's help because if it wasn't for God I could have lost my my mind and hurt someone.

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