How do I help him realise that I am very sorry?

mina

You did the right thing by telling him about the affair. But well... you have cheated on him and broken his trust. And now indeed it will take time for you to earn back his trust, if you ever do. Really, even if he doesn't trust you anymore, I wouldn't blame him. It is indeed upto him to decide whether to stay in this marriage or not. There is no excuse for cheating! Absolutely none. Why did you do it to him? Why have you been so irresponsible and selfish? And not to mention the example you would be setting on your little kids who probably love you and trust you a lot as their mom...!
Since you cheated, I'm guessing that this marriage is lacking in something. In that case, you shouldn't have complaints if it breaks up anyway! If you're really sincere, give your husband some time to decide how to handle this situation. Make it upto him. If he forgives you, then great. If not.... you deserve that too!

sacredclay

What lead you to commit adultery to begin with? Usually, when a person cheats, it's because he/she is unhappy in her/his own relationship with hubby.Also, you made a mistake in unburdening yourself.While you feel better, hubby is dealing with the raw emotions of having been cheated on. A marriage therapist can really help you both here as well as understand what lead you to cheat to begin with. One last thing, both you and hubby should get tested for STD. Good luck.

yup

Cheating is never a mistake he should leave you!

Dude

It's gonna be tough. Time may heal the hurt that you have caused by breaking your vows and his heart.

Justin G

Poor guy...

Too bad he couldn't have married someone with willpower and morals.

raspberryph

what were you thinking ? Ever heard Leave sleeping dogs lie???

Zack

that was really stupid.

Malcolm H

tell him you need to talk about the reasons you did it. You know why you did, and be prepared to get a shellacking emotionally. You both have to renew a commitment to each other. If you are a serial ****, tell him and move on. If you have a relationship issue, tell him what it is, but always remember your Reaction and actions were 100% wrong. He may never be able to forgive you. He may. Tell him you will do whatever it takes to make him believe you want it to work again. If the issue still remains that caused it, he has some decisions to make. YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST TO HIM, OTHERWISE YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF. It's along way back from hell, but if you are willing to seek heaven again, it's there.. good luck

Sarah, you may be able to show him your love and he may feel it too, but the trust is gone and that will be almost impossible to restore. Every time you are late or unaccounted for, the back of his mind will say " is she at it again". He may even doubt at some point the paternity of his own children. Some secrets are best kept secret. You may stay together, but it will depend on if his love for you is stronger than his ego/pride.

Ed34

You should have kept your mouth shut if it was 2 years ago. Haven't you ever heard the phrase "Less said, soonest mended"? You were selfish to tell him. What did you possibly hope to achieve?

CindyLu

You thought to sooth your guilt and clear your conscious by confessing to your husband. This was the worst mistake you could have made. You cannot make him feel the way you want him to. You cannot make him forgive your or forget about this incident. You have broken your vows and the trust your husband once had in you. There just may not be any coming back from this. It is possible that you have ended your marriage even if he does not seek a divorce right away.

You can tell him how sorry you are and ask him to forgive you and then get on your knees and pray to God that your husband can find it in his heart to forgive you and move forward beyond this. The choice to end or continue the relationship is his to make. All you can do is hope and pray he makes the choice you hope that he will make.

missy p

not alot you can do if he is going to forgive you it'll happen on his terms

! Answers

First thing you need to do is ask HIM what HE needs from you (not us).

What ever he needs from you, you need to comply and with vigour. Only he knows what he needs from you to satisfy his desire to trust you again.

If you are not prepared to do what he says he needs, then you may as well split now.

Second, never, ever do that again.

Third. Be prepared to live a life (for a while, as long as it takes) of treading on thin ice when it comes to your interactions with other men.

Like I said, if you cant do the 3 things, then go now or your family is in for a rocky ride.

Amber

Ask him what he wants from you and do what ever he says. If he says he wants to know where you are at at all times make the effort to tell him. If he wants you home after you get off of work come straight home, don't go outside of work without him. As he earns your trust back he will ease up on his restrictions but don't forget this could take years. Counseling would be a smart move to make. Pray about it too. God does amazing things to relationships. But you can't get mad at him if he wants a divorce. It's something he is allowed to do since you have cheated on him. I hope he gives you a second chance since you are so sincere. Good luck and may God bless both of you and your entire family.

Need Answers

You destroyed his trust. He thinks you will do it again. If you want it back you better be prepared to work for it. Do you have it in you or will you break? I really hope you learned your lesson.

CamM

Wow! It is hard, because everyone is different.

You are going to have to work at it really hard. Trust is something that builds gradually, and unfortunately, you have pulled it down in one go.

I would suggest getting something like the e-book at http://www.bringbackthespark.com - it has lots of ideas on how to SHOW a partner how much you care for them and love them. It has helped couple friends back to a warm, intimate relationship, and it suggests you do it gradually - which is what you need, I would say.

You can TELL someone all you like, but by SHOWING them, they are more likely to believe you.

You need to be tolerant of his jealousies (which will come, if they haven't already) and his mistrust, which will also come even once you feel he has gotten over it. Good luck.

susie12345

Ask him what it would take from you. This is a complicated situation. You wanted to clear your conscience but it has made things worse.

He's still there and likely processing all of it. Time will tell. And you can do is say you are sorry and that you were honest.

If he really wants it to work out, it will.

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