How do I solve this? I never cheated, but he's obsessed with it!?

dakirk123

If you feel like he's worth the effort...ask him if he's just looking for a way out. Then, if he's not, assure him that you are not ever going to live up to the "I was willing to give up everything for you." standard. No one can, and you should let him know that you don't expect it.

Every relationship must be built on trust if it is going to make it. It sounds like he's more afraid of the committment level that a real relationship requires as opposed to not trusting you. He himself said that he was a user of women. So, he has a skewed view of women. He sees them as untrustworthy and/or weak, why else would they allow him to do as he liked with them?

The only thing that you should do at this point is assure him that you are not "cheating" on him. After that, it's all on him. He's the one who's going off the deep end with just the suspicion of infidelity. This may be an indication of what life would be like with this man if you would go out of your way to assure him that you aren't and basically be put on a leash so that his fears would be calmed. This is a good gateway into an emotionally abusive relationship.

yournotalone

Is he cheating, he is hoping you have so he can confess?

patsy

I was going to say he's cheating on you, but I am not so sure after reading his email. I think he may be going through some sort of self crisis. Something has made him insecure. It may have been some daft comment from one of his mates or work colleagues. Try to ignore him when he says you have cheated on him. By trying to defend yourself, in his eyes he is just even more convinced. You could tackfully ask him to see the doctor. Are you in touch with his mother? Perhaps you could get her to find out what's really wrong with him. I hope you are able to sort this out.

bradschuman

Sounds like it's his own personal issue...and probably would behave the same way no matter who he was with. There might not be a thing you can do about it.

R R

He thinks you are doing what he is doing to you CHEATING. Dump the bum and or cheat with me lol i need a good time.

EmmaB

Ok so he's obviously been hurt in the past. Did his ex cheat on him? The other reason he thinks you're going to the dirty on him is because of the way he used to treat women before he met you. He knows what he used to be like & therefore thinks what is stopping you from foing exactly the same. He has built up barriers due to his past hurt but has obvioulsy really fallen for you & his barriers have come down & he feels vulnerable & exposed & now that he has found you & everything good in his life, he can't help himself from thinking that everything is going to go seriously wrong. You need to to tell him that these are his insecurities & not yours & that you have not cheated on him & he should trust you. Suggest some counselling but tell him unless he gets his insecurities sorted then it will cause the very thing that he does not want & that is losing you. Good luck !

Scatty

He's the one thats cheated love you just havent realised it yet hence his need for obsessing and accusing you of doing the same.

Dump him and move on, hes just too over the top and it wont be long before you will be cheating on him becuse hes practically telling you to do it anyway

fucose_man

Wow. I read your previous questions too.
This guy needs therapy.

sinned

this guy has control issues. get him gone.

camden

baby just show himthat you really do love him and he has nothing to worry bout. i used to be like that cos i never trusted girls after lik 2 faild timez when i actually gave my all, so i understand where he's coming from. its a phase he's gonna pass through and you paly an important role in it so just be there for him and you'll both be happy in the end. hang in there.

Jenalyn

Run in the other direction as fast as you can! this guy is a control freak, and has found a way to control you and make your life a living hell.

trying to please him or convince him will be impossible, you will never be able to get anywhere with this guy.

He is trying to manipulate you and break you down to his little puppet. He will never be secure, never ever. When you try to leave, he will probably beg you to come back. If he does, then you know I am right.

Stef

He could be very insecure or jealous. Or maybe he's cheated on you, realised this can be done and you could do it too! Or he wants out and he's trying to put the guilt/pressure on you. Don't let him do that to you! Reassure him that nothing has happened but ask what makes him think that you have cheated on him. Go to the bottom of this or it'll hang over you as long as your relationship lasts.

stacy

DO NOT WASTE ONE MORE MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE ON THIS.

MOVE ON,WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR.

HIS LACK OF TRUST IS HIS PROBLEM & YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE TO DEFEND YOUR HONOR ON THIS SUBJECT TO SOMEONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

in other words tell him to f@ck off and start living your life

SEXY JP

if he cant take the fact that you havent cheated then maybe hes not the one for you.

jude D

time to bail kid. nothing you do or don't do is going to fix him. his ex really did a number on him and he simply isn't ready to be in a real relationship.

being in a real relationship requires a baseline ability to trust another person. for whatever reason, whether it was his ex, or his parents, or just the fact that he is a freaking moron, he does not have this ability at the moment.

the questions you have to ask is 1. is this a temporary thing that he will get past (and if so are you willing to wait around while he does). 2. will this be a recurrent issue in which he periodically goes through this phase where it is very difficult for him to trust and his jealousy runs rampant? 3 are you willing to endure this every 3 months, every six months, or every year?

i'd suggest moving on, it's just not worth the heart ache. it's likely that his craziness is not going to go away any time soon and that without a major change in his thought patterns this issue is only going to get worse.

Heather C

It's been my experience that when one partner constantly accuses the other of cheating - especially when there's no proof or reason for the accusations - it's because THEY are cheating or exploring options outside the relationship. They're nervous about what they're doing, so they project it onto you instead, to take the attention off themselves. I've been though this situation, too, and it's awful. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do about it, and you need to ask yourself if this is how you want your relationship with this person to be. This person you're with sounds insecure, obsessive, and "flighty" - not exactly the type of person you can plan a stable future with. I'm sorry.

He is guilty for his own cheating. He has not gotten over what happened to him. That is why he has no respect for women. He needs to deal with this issue and you have to be his stronghold. He needs you to be there for him and with him to get thru this and get better. He is hurting and doesn't know how to make it stop. But you can make that difference cause he said that you matter to him.

Jesus can really fix this.

errie

Ditch him. If he doesn't trust you he doesn't love you. It sounds like he has some issues to resolve from previous relationships. Tell him you are not prepared to put up with his mistrust and you want a man that trusts you. He needs to see a counsellor. If you stay with him he will not change without counselling or at least realising what he is doing.

missingora

It's rough when you've played other people for so long and then after you'e seen the light and got your life straightened out, you obsess over whether your mate has cheated in the past like you did. The thing you have to remember is: The past is gone. It cannot be undone. It cannot be changed. It's over!!! All you can do is live in the NOW and plan for a good future. If you can't get over wondering if your mate is cheating, you will lose her FOR NO GOOD REASON!! The decision is yours. Trust her and have a great life together. Don't trust her and be alone!!

Ophelia

If you are really not cheating on him, I would sit him down and tell him that you really do love only him and that you are faithful to him. Then, I think you two need to go get some counseling together, his break up really messed him up emotionally.

LadyC

You have to tell him straight. Its obvious that his past experiences have affected him a lot and he's now insecure. You have to make things clear to him that you haven't cheated and that he has to trust you. tell him you are not arguing and you are not going to get into a sordid mess with him like he did with his ex. If he doesn't believe you or trust you, tell him you're going to have to walk away.

dihollywood

This is a psychological defense mechanism called "projecting". He is either cheating, or has in the past and is projecting his guilt onto you. He has issues and I would get away from that ASAP.

rosa_govan

Has anything happened to make his confidence drop other than the ex???
Unfortunately as your obviously someone he loves very very much he is afraid you will hurt him,
you both seem like a lovely couple from your and his email and most importantly have a very communicative life together.
Tell him you respect him too much for that, ask does he think you would intentionally hurt him!!

huni i know ive probably not been much help but i really hope all is ok with you guys

hope you have a great christmas
best of luck sweetie

life is

i guess you love your man - but lifes too short and you deserve better than this - move on you will be happy and in love again,time is a great healer
good luck

Phillip

Obsession can be beautiful . . . .

Louise

Time to move on - do you need all this crap and insecurity.

PAMELA O

Oh frost!!! You poor thing - what should be the happiest time of your newly married life is turning out to be a disaster.
Why dont you just email him back. Tell him that you would not be capable of cheating because you love him so much and that there are a lot of meddling intefering people out there that are obviously jealous of what you two have and therefore are trying to ruin it.
he sounds like he needs help being honest. You cant keep fighting to declare your innocence - either he believes you or he doesnt - if he refuses to believe you then you're going to have to leave - this man will wreck your head and your life otherwise. xx

TisIEclair

He's not scared of you cheating.
he's scared of what his mates would think of him if you did. He's such a 'wide boy'
He's obsessed with himself! He is also exteremely lacking in confidence no matter what he says.

It'll take a lot of time and reassurance from you to change him. It'll also take some effort on his part to build real inner confidence rather than the fear of ridicule or lack of face he shows now.

Good luck.

D B

Refuse to discuss it with him anymore - you will only feed his jealousy. His negative emotions are his problem and eventually he will drag you down. If he cannot handle that dump him - send him to a good therapist but don't try and act like one yourself.

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