How do I tell her we may not have children?

My fiance and I are getting married soon. I have been married before and have two children ages 4 and 18 months. My fiance has an 18 month old as well, but never gets to see him. (That in itself is another situation) We have a small business and a farm that keep us very busy. We are both unsure if we want to have a child together. I do because I love him soo much and I want to share that experience with him. Though my two children are by the same man, I didn't have a very good experience with him. I feel like I would with my fiance. On the other hand I do already have 2 children and he does have one even though he is not a part of our life right now, we hope that one day soon he can be. As I stated before we are also very busy. My other two children are getting to the age where they can tag along more easily. The thing that concerns me is that I know his family wants us to have children. He has one brother that is only 13 so he will not be having children anytime soon (I hope). His Mom is really understanding and easy to talk to. I've told her that we may not have anymore and if do it won't be anytime soon. However, his grandmother is already pushing the issue. She wants us to give her a great grand baby. This woman is the type that everything has to be her way and if you don't do things her way you are being rebellious to her. To this point I have her respecting me and liking me. I guess I'm affraid that when she finds out about our situation she is going to be furious and put all the blame on me as her grandson can do no wrong. How do I tell her without her getting mad and feeling like it is me that doesn't want to have children. I would be willing but it's not something I HAVE to do. He on the other hand is more about "let's just take one day at a time and see where the future brings us."
Additional Details
Yea I wish he could be the one to tell his her, but maybe the reason he can do no wrong in her eyes is because he has never stood up to her and always done what she said. I always have to be the one to tell her things.

Cyclist 2300

since the two of you are open to the issue of having children...... don't worry about it.

even if you decide to wait awhile before having children.... don't worry about it.

when asked about children..... simply say.... we are not even married yet......

later..... simply say.... we are working on it........ or tell them..... MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS..... WE'LL HAVE CHILDREN WHEN WE WANT THEM.... NOT WHEN YOU DO..... SO BUG OFF.

Sherry F

You say i do i tell her and then you say i love him so much so i don't get it.

Add on on i see his mom you are talking about sorry.

Just tell her maybe someday but not right now.

patron on ice

you dont have to tell her anything.
she cant force you to have a baby.
just say youll have when you decide its time.

Rachel

I would just tell her that you don't know if you will have children...you are just waiting to see what the future brings. You don't have to tell her that you are trying vs. not trying. Who knows - you may tell her you don't want any more kids and cause all this stress, and then decide you do want one. Even you really don't know what the future holds, so how can you tell her?

smedrik

Just let her know that right now your priorities are focusing on the three children you have between you.

Let her know that maybe in time it can happen, however for now you think it is best to ensure that your children adjust well to the marriage and their new life.

Nena S

What is important is that both you and your husband are on the same page....IF you decide to have a child, fine. But if you don't, that is OK as well.

I understand the pressure Grandma is putting...I married a man whose parents kept pressuring me to have a second child...But since I almost died during the delivery, I decided to NEVER go through that experience again...and my then-husband agreed with me.

My ex- father in law kept bugging me at family parties, until I finally lost patience and told him: "OK...I'll have another child as soon as you set up a trust fund that will cover everything...from the gynecologists' visits to the kid's education...A Master's Degree!"
Guess what? After this, he never mentioned it AGAIN !

So...Do what you and your husband feel is right for you guys.
Good luck.

Emoja

You don't have to have a long conversation with your fiance's grandmother about having children. If she brings it up, just smile and say, "maybe one day." And leave it at that.

clayton M

The good news is that she is your fiance and you have not married her yet. Maybe you need to solve these issues before you walk down the isle with her.

Jade Says

You don't have to tell her you have decided to wait, simply tell her when she brings it up that she will be the first to know when you two are expecting. For all she knows you could be trying all along and just haven't been successful yet.

sightseer

Having kids - because the families want us to, is not the right reason.
It is a decision for the two (and only two) of you to make.
3 may very well be enough.
Think and pray

DGNFY

Leave that little bit of info up to your husband, it is his family he should be taking point on this one.

Jim

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell her without risking her reacting in anger or blaming you for this decision. But at some point you will need to take that chance. You never knowâ€¦ she might be disappointed and angry for a while but eventually understand that it is not her decision to make. She might even respect you more for making the decision for yourself.

Regardless, this is a decision for you and your fiancÃ© to make. It is probably better for him to be the only telling his family what he and you have decided.

angel

It is not any of her business as to when you have a child so when asked i would just say we are working on it actually that's even to much so what if she the great grand ma who cares is she going to be taking care of this baby

kwflamingo

She already has a great grandbaby - your fiancee's son. Let her get involved in the boy's life, even if, for some reason, your fiancee isn't. You should be grown up enough (with three kids between you) to not allow someone else to put pressure on you to do something you don't want to do. It's called being an adult.

Lady Lynx

If you don't want another kid, then don't have another. The grandmother has no say in what you two decide to do. You can't please everyone.

Greyhound Mama

You aren't even married yet and they're pushing for you to have children? How rude!

This is a very private matter that is between you and your fiancee, no one else. It's no one else's business but yours if you decide to have children or not, and they will have to accept your decision.

You do not owe anyone any type of explanation as to your reasoning. You don't even have to answer when they ask it. Tell them it's a subject that is private and you do not wish to discuss. Let them get mad, they'll get over it. Your fiancee has the perfect answer if you feel you need to say something: "we're taking it one day at a time and seeing what the future brings us"

Good luck.

tcc_00676

children will Not bring happiness to your marriage .. you have your hands full with the children,farm,job, you got! you don't need anyone telling you what to do,say to whoever i don't want any kids i got all i want if they don't like it say bye...

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