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How do I tell my wife that I'm not happy in our marriage, but I would like to try and work it out?
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How do I tell my wife that I'm not happy in our marriage, but I would like to try and work it out?

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Let me add some things...I am not sure that I'm in love anymore. I feel more like we're roommates with kids than husband and wife. I don't find myself attracted to her physically either. These feelings have been going on for over a year.


give her this link:


I woul sstart right here, Joe. Tell her that you are not happy, give her all of the reasons, and ask her to help you come to an amicable resolution.


Say exactly what you just said.

Special K
The same way you just revealed it to total strangers. I have to commend you for wanting to work it out instead of throwing it out. She will respect you more for wanting to stay and see it through. Women just want to be in the know.

"Honey, for some reason I don't feel happy with our marriage, but I would like to try and work out this problem so we can have a happy marriage again."

Exactly like that. Though I would add why you're not happy to the conversation.

VICKY taylor
is there another female in the picture?

It sounds to me like there are other issues that you need to face as well. Something that has affected your love for her.. But I will tell you this.. you can try and work it out and it may work.. but more than likely you will both be miserable.. try marriage counselling and see if maybe they can help you find what is missing from your marriage.. Good Luck..

You can tell her just that - you aren't happy in the marriage and want to try and work things out. One thing you should keep to yourself is the fact that you are no longer physically attracted to her. That would be something she would never forget and even if you found her attractive again at some point, she would never believe you.

It could be that if you guys could work things out in the other ways, you might find her physically attractive again. That's why you should keep it to yourself for now.

Just what you said and go to a marriage counselor.

this is something that needs to be tackled ASAP.
the feelings of physical attraction could very well be simply because you feel like more of a brother sister than intimate relationship.
unfortunately most situations like this cannot effectively be fixed on their own or by yourself- you need to get to a mutual zone with eachother where you can be completely honest about everything from your favorite color to fantasies of other people if it applies.
there are people out there that specialize in fixing this very problem.
good luck--- remember be honest to yourself because in the end you are all you have.

sometimes in a marriage, we tend to feel this way. Taking steps to resolve the problem is a challenge but with communication and openess on both parties, there may be a chance for the marriage to work.

You do not have to tell your wife that you are unhappy in the marriage just yet. Try and rekindle the flame that once brought the two of you together. A freind of mine struggled through this as well and what he did was play music that reminded him of his wife. Took her out to dinner and spent time getting to know that woman he feel in love with. Trust me when I say that this man was about to leave his wife for another woman but with my encouragement and prayer he decided to stay with his wife. This was five years ago...I'm not saying that his solution will work in your situation, I am saying that giving your marriage your everything is very important...

You need to be open and honest. Tell her how you feel. She really needs to know. Apparently you do still love her if you still want to work things out. DO NOT stay in the marriage just for the kids. In time, the kids will see and feel what your going thru. Alot of times, after a couple has kids, they get wrapped up in their responsibilities and forget each other. Then before you know it, the marriage seems like a "chore". Just remember the little things that made you fall in love with her in the first place. Set aside time for you both. Take a day out of the month just for yourselves and take her out on a date. Bring back the spark in your marriage. Best of luck with your marriage. I really hope it works out.

talk to her about it and maybe you should do couples therapy give it a try

addicted too
Good for you that despite what you are feeling, you still what to pursue this marriage! Your wife must be truly blessed to have a husband like you. May I suggest a few things:
1. What's your measure for a happy married life? Having a wonderful spouse, great children and a happy home? Sometimes we have the tendency to take the little blessings we have that may be the cause for us to feel "empty". Count your blessings then contemplate on what really makes an individual happy.
2. Initiate an open discussion to your wife. Maybe you are both hesitant to talk about this - afraid you might hurt one another. But you just have to take the risk of letting your wife know how you feel before it is too late. Remember, you cannot mend anything if she is not aware there is a problem in the first place.
3. As the husband, maybe you can add spice to your marriage by initiating out-of-town trips for you and your wife. Schedule once a week date or relinquish the romantic times you spent together when you were just boyfriend-girlfriend. Sometimes being married for some time leads to routine activities and being complacent about the relationship. You do not have to spend so much - what's important is that you and wife share the same comfort/loving feeling when you're together.

Rosa V
First of all, sit down, keep yourself calm, because when a woman gets mad you don't want to make it worst, then start asking her questions about how she feels now in your marriage, if she also feels the same as you are feeling. Try to talk with a lot of respect towards each other. And give her the ideas that you have of how to work things out, specially to feel again like newly weds, i know that's hard when you have children but if you still love each other EVERYTHING is possible. Good Luck!!! Best Wishes!!!!

Seek counseling and ask God for help in this area. In God all things all things are possible.

Melissa S
Don't prolong your torture.
If it's not there physically and emotionally then it's time to find it some where else.

Life is to short to be in a room-mate relationship instead of one filled with passion.

i agree that u need to sit her down and tell her exactly what u have just told the whole world. however i think it is also important that u realize that the everydayness of marriage and the hectic(ness) of parenthood are contributing factors in the way we feel about our spouse. i would bet there is not much u do together as a couple (not as parents). take time to remember what u both loved to do and see how those things can fit into ur lives. even something as simple as a 30min evening walk can help u rebond.

also u say its been going on a year. what was going on in ur life at the time and did it contribute in any way to the way u feel now?

tisha k
hi buddy first of all try and forget whatever happened in the past and clear your mind first... now u have to think positive and try and tell your wife how do you want her to be with you in whatever sense then let it be her dressing sense eating sense or sleeping sense... make her realise that you are loosing interest in her but dont wana loose her aswell.. think of those days when you got married to her and see some old pics of you two.the way you used to enjoi. i know it happens after some years that you loose interest in your partner.. coz even i am married and i know how it is. after kids you pay attension to them and leave your personal life. you cant get back those days back but sure try to be the same way u were earlier. go out for a trip may be 2 to 3 days enjoi. go to water parks or may movies and give some time to eachother. talk to eachtoher share things keep the transparacy...

what is wrong with you? come on, look at your kids face. don't you feel guilty for loosing your love?

baby cayden is here
jobs, kids,bills,life gets to everyone sometimes .you should try to go on dates and find each other again, vacation without kids. try to find what made you fall in love with her in the first place ,people do change over the years you need to find the connection again. try counceling also might help. good luck!

try having a toroid affair, if that works you don't need to say anything, if not get caught that should bring a few issues up! and you'll get some good loving to boot! win win win!

Well first of u have to figure out where the problem lies.
Have u met someone else that u r attracted to?
Has she quit making an effort to look pretty, is too busy with kids and housework to have the time to pretty up?
When u figure out the problem u r half way through.
The work on solving it.
IF its another woman figure out if shes worth ur marriage & kids.
If its ur wife, u can sit her down and explain what u need from her, help her with house chores, kids etc, take her out at least once a week, leave kids with a babysitter.
Talk more, communicate, make love more often.
U can work it out if u still love her.

First of all communication is always important in marriage this way each one knows how the other is feeling and get answers to help their marriage. My question to you is that are you still in love with her, you have children and you want to try and work it out don't you know that children can tell what is real and whats not real. So lets not use the children to stay together find out where things went wrong you have had some reason for marrying this woman try to figure what happen that has given you thoughts of divorce.

best of luck

idania p
Do you think she totally ignores the problem? Probably not. Don't quit very easy cause it is normal to have those feelings once in a while, definitely that is something you both need to work out and you have to be honest without hurting her feelings, don't tell her it is probably the 40 pounds she putted on lately, or something like that...lol try to do things that you usued to enjoy before, take sometime for the two of you only, try new activities and try to have fun again, life is stressful and rutine makes it boring, divorce its always the last resource, it should be avoided as much as you can. Talk to her at a special place with no kids around her, make something special and tell her you both need to get TOGETHER again.
Good luck, and God bless you.

say it just like u state here. if u are not happy then u should get out. i was in the same situation but without kids. was not attracted to my husband. we tried to work it out but it didnt help.

ahh man are you my husband???

I can't see in the first place why you would wait so long and wait for your feelings to be this bad to do something about it.

But, it is reality. Sit her down. Honesty is the best policy is how I know it. Her reaction may not be in your favor but be honest.

What you have going here is that you are actually willing to work on it. Hopefully, she would see this in a positive way. Get professional help.

Is there someone else on your end?

Adrienne L
exactly what you just said. there's no other way to say it. will hurt but that's life

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