How do i deal with the fact that i love my husband and don't want to lose him but he won't/can't stop cheating

jude

its not possible to deal with betrayal, u love him but if he loved u the same way he would not have cheated, and at least not with your friends. he made choices in life, he could have just as easily made the choice not to cheat, this is unfortunately part of his character and if the cheating has gone on this long, its not likely to change. u just have to decide if u want this to be your life.

Òº×¡ÏÎµ 2Ó¨Ó¨8

A real man doesn't cheat in the first place and yes they can stop if *they* *want* to, apparently he doesn't stop because he knows you always take him back. Get rid of him and realise you're better than this.

Morley

I'm sorry but a man who cheats on you constantly DOES NOT LOVE YOU. I really think that you should re-examine your self esteem here...you are worth more than this. Your health is now compromised. You have a little boy who undoubtedly will grow to look up to his dad. You said it yourself....he is humiliating you and you are allowing it. I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh and I cannot imagine how painful this must be...but you need to give your head a shake and get the hell out. Be strong. Life is too short to be abused like this!

Please get some therapy so you can get strong and get out for your own sake as well as your sons.

nonameblonde

How could you sit there and say you believe he loves you too? Love is respect. He has no respect for you, himself, you son, your marriage and has made your life a joke. Be most certain that if you stay with this man, you son will see how he treats women and he'll learn from his Dad.

You know you need to leave him. He doesn't respect you and it's a bad example for your son.

DolphinFan02

you need to drop him unfortunately, you can't live in a relationship where he is constantly cheating...HES USING YOU!!!! I can't believe you think this is ok!

I wasted 16 years in the same type of relationship, my wife slept with all my friends and even my friends fathers, do not waste anymore time in this loveless relationship. I finally found happiness and I know you can to. So say, "Stop", and file for divorce and start over. Good luck to you and your son.

saphirehon

You can love somebody but not love the behaviour. If you stay with your husband and your son grows up watching you accept his fathers behaviours it tells your son that its ok. If you leave it tells your son that the behaviour is unacceptable.

Twisted Fairy

Realize your self worth...you are worth so much more than the way he treats you!! If he truly loved you he would not do these things to you! Stand up for yourself and for the example you want to be to your son!! You're letting him walk all over you...and as long as you let him...no matter how much he says he will, he WILL NEVER change!!!

He isn't going to change.
You either have to accept that he "loves" you but can't love JUST you or you have to deal with being without him. The second option will seem like the hardest but will have the best payoff in the end.

jemmamomma

Did Mrs. Rooskie notice that you said HE was cheating on YOU?
Another thing, he's cheating with your "friends"? They are not your real friends at all if they would also betray you in that way. Have the 2 of you ever gone to couples counseling? It doesn't sound like this is something he's going to stop on his own. He knows that you will let him get away with it. Personally, I would leave--I won't tolerate cheating.

Rein

I don't understand why you would put up with this humiliating and belittling behavior. I think that he has issues that are obvious and you do as well. I am sorry, but I think you need to look at yourself and your self esteem, understand why you love a person who does something so mean to you over and over again and you take it. I think you need help. I am sorry this thing is happening to you. I wish you the best.

C_DOGG

Not sure he really loves you if he is willing to disrespect you by sleeping with your friends. You need to think about that. If you want to stay with him then you just deal with the humiliation or cheat on him and see how he feels. I know that is not a good answer but what else can you do. i think leaving him is your best option.

sheloves_dablues

Divorce. His love for you is superficial and he's treating the whole family like dirt. Do your son a favor and teach him that men who cheat on their wives don't deserve to stay married to them.

al.chapman42

we are given marriage to love not to cheat

George

Good lord not only do you need a new husband but you need some new friends too. He can't love you and cheat like this....it isn't a one time mistake in a weak moment....this is who he is....his feelings of cheating are more important to him than the pain and humiliation he is heaping on you.

KiRACASNiAGA

If he really did love you, he wouldn't be out doing what he is doing. I mean if he cared he would stop I mean he's causing you to get ill. Leave him. There is better out there for you no man is worth being put through that humiliation over and over. And as for your son he shouldn't be seeing that. Raise him right and i'm sure he will not come out like his dad. I mean I'm sure he sees that pain he puts you through and he may eventually end up hating his dad for doing that. I think you should leave him and go on with your life and just think about your son and yourself.

Laughing all the way

If you want to stay with him there's nothing you can do. You can always try a polygamous mariage. Darling he can stop he just won't. Read "The Constant Wife" that should help you out a bit.

Countess

Only YOU can decide: do you want your son to grow up seeing his father disrespect women, and you just going along with it?

Do you want your health to break down to the point you can't take care of your child? Do you enjoy being humiliated? Has he given any indication that he will ever change?

If the answer to the above is NO, then you know what you need to do. LEAVE! Have some respect for yourself, girl. He's never going to change and you're just enabling him to continue his behavior.

If it's too hard to do, seek therapy to help you get yourself together. It will help you find out why you don't think you deserve better.

Start today---it's important.

4HIM

This is not love. It is an unhealthy situation for you and your child. Leave this person. He will never respect you if you don't love and respect yourself. If he really loves and cares about you, he will get counseling. After he has done this and completed the counseling, then maybe you can get back together but, not until then.

Think of all of the diseases you can get and you need new friends. These women are not your friend. Please start loving and respecting yourself. Now.

ladybug

If he wanted to stop he would.

By taking him back every time you are enabling his behavior and helping him justify it in his own mind.

He doesn't respect you and neither do your "Friends" that have slept with him.

Your heart problems (I'm assuming you mean Atrial Fibrillation) will not go away until you remove the stressor.

Remove this man from your life like the "cancerous mole" that he is before it literally kills you. What do you think the affect will be on your son then?

If you don't respect yourself enough to leave do it for your son.

dingding

OK, repeat after me: "He won't stop cheating." It's not that he can't stop, he WON'T stop. Cheating isn't an inborn trait, it is a behavior that stems from poor self-esteem. I'm sure he loves you on a lot of levels, but he does not respect you enough to get the help he needs to make the decision to stop this destructive behavior. And if this is with people you know, then he is being doubly disrespectful. He needs to find out why he feels compelled to do this to you and himself. He's not a happy guy, I can tell you that. Until he gets help, perhaps you need to separate for a few months so he can figure his stuff out, and you can decide if you even want to keep the marriage going. That's up to you.

1Glamourgirl

What? He's sleeping with your friends? Sorry! Sweetie they are not your friends... You can't blame anyone else but yourself for allowing him to cheat with your friends... He doesn't love you, he just loves his son... Are you blind? Why are you still with him if he's still cheating? Your allowing him to hurt you, Why? I think your son will be fine, because he will be his own person in life... Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. You can love someone in many different ways and just maybe your husband loves you more as a friend than a wife... What made you marry him if he was cheating on you before you got married, knowing it before hand? Why do you think he married you, for all the wrong reasons????? Maybe just for the security of it???? I'm not trying to pick on you I'm just trying to open up your eyes to the truth of your relationship. I know it's painful but it's more painful to stay in a relationship of false hope and lies... The trust is long gone... You make it sound like this man is the only man in the world... What's so great about him? Any man can be a Dad but your son will only have one Father... It sounds like you need to get involved in a good church home and rise your son well...

Angel

The fact that hes cheating should tell you that its ovwer as hard as it is be the bigger person and tell him to leave, and if they were your true unconditional friends they wouldnt sleep with your husband

Marta L

11 years wowowowow What a predicament you have......I do not want to sound judging,,,,but what do you look and act like???? why does he has the need to sleep with your so called (Friends)

Tell you what,,,,,,,,change your friends, get new ones and if you are going to feel the way you feel right now? you need to change your life around,,,,,and I see only two choices,,,,1- you become a hoer in your bed so that he is hungry no more,,,,,or you need to drop his butt really fast,,,,,I am sorry for your pain,,,,Good luck

MovingOn

Get over it and leave his lame ***. He obviously doesn't respect you.

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