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How do i forgive my husband for cheating on me?
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How do i forgive my husband for cheating on me?

My husband & I Have been together for nearly 10 years. I just found out 2 days before Christmas that he cheated on me with a friend of the family. She is now pregnant. I have made the decision to try to forgive him because he has always been a good husband & father & I love him. I do feel that he truly is sorry. But the problem I have is that she lives in our town, & we see her almost daily. Now with her being pregnant with my husband's child I am really having a difficult time dealing with this. To top things off we have been trying to have a baby for over two years now. They slept together twice & she is pregnant. I feel like less of woman because of this. I hate her more & more everytime I see her. I get angrier & throw it in his face every chance I get & I don't want to do that. I am not willing to throw our marriage away over 1 mistake, but how do I deal with all of this & begin to heal. I feel if I don't figure out a way to handle things we won't make it.


    




~leaving traces~
Rating
In Christ's famous words, Forgiving is to "cast it as far as the East is from the West". You cannot "forgive" and continue to throw this in your husband's face. I have to admire someone willing to forgive a sin this big, though. This man has created a child with this woman. This child does not deserve the anger you will feel, and also deserves it's Father to be present in it's life. He should take responsibility for this child. Can you handle that? A constant reminder RIGHT THERE of his infidelity? It can be done, but you have to be REALLY strong. Also, he needs to be an open book from NOW ON.
You shouldn't hate this woman. I know you think I'm nuts, but when I found out my husband was "fooling around" with a girl half his age (and mine) I was angry at her but only briefly, before realizing that this young woman had NO connection to me, and therefore NO commitments. HE did! My anger was more appropriately directed at HIM where it belonged. I did talk with her, but only to find out the truth. I did not attack her, because my fight was with HIM. If you do forgive him, you will NEVER forget this, but you cannot continually use it as a weapon to beat him over the head with it over and over again. Hate in your heart will consume you too. You have to decide if you can learn to live with this indiscretion, because once again you will NEVER forget it. It lessons with time, but two years later, my experience still comes to mind, and I have to remind myself to leave that behind. If it happens again, I will deal with it swiftly, and take action no matter how much it hurts. I will NOT play the part of fool for anyone anymore!
You are not less of a woman. You are a hurt woman. This was about HIM, not you. It was a "feel good" moment, that had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. If you want to give him a second chance, fine, but be prepared for a LONG journey of healing that will come at a price. If you cannot put this behind you, then your peace of mind is the price you will pay, and nothing's worth losing that. Decide if you can roll with this, Honey. If you can, good. If you cannot, there is NO shame in cutting your losses and moving on to someone that won't do this to you EVER.


JoKeReSs
Rating
Actually, he made 4 mistakes.

1- He slept with her once.
2 - He slept with her TWICE.
3 - He got her pregnent.
4 - He swore himself to you the day you both married.

If he didn't mean to do it, or was confused, or whatever he has been telling you, just what was he doing sleeping with her on more than one occassion? You asked, and my answer is, I don't think that you should forgive him. He has done the worst thing you could do in a marriage.
He swore to be yours, and only yours and he broke that oath, twice.


smith.sara79
it wasn't one mistake if he slept with her twice :-(
I couldn't handle it, sorry.
This will be in your life forever with a child being born from it.
If you get over this, I think you should consider going into Sainthood...
I wish you luck


ruthcookie16
you dont forgive him


Antwan DUBBA U
Rating
If he spits in your face once he will do it again> thats what he did with this cheating thing. I think you need a divorce honey. Once a cheater always a cheater.


jim's girl
There really is no "forgiveness" in a situation like this, there is just a moving on with life, with or without him-that is up to you. You need to seek counseling for yourself and possibly your marriage if you chose.


CC
Rating
I have been married 3 years and if I cheated on my wife , I hope she would never forgive me it is wrong and that is just a fact.


Dakota G
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I don't see where this would be going...especially since he cheated on you. ANOTHER woman is having his child...do you understand what that means? It means that he is going to be in this other child's life. Personally I would kick his a*s to the curb. Good husband/father or not. He really proved that in this situation didn't he?
Besides you will always have doubt in your mind when it comes to trusting him. I hate to say it but there will never be 100% trust.


Tina
Rating
You are going to continue on with more hurt and devastation because you have chose to stay with a man that cheated. You know...love...love is not hurting, not bringing pain, wanting to protect and bring nothing but good to that person.


Islander
You will never forget or forgive with another child in question. That child and this woman will always come between you. Your hate and feelings will just grow. Sorry but I dont think you will make it. It is better to accept and move on.


NYCLady
Rating
I'm not really sure you will get over this. That child will be in his life and will be a constant reminder of your husband's infidelity. You will continue to be angry and hate her for having a child with your husband. I think you should seek counseling for your marriage and even consider moving on with your life. Good luck!


Client 9-Valerie X
I read stuff like this and I was always come back with same thought- HOW IS CHEATING EVEN REMOTELY WORTH ALL THIS???

Honestly.


Hilinenursegrl
That "one mistake" is a huge one. It has ruined you trust and faith in him. It has scarred your heart and changed your love for him and it has a huge possibility of ruining your life. I got pregnant with my youngest son with I man I had been with for over a year before I knew he had a fiance. She stayed with and married him. But every chance she gets she is trying to ruin my and my son's life because of her anger over what happened. Most importantly, HE is the one who holds the bulk of the blame here. He is the one who took your wedding vows and made a joke of them. I don't care what people say about staying with someone who cheats, I don't feel you EVER are able to build a life with them. The trust and respect are gone.

EDIT: I should add that my son's father and his wife did have their own child. Afet 9 years together he left her and moved in with another woman, so people are right, once a cheater always a cheater.


♥ Embracing Optical Freedom ♥
Dang once a cheater always a cheater. If you forgive him he'll never learn a lesson and he'll continue cheating because he thinks you'll continue forgiving him.


Mr Bad Boy
This is a sad story. The obvious answer was to divorce him, and that is the easy way out. But you say you don't want to. You are NOT less of a woman regarding the pregnancy so don't worry about that. The only solution I can see for this is that you and him will have to move to another town. Cos if you see her everyday, it will rule your entire life.


Rebbecca A
Rating
If you don't have any children with him, it may be best to let him go. When she has this child you'll be stuck with it for life. What's in it for you? Since he has been unfaithful and if you have no children you have the right to leave. If there are children involved, ask God to bring you peace and help you resolve it.


?
Rating
you dont.


David H
I am sorry for your experience but if you can't put that behind you your marriage will fail. You need to be able to communicate your feelings about this to your hubby and make a thoughtful decision together. This will only get harder as this other woman has thier baby and he spends more time with the baby. Only time can heal wounds this deep not a simple I am sorry.


New Orleans Diva
Rating
The forgiving part is the easy part. The forgetting, that's the stinker, or the lesson!

I was cheated on, by my first husband. I forgave him, after a while. That was over thirty-years ago. In all that time, I've never forgotten what he did to me and our daughter. You see, I was pregnant for the very first time, when things started going haywire. At seven months, he left.

He did it in a very smooth and logical way. Because I was pregnant and he worked at night, he said he'd worry less if I stayed with my mother. Hah! I was very naive then and believed him hook, line, and sinker. While I'm at my mother's, he moves his new girlfriend into our apartment. **it hit the fan after I'd given birth and decided it was time for me to go back home. I walked in on them watching "All My Children". Ain't that a blimp? Anyway to make a long story short, a year later we divorce. The irony? The divorce finalized on the very date we were married. Hah!

I chose over the interviening years to take a lesson from this episode in my life. I chose to empower myself and not look back. I knew at that time that if I'd stayed with him I'd be forever looking over my shoulder. And questioning every word, intent, and facial expression. I'd have wasted my energy trying to save a marriage that was unrepairible.

Cheating to some is an addiction. No matter how sincere their plea for forgiveness, the temptation is still there. And with the object of this betrayal living in the same town, well, there isn't a chance for you to get through this without eventually breaking down.

My advice is to first go to your church, kneel down and pray, if that is something that may comfort you. Then, speak to your priest or pastor or rabbi. Then, speak with your mother or sister or brother. Even, go and speak to your husband about his transgression, again. Then...speak with YOURSELF!

His cheating was NEVER AND IS NOT, YOUR FAULT! It was HIS choice. End of story.

Now it's time for you to write a book of your own. With new choices you make for yourself. Dig deep within and you will find a tigress. Let her show you the way to make your life stronger. Some may tell you to stay with him because of your marriage vows. But please, tell them you were not the one to break those vows. And with a child involved...his loyality will be divided. That's if he knows what loyality is.

Don't think you can not do this life in a more stronger and healthier way. You can. Always remember, the first person who should be your very best friend, is you. The first person to love you like no one else loves you, is you.

I wish you many blessings. I hope that this has help in some way. Godspeed.


-{Ayla}-
Rating
Oh lord sweetie. I will tell you now, you may love him, and you are a brave woman to forgive him, but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same towards you. If he cheated on you and got another woman pregnant, then I think its time to call it quits. Not to be mean, but only honest, he doesn't love you if he did that crap. If he did it once, he will most certainly do it again. If you keep on forgiving him, he will continue to think that he can get away with it, and he has plainly broken his commitment to you. If I were you, I would file a divorce. He is already starting a family with another woman, so there really isn't a point in staying with him. You don't have kids with him yet, so its probably better to get out of this marriage while you can. No child support or anything. If he wants to be with this woman (which he obviously does), then there really isn't a point in trying. I don't really know, this is quite a hard situation. I just hope you do what your heart tells you to do. Good luck sweetie!


ladyren
How do you forgive him? Why would you want to? Betrayal is the dealbuster.... In a marraige with betrayal, only 20% survive even two years, and that is with both in counseling, and both wishing to save it. If marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, sweets, your trust is gone, with the passion getting shared. For sure you have lost all respect and admiration for him. Your marriage right now is pretty much dead.... about like a 95 year old man on a respirator.

20% is an F in school, and gotta be an F in life. Why would you even want to stay????? The image of him pronging some other lady, can never be scooped out of your brain.....


Blue
Rating
Well, if you dont have kids together, id say dump his a55 so he can be a father to the kid on the way.

Resentment and pent up hostility will end in divorce anyway. And it wasnt you that threw the marriage away, it was him when he got together w/ someone else. Dont be "that girl" and stay thru all kinds of crap you dont deserve just for the sake of staying. You forgive him for this, and since he is already cheating on you, he will think "hey, that wasnt so bad, maybe i can get away w/ it again". And, the thought will always be there.


Find a good job in a different city, dump him, move on.

Edit: therapists only make money if you keep having problems. If its so far gone you need a total stranger to initiate conversation, its over anyway.


mnorman2007
It wasn't "1 little mistake" it was at least 2 times as you said and I assume that is the number of times he said he had only slept with her. First, you are never less of a woman because you husband thinks with the wrong head.
What would be the consequences if your marriage did not make it? talk to a family counselor...Yahoo is not the place to save or lose a marriage. But from person experience, why I caught my ex doing the same, I didn't/ couldn't forgive her, warred for 3 misable years til I finally divorced her.
Don't torture yourself, find a way to forgive and forget or get out. either way, you need to keep reminding yourself, you are a good person, you deserve to be happy.


xraycarol
Rating
If you see true remorse on your husband's part, then I believe that you have to forgive him. Try to seek counseling for both of you. It's a safe arena where you both can vent, and begin the healing process. Forgiveness is a deliberate mental act, and is a very long process, and you can do it.
Believe me on this one. Through counseling you may find that in the end your marriage is better and stronger. Regarding the pregnant girlfriend. . .
you have to believe that he dumped her and came back to you for a reason. As for being less of a woman than her because she is pregnant, does not make sense. You are more of woman if you can forgive your husband, work on your marriage, and forget about the tramp that used him for a night. She's not worth the sleep lost.

You do have to understand that healing is a very long process. Be patient with yourself and your husband. Try your best not to throw his indescretion up to him, and try to focus more on the positive aspects in your marriage. Take courage, you will get there, but it will take work and help.


sweetpea5499
Rating
It wont get better. You will have her and this child in your life for 18 years... and he will cheat on you again. All men cheat... again and again. Its a never ending cycle. You are going to deal with this woman and deal with this baby for a long time... you will not get over it. Maybe you should try to get pregnant with someone else. Or at least tell him you have been trying. See how he feels... the pig!

If you truly plan on being with this slob... i suggest you start getting over it because it is not the child's fault that your husband is a pig!!! He/she will need a father figure and it should be the real father. So dropping them both out of your life would not be an option. The only way to solve this is to leave. He will sleep with another woman and possibly get her pregnant too.

What a wh*re that woman is... shes the family friend... and she slept with your husband. I would exit her out of the whole family. What a sl*t!!!!! That is unacceptable and I would also let the family know that she is not worth having as a friend. You should give detail (for how embarrassing it will be) because they need to know what to look out for. She has probably slept with the whole family.


Marta L
Rating
If you think you have it bad now,,,,,,Imagen when that child is born and you get the reminder in your face every time you look at it. If you are feeling this way now and are overwhelm with the situation, my opinion is that you should re consider if you want to keep living this way at all,,,,,,,,You are not less of a woman just human and if I were you I will make my self be better, more hole and as beautiful as I possibly could just to please my self. Think this very well,,,,Is He worth it?


I DONT CARE
Rating
Look, either you forgive him or you dont. You already know that continuing to bring it up in his face is only going to ruin the relationship between the two of you worse than already. Why dont you suggest to him moving towns? Its just a suggestion, to see his response and how he would take it, maybe you need to know that he fully recognizes what he did and now wants nothing to do with her. because of the fact that the 2 of you want a baby and have been unsuccessful when that baby is born itll will only hurt you more to see it, and of course in the back of your mind your going to wonder if whether he wants to be there for that baby or not right? your going to hurt alot, but you decided to take him back. I think you should heavily consider why you are taking him back. Love is love, and it hurts, but once a cheater, i dont think youll be able to really accept or forget what he did. Because the two of you have no attachments to one another, i think if i were u id consider leaving him, yes you love him, but he started a family with another woman, that baby will always be part of him, u know? whether he 's there for the child or not.You are in such a tough spot and i hate it for u, i honestly do, i hate that men think so selfishly,for all you know he just threw out the number 2x, what if it were more?Does tht baby deserve to be without his father?I dont know dear, think it thru clearly, and with the decision that you make, i wish u all of the best, and hope that things get better for you, regardless of the decision.





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