How do i tell HIM not to talk to HER?

raquel_414

if he accepted Christ.. My first question is HAVE YOU?
Scenario 1...

You have accepted Christ, in which case I would suggest you first pray about it and seek the words from the Lord to say. You should talk to God about why you feel this way, and why he insists on talking to this female. God will give you an answer..it may be through reading the BiBLE.. Hearing A preaching.. or simply you will feel the right answer within your heart.

scenario 2..

You have not accepted Christ.. in which i suggest you should think about why you have not.. and then read the Bible about equally yoked marraiges...and in essence accept the Lord and repent of any sins. In this case, God will give YOU a peace and work out your situation for the best!

God Bless!

Lefty

When you tell him, don't be vague about your feelings. One of the least effective, but most often used tactic used by women to communicate with us men is to let us try and figure it out. Don't beat about the bush. Tell him that it makes you feel insecure and scared. He will try to brush is off, but be adamant. You are not talking about reality (mans world), you are talking about your feelings (women's world).

Bill

You don't tell him what to do. That's not your place.

You SHARE your feelings with him.

"Cletus, I feel threatened when you and Shanequa chat on MySpace. It brings back memories of that whole business with Lurlene. I shouldn't have said what I said, and I appreciate all the changes you've made since the Lurlene thing, but I really feel threatened and hurt here. Can we please talk about this?"

Fight fair. I-phrases are great: "I feel," "I think," "I want." You-absolutes are not: "You always..."

Own your feelings. Share the feelings you own. Maybe that will be enough to prompt him to decide what the right thing to do is.

Demanding will likely just make him dig his heels in.

jimmy.parker06

simple, he broke your trust once, if he wants to keep it, stop talking to this new girl. Any man in his place would consider himself very lucky because his wife forgave me and would be very careful the rest of his life.

F. Perdurabo

If you are married you need to learn how to approach your spouse UNEMOTIONALLY with this stuff. If you start getting angry and yelling he's going to put up a wall and he won't hear anything you're saying. You have a right to be suspicious and I know my wife would be very perturbed with me if I had online relationships with single women. That is pretty much a bozo no-no if you're married.

Getting Jesus doesn't change anything, incidentally. It just gets people off your back for a while. Men generally don't change ever, despite what he might claim.

FP

Call Me Babs

Face it, your husband is a womanizer. You shouldn't have to "tell" him to stop talking to any woman. He has no business doing that in the first place. And if you accuse him of cheating on you, I think you have grounds to do that and you shouldn't have to apologize to him for anything. Get a grip on yourself. See him for what he is. Destroy the computer or throw him out--or live with the fact that he likes to be entertained by other women.

You already have grounds for divorce. Tell him thats where he is headed if he cant respect your feelings about this. He should be kissing your butt, but it looks more like your kissing his.

The Doctor

You can be honest with him. Just tell him you don't feel comfortable knowing that he talks to that particular person and that you would like him to stop.

Any man that loves a woman will stop talking to that person. Now if you ask any man to stop talking to his mother or sister, then it'll be a different story.

Good luck!

theta42196

Come clean and tell him how you feel. Be completely honest and hopefully things will work out.

just me

Just sit him down and talk but dn't make him feel on the spot like you don't trust him.

Geanet

You really shouldn''t be trying to tell him not to talk to her unless you can prove that he was being more than friendly to her. He should be allowed to have female friends!

& try to trust him. If he appologized, I can assume he's learned his lesson.

& If you're still unsure try talking to your husband about how you feel.

*CutieWitABootie*

Hey...
This isn't really information on your question but! I had no other way of letting you know HOW much I appreciated all the information you gave me..
You answered my question and brought a smile to my face..
please email me..I have questions I need to ask about PCOS.....
lil_blond_babygurl@prodigy.net...
Thank you soooo much sweetheart!!

(sit him down and just tell him! I wouldn't appreciate that very much either...Tell him how much it bothers you to know he's cheated on you...and especially with your BEST friend..)

Oliver T

He came over Christ??!!

Sweetlove

If he is talk to this women is because he what to sleep with her I have a husband he have friend but he stop talking to her when we got married know he only have guys friend .
If you dot trust him because what he did just move on with you're life you need time for you're self you dot need a men to be happy OK
Good luck!

ppv918

Sit with him and express your fears to him. Tell him that him talking to this girl makes your uneasy and uncomfortable. That for the benefit of the relationship, it would be best that he respect your feelings on this.

the love fairy

talk to him about it . if he tries to change the subject------yell at him(cuz thats what guys always do,like changing the subject)

ALeoStar

Explain your feelings to him the way you did on this site. Personally, you shouldn't have to give a deep in depth reason for not wanting him to talk to this woman. He should recognize his past mistakes and be able to understand why you feel the way that you do. However, it also sounds like you haven't TRULY forgiven him for his affair. You need to really reevaluate your feelings on him and the past situation. Are you really happy? Do you truly trust him? You two may need to go to counseling. Counseling may help the two of you pinpoint each others insecurities which obviously led to his affair and your current mistrust. Good luck

camys_daddy

Well, you now know how NOT to do it.

Ok, you can't control him. But I do think you have to share how it makes you feel.

The general format is WIFTS

When you ______________, I Feel ______________, I Think ____________, so I'd like to respectfully ask you to ____________.

So it would go something like this:

When you correspond online, I feel all those jealous feelings from when you slept with my best friend, I don't think you are having an affair, but I still get those feelings. So I'd like to respectfully ask for you to stop, or perhaps only write her with me watching and reading what you write. I prefer that you not communicate at all, and certainly don't want you to carry on any sort of communication with a woman behind my back.

I think you would feel the same way if I was carrying on in correspondance with a man behind your back, so please respect how I feel regarding this.

bradystjames

my space ? there is nothing good that can come out of it.

my space is nothing but a dating site. even if you trust him there will be girls on there flirting with him. nothing good can come of it i am telling you. i would tell him to delete it.

http://www.greendoorgifts.com/

frdsgt

Seriously.... i usually just put stupid answers as jokes for these kind of posts...but I have to say that you have a reasonable question and deserve a reasonable answer. Honestly, the best thing for you to do is to just tell your husband to stop talking to this girl because it's disrespectful to you. The simpler the better. It's always bad when you beat around the bush. At the same time though you need to establish, with your husband, some sort of understanding that when on person makes a request of the other person it needs to be met with respect. Your husband needs to understand this and if he doesn't then nothing you say will matter. My wife tells me who i can and can't meet with one on one or talk to for long periods of time, but that's up to me to make that effort. I think your husband will understand if you let him know how much it hurts you how much it makes you jealous when he does spend time talking to this girl.

helly

Well, I hate to say it, but once a cheat, always a cheat. Sounds like he's up to his old tricks again, and your feelings don't seem to matter to him at all. If he was even slightly sorry for what he did a year ago, he wouldn't be doing this and hurting you all over again.

recomio@sbcglobal.net

Tell him, you shouldnt be chatting with other women. If you going to continue to do this, then I will leave you for a better man.

You are crazy to not make him choose, because if he really loved you, he would choose to stop talking to her. And if he still behind your back after telling you he will stop, then you know there is something going on.

SexyTrojan

Tell him exactly what you said here.

life is

you just have to tell him, if your hubby really loves you,he will respect you for your fears that you have -espec after he has been a %&$Â· before.

Be honest with him and explain all,you cant go on for ever more with fears that he may wonder again.
good luck

jude

in order for him to gain your complete trust, he has to stop talking to girls, even if it is innocent, as u say it is the way the last incident occurred. u feel threatened, and anyone of us would. has there been any counseling? he must understand why u feel as u do, and it is only natural not to want any competition in your marriage.

Dr. D. AKA Evil Woman

it's either me or her, you decide or I will!

pikachu

why did you forgive your husband and not your (ex) best friend? they both committed the same crime, it's not really fair to forgive one and not the other.

anyway, back to the question. just tell him to stop talking to her, tell him that you are concerned that it will end up the same way it did with your ex best friend, and make sure you let him know that if it happens again you will not forgive him this time.

Owen E

Really explain to him what you have just told us that this is how he cheated on you with the ex friend to start with and the whole trust issue with him is no where near finished, and if he has any love for you and your feelings he will stop communicating with this girl now!

cadillacrazy

Uh, your marriage will definitly fall apart if you can not learn to trust him again. Explain to him that in order for you to trust him you need him to understand that if he ever cheats on you again, there will be NO forgiveness the second time around. then forget about him talking to other women until you've found out he's cheated. when that happens, divorce him.

CryAlone

How do i tell HIM not to talk to HER? --------------> yell at at him

lara

You tell him you want to speak to her too, and your fears are genuine you forgave him once do not bring up the ex best friend, tell him you want to get to know this mutual friend even invite her over with a couple of other friends or you could get your own space and make your own friends preferable men so he can't sleep with them.

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