How do you deal with an ungrateful partner?

my husband lost his job 8 months ago, I in turn started working major overtime at work to make up the financial difference. At first he was really understanding, he helped by cooking dinner so I could sleep an extra hour he entertained our son so he wouldnt disturb me but as the months went on he became less involved in helping out around the house.

Last week his old boss called and asked if hed like to return to work, he jumped on the banwagon so fast my head spun - this is where things took a turn for the worst, he started nit picking if I didnt cook or if there were socks left on the bathroom floor he'd blow up about what a pig I am and so on.

My issue is hes only been working about a week now and during that week Ive worked 58 hours from saturday till today (wednesday) when does he expect me to sleep? in addition to the fact that since hes working our 3 year old wakes me up every 10 minutes mommy Im hungry, mommy Im thirsty, so I never get a solid 6 hours of sleep.

Today was the worst ever, he came home from work and found our 3 year old playing with my foundation in the bathroom he poured an entire bottle of foundation in the bathroom sink and proceeded to finger paint with it. My husband spanked him and sent him to his room then proceeded to yell for me to wake up and "see what MY son did" then he went on to critize the fact that "all I do is sleep" and that Im a damn pig and the downstairs bathroom has hair on the floor (oh I forgot to mention that I am currently undergoing radiation for a Thyroid issue thus making my hair fall out when I comb it) he goes on and on about how my hairs been on the bathroom floor for days and why does he have to come home to dishes int he sink he claims all I like to do is eat and sleep and maybe i need to start using the treadmill thats been in the living room for 2 months that I never use and how I have to gain better control of our son because "none of this crap happens when hes home with him" uhhhh when hes home with him they're both sleeping.

So how do you deal with an ungrateful partner, or is it me who's causing the issue?

Be honest you cant hurt my feelings more than he did!

Erica Z

Leave the man and let him see what its like without you.

stacy g

tell him like it is you never complained about him not pulling his wait when he was off ,and you work just like he does , it should be shared duties or you'll gladly let him support the family and you be a stay at home mom

bluehorse19

I think the first thing you need to do is find a babysitter or a relative to take care of your son. Next you should take a day or weekend and just relax away from your home..maybe at your mom's house or something. In that time you can clear your head and get a handle on the situation, because your husband is being more than ungrateful. He is lucky that you are working while going through radiation! That is extremely tough! He needs to be more understanding...I hope everything works out. I also highly suggest that you talk to a close friend or family member (someone you can trust) and remember this is not your fault and you deserve so much better!

good luck :)

Chelsea L

wow. you deserve a lot better than that. i dont get much help either, but he doesnt complain about housework not getting done (cuz its not like he does ne himself) just sit him down and explain everything you have been through, and if he cant be grateful then i would try to leave. cuz it could get worse....it could be stress(on his part)

mack

Sounds to me like you need to lay down the law to him. You are working every bit as hard as he is if not harder and he does not need to be so critical of your housekeeping right now. He needs to understand that you are clearly doing your part on the financial end of things but that means that other things will suffer temporarily until your work slows down a bit. Of course; you should try not to let your house get Too dirty but then again; he should help out too.

Sit him down and explain these things to him gently but firmly and let him know you are not going to tolerate him calling you a pig and etc. Tell him you would appreciate some help from him with the housework until things slow down a bit for you at work. If he refuses, tell him he has 3 options. 1) Put up and shut up. 2) Hire a maid. 3) Divorce.

iheartamericaneagle07

Well he sounds verbally abusive which I wouldn't wish upon anyone and thats first of all. He needs to be put in his place and realize that he has just as much to do with the housework as you do, this isn't the 50s.

However, not to be mean or put you down, I'm sure you are very tired and under a lot of stress, but you really shouldn't be letting your 3 year old run around while you are sleeping (I am assuming this is during the day). Kids that age get into everything and especially things theyre not supposed to. Get help if you are that tired, either a nanny or ask a friend or family member. Seriously, your son could have gotten into something much worse than that.

Anyway, if this persists, try to get into counseling asap. You two have just lost sight of each other and aren't communicating to the best of your abilities. Good luck sweetie, hang in there :)

Michele

Bring out the "divorce card".
That should scare him.

a w

hi explain to him what you feel, if he dont listen then dont do things, dont wash his clothes dont cook.

musicnotes@pacbell.net

First of all, your husband has probably felt a lot of trauma to start with. Secondly, maybe he has this dream to be better, or to get more money, but he just can't see it happening. Thirdly, he may place the blame on you so that you seem to be the one lagging his "dream" in his mind. This is my hypothesis about his attitude.

To deal with him, listen to what he complains about, and then try and deal with the problem. This is what I would do.

If you just can't stand him, then do what you wish, but for me, i would bite my tongue and endure through the bad times.

truth

Well you can't keep this schedule up for long. You need to point it out to him that he wasn't working or undergoing radiation when he took care of the 3 year old. That makes a big difference. But honestly you can't keep tis up. I tried it. Since you can't really depend on his job security yet my first choice would be to hire a babysitter while you are getting some rest. I got a 12 year old girl to come over and watch my kids while I was asleep. Because I was right there if she needed to wake me and they liked her. I also traded a few hours of babysitting with another mom. I watched her baby while she went to 2 classes and she would comeover while a got a couple of hours sleep. I know how you feel and it isn't safe for the 3 year old. Thank God it was make up instead of Drano or bleach or whatever. I don't know if you can make the spouse wake up and realize he is being selfish and you and your child need his help. But you have to take control of the situation and start meeting your own needs until he comes around.

janicajayne

You let a 3 year old run around the house unsupervised while you were sleeping and you are mad at your husband? Grow up. What if the kid had drank the foundation and died instead of fingerpainting with it?

Redneck_Momma

I don't give a crap how tired you are, you need to watch your kid during the day instead of sleeping. What if he got into some chemicals under the bathroom sink? What if he just opened the front door and started wandering around the nieghborhood? There are a million possibilities. You really are irresponsible and it's no wonder your husband was yelling at you.

Most people work hard to make ends meet.. That's not an excuse to live in a pigsty and put your children at risk.

paula

He sounds abusive. Radiation is hard. I hate men like this who feel that the the only one that count is them. I would get someone to watch your son, or better yet, maybe go to daycare during the day so can rest. My daughter recently underwent chemo for ovarian cancer and the chemo would wipe her out. I would take my three year old grandson and he has high energy. I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion from taking her back and forth to chemo, cleaning, shopping and then I had my own things to do. I work outside the home as well. If he were any type of husband, he would be more sensitive to your needs and get you the help you need for yourself and child. It doesn't sound like your house is that much of a pig stye except for maybe dishes in the sink every once in a while. Sounds like he is using housework to cover up for other issues he's having. They are his issues and not yours. I pray that you have a speedy recovery, and that you find a job outside of your house. I know that when I work from home and I'm at home longer than three days I get heart palpitations and sweats when I'm around my mate too much. Thank goodness I haven't married him. I'm having second thoughts about it, because he would make my life a living hell.

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