How long can it usually take to get over someone?

Hi~

I had a 3 year long on and off relationship with a man that basically drove me nuts.
We had a roller coaster relationship.
He did not respect me and that is why we broke up so many times.

We have been broken up since October '09.
We had a short period where we were kind of negotiating in March, but nothing came of it.

Why do I still think about him? When will I be over this?
I am having a hard time dating other men because I feel I am still not totally past this relationship.
Which makes no sense since it wasn't really a healthy or good relationship.

How long did it take you to move on, or feel like the emotional hold was finally gone?

Thank you.

p.s. We are both in our 40's.

Dee C

I was in the same situation as you myself. He wasn't respectful of me and we were constantly on and off. Finally I had to make up my mind that there really was no future with someone like that. I cut off all contact with him. I changed my e mail address, my phone number, etc. I had to be really strong because I still had a few sentimental feelings left over, but I knew there was no future with a guy like that. Just wait a while without any contact from him and the feelings will get better over some time. It might take you a while, so give yourself as much time as you need. There's no time limit for healing yourself. If you need to go to a therapist to help then go. Do w/e you need to do to move on. Good luck to you.

The Master

I don't know but I would distance yourself from him an go out with some girlies because having fun with them will help you to get over the guy.

Spooni

It depends on you. First, lemme say that - in my personal experience, anyway - the unhealthy relationships are always the ones that are the hardest and take the longest to get over. There's no enough space to type out why that is. But that appears to be the pattern. You shouldn't date other men until you are over your last relationship, no matter how long or what kind it was. You need the time to regroup and get yourself together. You need to make sure that you have closure. That could take a couple of months or a couple of years. That part is completely up to you. You know how strong you are - or aren't. You know what it takes for you to purge and get old issues and griefs out of your system. Take YOUR time, don't rush the process, and ALWAYS be completely honest with yourself about where you stand. And don't stay in grief longer than necessary. Sometime we stay too long in a situation and completely miss that we're past it. Instead, we pile on and take on more pressing things that we don't need that keep us in a sort of bondage. You don't have to go through that. So give it some time, but not too much.

Renee G

im 35 years old and i have had relationships that were on a roller coaster ride myself the best why to get over some one is to ask god to heal your heart forgive that person and think about the things god is tring to keep u from god saved you from this person that he didnt want in your live i no it hurts because we as women are emotional creatures but u must move on beacuse god has so much in store for u you may not see it now beacuse you love him so. And before you start dating make sure you are free of your past it only makes things in your life worst

Ryde-0n

Sometimes it can take weeks, hang in there !

TRACY

I was with my ex for 6 years when we spilt, and it took about 2 and half years to feel free of the pain and frustration. It takes a while, but you will get there.. You start to relise there's live beyond your ex.. xxx.. Be strong.. @---<------

Cre8tiveOne

Well I am also in my 40s and I am still trying to get over a relationship I had back 23 yrs ago. I have been married for 20 years but still can't stop thinking about her. I know that if my wife treated me as good as she did then maybe I would have been over it years ago. I think that may be the answer. You need to find someone better who can first take your mind off of the other one, second, treat you in a way that no one else ever has so you will never have a need to think of your past lovers.

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