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Spot
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get shut of him its time to move on good luck |
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crystal@simplythebestcandles.biz
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Alcoholism is a disease. It will ruin him and it will ruin you and your children. If he is not willing to stop his illegal behaviours, you need to leave. Nothing is worth what your children will be subject to if he continues to abuse drugs and alcohol. |
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nurse ratchet
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Is this the example you want your kids to have? It's time to go, sweetie or time for him to shape up. Your children will think your life is what is normal, and it is not. Abuse is not always physical, and emotional abuse can hurt just as much, sometimes more. |
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Violet Pearl
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LOL "really wonderful guy with the best heart" who is a drug addict and a drunk.
Hello-- you married an addict, and you knew he was an addict when you married him. How much should you take? I take the zero tolerance approach when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Eventually he'll wind up in jail or dead. |
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Em x
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Abuse can take many forms - its not just physical! |
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Morley
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If I were in your shoes I would demand he get into treatment or I would be gone. You both deserve better in life. Not to mention your children.
Best of luck |
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janie rey
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if hes conciously drinking and knows that it hurst u he is conciously hurting u so he cant be that wonderful, sorry. i wouldnt take anything from him! leave him, if not for u for the safety of ur children. they probably see the way he treats u and it doesnt do them anygood |
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Neffy
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DUMP him he's no good 4 u. get a divorce.the 1st step is drinking then abuse. u choose |
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Ker Plunk
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You need to leave this man. You cannot fix this or put up with this. He is not only wrecking his life but yours too.
Save yourself now! |
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BabeHeart
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He's on a self-destructive path that could end up taking you and the kids with him. Unless he agrees to immediately begin a rehab program and leave the booze and drugs behind forever, if it were me...he'd be history. That's not an environment I'd ever live in again (I was married to an alcoholic long ago) and subjecting children to it is nothing short of abuse. |
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?
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I would leave a husband like that. Especially if I have children. Think of their future. It won't be much with a father like him around. |
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Ms. V.
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while he is gone you should move out and not tell him where you are...get a lawyer to keep him away from you and your children. My dad was a bad guy like that, and I was happy my mom got rid of him, I dont miss him at all if he was going to be like that |
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Candy
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Only you can decide when enough is enough. Think about your children, think about yourself and realize how it really makes you feel inside. Is this really how you want to continue to live? Are you really content in this marriage? Are you tired of this situation? Is it worth it to put up with it? These are the questions you need to ask yourself... once you have honestly answered these questions... your eyes will open to the truth. Don't make excuses for his behavior and please don't make excuses for yourself for staying... you know how much you can take... apply that... and do what you need to do. Good Luck. |
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Just passing the time!
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you say he's never laid a hand to you, hunny he will!, he has called you names, he has damaged your car!.....it will get worse believe me! you need to get yourself and your children out of the home straight away, move out, explain to him (in the company of someone else, don't do this on your own, he will only make you feel guilty) that you cannot live with him whilst he has this problem....if he truly wants to change and that he loves you and his children he will do what ever it takes to get you back!..don't give in to his sob stories or emotional blackmails either in effort to get you back, as i assure you he will try anything!
in the meantime you think to yourself "i don't need this, we don't deserve this"
be strong!.....my heart goes out to you and your children at this testing time x |
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Emo_Core_Rachael
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Tell him that he should get some help for his alcohol addiction, and have a long conversation about the problems and issues he may have, the roots that could be causing this. Is there a medical history in his family of alcoholics? Once you have sorted out what is causing him to drink e.g. Not happy with work, maybe he has problems with your family or you. then you can both enjoy a happy alcohol-free life together. But i do recommend that he gets help for the addiction to alcohol.
Wish you all the luck.
Rachael xx |
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Iritadragon
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People get drunk and do drugs to run away from their lives. Do you want a man that has to do this? I think that your claim that he has "the best heart" is only your wishful thinking.
Offer to go with him to Alcoholics Anonymous. Join the support group for spouses and children of alcoholics, so that you have support as well, and can be taught how best to help him quit.
Recovery has to be his decision, just like it was his decision that got him addicted to begin with.
I wish you luck. But remember, if you find out you're beating a dead horse, it is always best to just leave and begin your life anew without him dragging you and your kids through the gutter behind him. |
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Midori
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1.- You need to check on ALANON, have you heard about it?
2.- He needs to detox, and rehab, 12 steps and abstinence.
3.- You should check codependency counseling, and domestic violence counseling.
Alcoholims/drug addiction is a disease that is never cured just managed. It will never get better, it can only get worse if he doesnt look for help. You CANT help because you are part of the problem right now.
Justifying the behavior makes it worse and you are not seeing the whole picture or seeing it in perspective.
Can you imagine your future with a person like that?
Your codependency didnt start now, look back in your life. Did you have an abusive or addict parent in your childhood? those patterns are learned and now you learned to tolerate abuse and not know what are your rights and how is to be treated fairly and respected.
It is a long process that requires hard work but is not impossible. Please remember right now, it seems you are part of the problem, do not try to "HELP" on your terms , get professional help. (drug and alcohol counseling). Also any domestic violence counselor can help you understand the magnitude of this problem. |
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LyndasCa
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I was married to an alcoholic for 10 years. He was a sleeping drunk, not abusive. It gets hard on the kids, on the marriage, and on the spouse.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical. If he is not willing to seek help for this and continue with help, you need to end this marriage. It is tough to end a marriage with children but can be done. I did it 10 years ago and have made it.
I honestly hope he decides to seek help! |
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ThatGirl
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First get yourself into counseling to deal with your alcoholic husband. You are in a very scary situation. You are going to need some coping skills from a professional family therapist who can assist you with your situation. You need to be able to care for yourself and your children, first and foremost and counseling will help. His quitting for 2 1/2 months does not prove anything. He is an addict. Addicts need treatment and you will probably have to convince him of this. Are there any family members or friends you can rely on to help you in getting your husband into a treatment program? Search out your support sources and accept what help they can offer you. Friends, co-workers, community support groups are all people who would be supportive in helping your situation. So take care of you and your kids first.. then you will know how to go about getting your husband the help he needs. |
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baganta
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hi there sorry to hear about your plight, i personally don't have this experiance with my hubby but my father was/is a drinker, and has done long term damage to his own body, i used to feel sorry for him but through councelling i have learned to live my own life, i am sorry to say that your hubby may only think about drink and drugs for himself before he thinks of you and your family, (it is an illness)he can say all the right things that you want to hear, manipulation is a great tallent that they have, and we allways fall for it, they try and make you feel guilty but please if you are really unhappy, leave if you can, you can build a better life for you and your familyxx |
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David R
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NOTHING! GET OUT AND SEEK ASSISTANCE. You are only making it worse by staying there. If he is abusive, there can only be one answer - Leave everything and GET OUT. If you are not sure this is the answer, call your local police department and ask them., ask an attorney, seek counselling. DON'T WAIT, DO IT NOW! God bless you darling and the best to you |
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Beau R
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It sounds like you've taken too much already. You have to make a move now, or submit to more of the same, and it will get worse. Married two years, with two kids, and one in the oven. It sounds like you are a "baby factory". Get yourself to an attorney quick, and see what he advises. |
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Mlady
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I lived like this for 26 years. You will never change him, he has got to want to change. My ex was a great father and always provided, and because of this, he felt he never really had a problem. When things would get bad, he would promise to stop drinking, would for while and when things would calm down, back to the drinking. Somehow, he always made me feel like the crazy one. I finally had an awakening and decided to leave. One positive thing was that my kids were grown and out of the house. I think maybe that is one of the reasons why I stuck it out, but now that I look back, I probably should have left sooner. I know there were times when he compromised their safety when driving them around after drinking. I am happier now than I have been in a very long time. It was the right thing for me to do. You will know in your heart when it is time to go. Verbal abuse is still abuse.......... I wish the best for you. |
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Lynn m
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okay it seems like you two have like a co-dependent relationship and you try to justify his negative behavior for the positive that he does have but that facts are he is using illegal drugs and drinking out of control... he needs to drop all the drugs and alochol i know this becasue i used to use drugs way more and many more kinds on a daily basis and the only way for him to change is to get helpfrom N.A. and A.A. and you could check out alnon its a support group for ppl who have friends or family member with a drug problem any FYI a drug problem is a disease and his mom or dad probably used to drink and the chances of your kids doing drugs is raised so much more by him doing drugs espically if this keeps going on and they learn and realize what he is doing because by you not stopping him is saying to your kids ita okay to use drugs and what |
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Bootylicious
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wow i think its time to move on you don't want somebody like that and you said that when hes not drinking hes cool well it sounds like hes always drinking so you probably wont see him that way anytime soon sorry but i think you've taken enough its time to leave sorry (hope this helps) |
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Ann Marie
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This is hard for me to tell you what to do because you have 3 children...but I just finally left my alcoholic husband after 24 years. We had no children together. I have been kicking myself everyday for not leaving a long time ago. The mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, no difference. If he won't get help, I suggest you pick yourself up by your boot straps and gather up the kids and what little respect you have left and get out. Your children should not grow up seeing all that an alcoholic is capable of. It will only get worse..Good luck to you. |
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Weed
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You do not take ANYTHING from a Drinker, he may not have touched you yet, but there could come a day when he does, do not stick around for that, |
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just me here
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You shouldn't take anything!!!!!
An alcoholic is just that..Someone
who depends on liquor...
That's not good.
Think of what it is doing to his internal organs.
In a bit , you are going to have to be behind him
with a mop..
To hit him, NO...But to mop up his urine..
just like a baby..Your little boy!
Good Luck...... |
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CD123
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My husband had problems with drink, he would go missing every few months for days and spend all our money and drink really heavily.
his first marriage broke up, partly as a result of his behaviour.
But he sought the right help and I stuck by him and now we have 2 lovely children, and he is a changed man. He sought psychotherapy which was a cognitive approach which really helped. I found it really hard to get support myself because people have a one track mind with that sort of thing. Follow your heart, you will know the right thing to do. the kids should come first, look at it objectively, and start doing something about it. If your husbanbd wont get help or denies he has a problem then you must consider leaving him. It may be the kick up the bum he needs!!!!
But if he's willing to get help tighten the reigns and makesure he gets the help he needs.
I don't believe people like this are all bad, and the stigma attached to them makes it all the worse. Of course these are some losers out there, but you know your husband. Do what you feel is right, but dont sit back and wait for things to get better |
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shirley v
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he needs help but he wont do that until he is in the gutter if he starts to hit you then i would say walk out losing his family may bring him to see what it as cost him he may then seek the help he needs |
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Bubbles
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He has issues and doesnt want to face them - good luck remember you deserve the best at all times! |
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