How to forgive???

ladybug

Forgive???

Why are you trying to jump straight to the end of the process?

It is normal to feel sadness, anger and rage. You need to let yourself go through that as part of the healing process. You also need to rid yourself of this woman. Divorce her, it is pretty obvious she doesn't want to be with you nor does she deserve to be.

Forgiving her will come in time but you first need to forgive yourself. I suspect you are feeling guilt for asking her to leave and probably guilt for your contribution to the demise of your marriage (it always takes two to make or break a marriage). You need to forgive yourself and heal first before you can forgive her.

Focus on yourself right now

Courtney

You just need to let her go, Even if you try everything to get her back it is obvious that she doesnt want to be back with you. It takes 2 to make it work and shes not in on it. Just move on and find something that makes you happy.

awesome1239

She doesn't need to be forgiven, she needs to be forgotten. Remember: once a cheat, always a cheat.

Jacquot

Hopefully you will divorce her and either stay single or find someone who is actually worth spending time with.

free_angel

Divorce her cheating *** first and forgiveness will come later.

deefa0711

Dont forgive just move on why would you want to give the guy a beating when its your wife thats in the wrong

blueberry

forget her

Insert Original Nickname Here

You don't forgive her for that. There is no excuse for cheating. If it comes down to someone cheating in a relationship, then the relationship is over anyway. And what do you need the self help books for? She is the one in the wrong!

lasttexasknight

The other guy didn't cheat on you... she did. Divorce her and move on. There are a lot of good woman in the world.

Life ain't always easy

I would say divorce. Yes you can forgive, but she obviously has not only cheated, but continues to have no desire or respect for you or your marriage. Move on and be happy. Get into counseling and learn some good coping mechanisms to get over this relationship.

Sahara

It sounds like you need to peace and then maybe you can forgive. You can't make her love you. You need to have respect for yourself. It sounds like you should divorce her and start anew.

Kho

It's really a process of letting it go. You don't necessarily forgive and forget, but it's about letting go of your feelings of being betrayed and feelings of anger. You're really on your way - feeling anger and betrayed by her is part of the healing process. The next thing is for you to come to terms that that part of your life is over, that you need to move on with your life - surround yourself with your loyal friends and family. Go through the divorce process if that's what you've decided to do then go back to being single again. This is a growing process - you can only hope to do better next time around. This is THE lesson of forgiveness - moving on and growing emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

The One, The Only Krandazzo!

you divorce her and move on

Well la-di-da

Start with a divorce. The only friend you have now is time. With time your anger will slow down, though you have a right to be extremely pissed off. Forget about the guy....he's not the only guilty party in this...remember your wife is a grown woman and made her choice.

sassinya

It takes time, you can pray for your heart to be open to forgiveness and in the Lords timing, you will have the capacity to do it. It does not come quickly. Remember to confess your anger and hurt feelings also before you pray so that you are filled with the spirit. He'll help you through this, just pray hard and believe in his will for your life. Whenever a door closes, another opens, cursing can be turned into blessing. It's the interim part that is waiting on his deliverance (not easy) but if you have faith, you can withstand it.

God bless

â™¥Pure Evilâ™¥

Good luck w/ that! U have to have a very big heart to forgive such a thing. The hardest part about forgiving is once u do it can never be spoke of again... like tossed in her face. U are able to forgive but u are not able to forget. U have to know in ur heart that u can really get past this.

Martin P

Roy Masters is very inspirational and has written many essays concerning human behavior and Christian values. I would strongly recommend reading his article titled "Finding Forgiveness" from which I have taken the following quote.

Roy Masters states: "Permanent forgiveness requires the forgiven soul to pay its forgiveness forward, as in, "Forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us...and do to others what you would have them do unto you." At this point, perhaps you can see that the sustaining energy of unforgiving secret judgment is continuous resentment. Conversely, the forgiveness of past judgments lies only through enduring patience."

Masters has many inspirational articles that are useful in understanding today's society. The two links below will direct you to the applicable reading.

mad y

clearly she has moved on, and so should you. "only time heals a broken heart". You need to move on with your life. sounds like you are better off without her.. you deserve better. I believe there a reason things happen in life. find someone that truly loves you and cares for you.....

Crossroads Keeper

I am a Christian to. You can forgive her w/o being a fool. She has cheated on you twice. It's time to part ways And that's for your sanity. You can still be her friend witout being married. However; if you really want to still be with her the only suggestion I have is intense marriage counseling.

Haley S

Write down all the things she has done on little scraps of paper. Each offense on a separate sheet. Take your time and read each one. After reading them and perhaps shedding a few tears, tear each on in half and put them one at a time into a small card board box that you don't mind burning in the back yard. It really helps.

Dog Rescuer

Divorce the woman she hasn't been married to you for a long time.....

In the Christian belief you are NOT supposed to stay with a person who does not want to be with you... and make your self her doormat...YOUR wife has shown this...

YOU are FREE to go on with your life..without this woman...

. Find a good attorney and move on and enjoy dating.....

Get a copy of Dr Phil's "Love smart" so you learn how to attract healthy women you do NOT have to be a victim to....

Good luck

ghostwalker077

well you ask how to for give,, an it not as easy as that, if you read the ood book, it said, to for give is to for get about it,, but if you bring your self down to this level, you not better than them,, yes i know it hurt to be , push to one side, an being married to her an she doing this is wrong,

koeliebabe

I feel for you really i do but remember you are a child of God and only he know's what you want, and i know it hurts to loose someone you love and trust but remember what you want is not always what u need, Forgive her cause if you don't forgive her how could God forgive you, You don't have to take her back but forgive her and mean it, Just hold on to God your pain will go away, Remember God never fails to grant our petitions, so focus on him without doubting or murmuring and know that today's thorn is tomorrow's flower.

Hope this help Good luck,
You will be blessed with someone that will appreciate you.

justagrandma

By divorcing her, you asked her to leave for a reason, shes done with you. She doesn't want you back.
You may be married but in her book shes not.
Don't bother beating the BFs @ss, she'd just find another one.
Mourn your marriage as you must, but end it and find someone who is more in line with your thinking.
You will be happier in the long run.
You can only forgive by letting go.

keezymama

You ask God for guidance, strength and direction. And pending any any other direct message from God you. Means while I would suggest you get Beth Moore's Book "Get out of that Pit" read it and implement its suggestions.
And pending any any other direction from God You structure your life as if the relationship is over and move on . You get an attorney and start divorce procedures.

dlee_75

From a religious stand point you are justified in a divorce from this women. I understand what you are going through. I just found out my wife met someone on the net and had and short affair with him. I am crushed. But, I made up my mind to forgive her. She is missing something and I am missing something. We are now talking through our problems but I did not have her leave. She thought that was the only way but I assured her it was not. It has been hard for me to deal with this. But we are working it out. I would say that 9 months and she is still seeing other men it is over man and you need to move on. Sorry, not sure that it is possible for you to salvage the marrage. if she has no want to then you wanting is only one person you are not going to be able to work it out.

Boy, did you touch on a subject that I need help with. I have been betrayed before, in so many different areas of my life. It does hurt. Especially when you are always trying to do the righ thing. Forgiveness is not an overnight thing. It is a process. People do a lot of lying. It's natural to not want to forgive when you feel you have been wronged. You JUST have to be willing to WANT to forgive. And forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Honestly, it is still a struggle with me. But, what I have been doing is praying and asking the Lord to help me. And, he has been faithful. Just be willing to WANT to forgive and keep praying and it will get easier and easier. Read Psalms 37 everyday. Your wife and lovers can't understand what they are doing. You can't take fire in your bosom and not get burned. She and they have a BIG price to pay. You can still divorce your wife and forgive. Remember if we don't forgive, Christ won't forgive us. And, none of us can afford that. I suggest counseling for you with your Pastor. You're in my prayers! I know it can't be easy.

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You forgive by putting things into prospective as a Christian.
The Bible says we are to forgive as the Father forgives us. How can we hate our brother who we see everyday and say that we love God?
Look to the scriptures for strength.
Know that her sin in not against you but God. Her actions maybe affecting you, but the devil is playing her right now. This fight is between her, God,and the devil. She is being used as a pawn by satan to make God angry. satan is using her to hurt God and you are being hurt in the process. Her cheating has nothing to do with how she feels about you, but how satan has influenced her to be selfish and ugly towards God. Once you see the situation in this light,you can start to let go of some of your feelings because you realize that it's not about you. You concentrate on helping her be strong enough to resist the devil's call in her life. Then you will begin to see the love of Christ and receive the peace that passes all understanding.
To a non-christian, my words are going to seem stupid and lame, but to someone who is really serious about walking faithfully as a child of God, your soul will be encouraged and you draw the strength you need to get thru this. I know because I have been there.

Kash

I think it's time to move on. You should divorce her because it's clear she is an adulterous woman. Let's say she comes back to you...Do you really think that will make you happy. You will never trust her because of all the cheating she did to you before. Trust me you are better off in the long run to move on. I would just pray to lord and praise him, and know that he has a better plan for you. You just can't see that right now.

moe

you know as a christian that you must forgive her but that doesnt mean that you have to have her back . sounds to me this woman has a problem and she has cheated on you so therefore you dont have to stay married to her if you dont want and even if you want that doesnt mean that you should.and it doesnt mean she wants you back either i know this hurts but i think maybe you should move on and let her do whatever it is that shes gonna do without you as her safty net.

incognito

You both need to move on, If you have been seperated for 9 months, What do you expect from her? Why are you not divorced yet? Nine months is a long time. I'm sorry that you feel this way, but come on, Christian or not, Why is it his fault? She's out there now, get it legalized and get out there too!

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