How to motivate my husband?

I am 24 years old and currently in graduate school. I married my husband when I was 21 years old. No kids yet. We went to the same college for undergraduate studies. Then I went straight to grad school, and he worked for a year before he decided to pursuit a master degree. He was interested in a different field from his undergraduate major. He got "conditional accepted" to a graduate program this spring semester. He needs to get good grades to be able to continue his graduate studies. But to me, it seems like he is not working hard at all. He watches TV, plays video games, anything but study.He procrastinates his work till the last minute. He had already failed two of the exams this semester, and he really needs to do well on the final to stay in the program.

I am REALLY worried. I have been trying to talk to him nicely, asking if he needs any help, if he wants to go to the library with me to study together, etc. He always says no. Yes, you may say if he doesn't want it then he should just get a job. But seriously, in his field, without a master degree, you are nothing and can't find a decent job at all.

How can I motivate him without hurting his pride? I am so worried and stressed out that I can't sleep well at night. Any advice will be appreciated.

seattleman

He is messed up. What you describe is a symptom of an underlying problem. He knows better than anyone that he is procrastinating and that eventually he will self-destruct. He is feeling the anxiety and depression and has become a video junkie to distract himself from fear and failure.

He doesn't have the motivation or discipline for school. Maybe he should go back to work where he will have a sense of purpose and contribution, which will inspire confidence and self-worth. Money and career is nothing if your not happy. He needs to find his zone if he is going to be a good partner. It is a mistake to judge. I take exception to the thought that "you are nothing and can't find a decent job". My highest paying job, was my least favorite!

You'll have to decide if you can live with a man who may view his definition of happiness differently than you. Is he prepared to get honest and real with you? Can you share independent goals in a manner that inspires mutual respect, interest and passion for each other? If so, great. If not, great that you don't have kids.

Cherri

It sounds like you are doing all that you can to help him without hurting his feelings. At this point......you will just have to let him keep making the big mistake that he is making. Maybe he will wake up soon and realize what he is doing. Pray

Shannon

He needs a kick in the *** but it can't come from you.
I think you should tell him how much anxiety this is causing you and how worried you are about your future together.

...
What are you going to do when your wife gets pregnant?
Take care of business first then waste your life on inane games.
The more time you sink into playing them now the more you will regret blowing the prime of your life on complete BS.
Take care of business, spend time with your wife, then play games (if there's time left.)

Get your **** together before your wife freaks and leaves you.
Yes she will; she needs to be married to a man not a delayed adolescent with no sense of priority; the anxiety she feels will ruin her love for you.

One of your most important roles is to be the provider when the time comes so she can be a mother. If you can't do that, it doesn't matter what else you have going for you in the relationship.

Take care of your wife or someone else will.

Janet W

Sometimes when people are depressed or overwhelmed they retreat into a safe zone, which would be playing games and no stress. He has some deeper issues than lack of motivation. Maybe you can suggest that the two of you go out for a nice dinner and maybe talk about the future and what you both expect from it and how to arrive there.

atherton_lover

You were young and made a mistake. I was their before and was afraid as well but best thing to solve the problem is get a divorce

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