How to receive closure from abusive relationship?

I was in a terrible abusive relationship 4 years ago. I dated the guy for a little over a year [looking back at it, i realize that it was partially my fault for letting it happen.] he broke my collar bone, several of my fingers, & would punch me anywhere besides my face because i had to work & he didn't want people asking questions. this happened 4 years ago, i am happily married, i have a wonderful son. i no longer have contact with this person, i don't even live in the same city. however, i can not let it go. i think about it often, & it only makes me stew in this hatred. I want him to suffer as bad as i did as immature as that sounds. i hate him for what he did to me, & yet he is in some disgusting way apart of me. he brought me down to my lowest point in life, stripped me from my friends, family, & happiness.
my question is, if anyone has gone through a similar experience, how did you forgive & forget? how did you move on with your life & not think about the past?

TrustingT

I left my abuser 3 years ago. I feel the same way you do...that it was my fault for allowing him to come into my home and my life. My abuse began as verbal and as it began progressing into the physical, I finally became scared for my life and left everything - my job, my home, my city, everything I owned. I was engaged to him and was supposed to be married in 2008. I know it will be something that I will never forget because at times I felt he robbed me of my peace, my life, my future...but I look at it as a blessing. I am someone who can relate to other women who have been through or are going through abuse and try to offer comfort and guidance. I can recognize abusive tendencies in men so therefore I won't be subjected to abuse again. I can no longer tolerate it in my life or anyone else's and vow to be an advocate against domestic violence. I am, just like you, a living example of God's love because we both survived it. Don't believe this man will go through life unscathed from his wrongdoing. Just like you were abused for accepting it...he too will suffer in some way. Vengeance is mine says the Lord...believe that.
When I left my hometown, I've lived with relatives in another state, Europe and the Pacific. I've seen places I probably would never have seen. Just like you married a better man who you may not have met if you had not gone through your experience. Yes, we do make dumb and selfish choices that may put us in situations that are not healthy or productive, but God will never forsake us even in the midst of our own ignorance. So, no, don't forget....just forgive and be thankful it's over. Stay strong, faithful and grateful.

This happened to me (not the same details). I only got closure by forgiving him, impossible as that sounds. Not forgiving keeps YOU tied to him. You don't have to go tell him unless you want to, but in your heart, you have to in order to move on. I speak from experience.

Beth

I pressed charges and knew he got the punishment he deserved in the proper legal way.

Piglet

This is real life, there is no such thing as closure IRL.

WÎ˜MBAT is Sparky

I call tell you right now not to waste your breath.

You go to him looking for "closure", and he'll see a golden opportunity to manipulate and humiliate you once again. Might as well paint a target on your forehead that says "take advantage of my insecurity, please......" This is probably all you'll get from him. Why would an abuser have any interest in providing satisfaction for his victim? What exactly do you expect him to tell you? That it was all a big mistake? That he's truly remorseful and wants to beg your forgiveness? That he thinks you did the right thing by leaving his ***?

Secure people have no need for "closure" from violent criminals.

What is the statute of limitations in your area for domestic assault? Do you have any documentation of the injuries you received. Hospital records? Police reports? Photos? Emails or letters to friends and family? If so, I'd say talk to a lawyer, then press charges. The only closure you need from this man is the police kind, so he doesn't find another unsuspecting woman to victimize.

Not My Real Name or Face

There is a video that may help you that pertains to the subject of abuse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

Marilyn

pastor, bible, God based church

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