How to stop and start???????

I need advice on how to start trusting my husband...

He is a very good man, we had a few problems in the past where he was talking to other girls while being with me, texting and going out too, we separated and after a while we got back together that stopped and we began a new phase on our lives, like a month ago he went out to a happy hour and on the call log i noticed that he had called female 2ce on his way home i confronted him with it and he said he mistakenly dialed her number but the next day he change the password and put the bill as paperless.....i cant stop thinking about it now, i have started to feel i dont trust him again, i feel deep inside he is texting and talking to other people, he erases all the messages from his phone and his call logs, he only leaves the family calls and family texts, maybe not seeing them cause he comes straight from work to the house but something tells me he is up to something.

I am not usually paranoid or looking for things to fight about, but this time around something feels different.

I have asked him in the past if he is cheating and he said no, that he is with me and only me, that he loves me and only me, but today i feel something is off........

I want to feel free of all this feelings, i want to enjoy my life and not think about this, i dont feel i could ever trust him, is hard to know your husband cheated on you right under your nose and that now the only thing that would keep me calmed it was the bill and i dont even have that......any advice???????

Missy

Ok, i've been there before too. First, you have to make it really loud and clear, that if you want him to trust you - then why is hiding it and erasing it now. It's so obvious he is talking to other girls - and they might be innocent friendships, co-workers, whatever. But then if it is, he should have nothing to hide.

Second, do you have guy friends? If so, then you should talk to them in front of your husband like it's not big deal. Live by example, and show him that you arent' mad at the fact that he "talks to girls", but that he is disrespecting you when he hides it. If you don't have any guy friends - then find some. See how he likes it and still call them in front of him and see how he reacts.

He might feel a little of what you feel and not like it. Either way, you need to let him that you don't like how his behavior is making you feel. Make sure you emphasis that you arent' upset about the fact they are other girls - just that he's keeping you outa the loop and using extreme measures to hide and keep you for being in his business. Remind him that his is married and that he cheated once before so he should be able to open his world up to you and prove nothing is going on. Allow you to see the texts, the bill, the log - whether online or paper.

If he can't do that, then you got a bigger problem - he's up to something for sure.

Satriani

I'm against divorce.But this has cheating written all over it.Alll ovvverr ittt.Confronting is something you have done already so now you and a friend should just tail him without being seen and watch him interact with women.Don't jump to conculsions right off.Just watch for awhile. when you see touching kissing and so forth then just hold off and then go for it..Cause if you go right into it...you will feel like a fool.Remember cell phones are good for something.Trust issues are hard to overcome.But better to find out and let go or just waste your life wondering where your marriage stands.

Bill C

It sounds like he's up to his old tricks and has incorporated a few new ones as well. It's my sense from what you said that he is cheating again, or soon will be.

honeybee72781

To all the people telling you to leave it alone or you'll push him away have obviously never been in the situation where they were betrayed. Go back to the website and click on "forgot password" or call the company if you're also on the account. He is definitely hiding something. and if he gets p*ssed at you for looking at the website just tell him if he really has nothing to hide, then he shouldn't care if you look at it. He changed the password and went paperless for a reason, time for you to wake up! There are better men out there that will want you and only you...go find them!

Tilley

He is hiding something, betcha Men don't change...

willn2pleaze

he need to earn your trust, but you must give him the opportunity to earn your trust as well. by you looking through his stuff will not help you or the situation. if you forgave him and you want to make it work, you must give him a chance. if he is doing anything you should give he time to stop on his own, if he really wants to be with you. if he is not doing anything you might be pushing him that why by spying on him.

P1 Rubber Ducky

ok if these women he is talking to are "just friends" why the need to delete his call log and change the password for the phone bill is what i don't get.

i realize that my husband is going to and does have female friends and im fine with that but if it got to the point where he was hiding things like that then thats when i would get suspecious as well

plain and simple tell him that he has NOT earned your complete trust from the last time he was having indiscresions with other women. he stills needs to be completely OPEN and HONEST with you about who he is talking to, texting, emailing ect.

if he is noting WILLING to comply then it is going to come at the price of losing you as a wife. end of story!

Elyse

ok first off, don't listen to any of these MEN who's answered!! Because they're only gonna side with your husband!! (except for the one that said 'trust is earned'!!) and second, i personally don't believe in divorce! however, if he has already betrayed your vows and broke that commitment he made to be TRUE to you in the eyes of God, then the only thing you can really do is follow your heart!! (he obviously has)
my husbands too lazy to cheat on me so i don't really know what to say! except do what you think is right!! if you are unhappy then you need to think of seriously leaving him! but if you think you can salvage your marriage and actually trust him again, then go for it!! talk to him and see what he wants to do! but be sure he understands he can be totally honest with you!!
but most of all, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!

Jaded

Trust your God given 6th sense of intuition. I went through the SAME thing with my (ex) husband..I couldnt take it anymore, I was tired of feeling the way you do, I wasnt happy and didnt want to be in a marriage where I was unhappy and untrusting forever. It ridiculous to put up with it.. It will never go away if he doesnt start making you feel more reassured and trying to earn your trust back. Looks like he is making no effort. He is hiding something. He is lying to you and himself.

AKAO4D

Go on with your life or get a life of your own. You are not living if you are chasing up and investigating your husband's every move or tracking his every call. In order for a marriage to survive, you must have trust. Without it, you have nothing.

Good luck on your journey...

Jc J

why don't you just put a plastic bag over his head and sufficate him that way??

He's a man?? What he can't even talk to another female on this planet?? there are over 2 billion women on this earth..... you women are amazing... think about it.

jerseygal

I think you already know the answer to all the questions that you've had. There is a reason why you check his phone logs and bills. You don't trust him because he is a cheat, and will probably always be one. He appears to be finding his happiness on the outside, maybe you need to let him go and find your own. I've been there, it never changes, it only gets worse.

Rachel

I think that your husband is related to mine. I have the exact same problem and am still trying to deal with trust issues and it has been nearly a year. I do hope that you can resolve this because I know what you are going through. I can't give any advice, sorry because I am coping really badly with this myself.

Sue B

Men who lie about it and also in denial of their lies. Only the ones who Truly have the "balls" will tell you the truth and they'll be men enough to pack and leave.

Trust is earned. Doesn't sound like he has done anything to earn it yet.

Polski

Trust is earned.

iluvmyman

If you have to ask you already know...From my own experience with my ex-husband is where I get my knowledge. These type of men think they are so slick and original and don't think you are smart enough to figure them out. Also, they don't respect their wives or truly love them. You need to ask yourself if you really want to be constantly paranoid or better yet in denial and miserable for the rest of this marriage. My point here is you don't let someone call the shots in your life if they are constantly hurting you, deceiving you and disrespecting you. You wouldn't treat him this way so why are you letting him treat you like this....

deepthi

Hi, even I am in the same phase of life as you.... no clue what to do.... he has said it clearly that he hates to be watched and controlled.... looks like there are no doors open for me since I dont even want to divorce him

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