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SuzyQ
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Gee, maybe it isn't you. If he doesn't respect you, be glad he's gone and get going with the divorce. I wouldn't waste my time. |
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ღ♥Jess♥ღ
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It's not your fault what other people choose to say or do. I'd be thinking about where to move to, instead of getting back with him. |
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Sandy Ego
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"we're seperated cause hes agressive and tempermental"
You are separated because he is aggressive and temperamental... He is being aggressive and temperamental... Why in heck are you so surprised? This is who he is; why do you assume that "working on it" necessarily means "him changing"? It could also involve *you changing*, and accepting that some things will remain the same no matter what. Think about it. This is a perfect opportunity for you to evaluate the situation and decide if his behavior is something you are willing to tolerate. If not - make the separation permanent and file for divorce.
P.S. You went wrong in 1) choosing a person who disrespects you; 2) tolerating it for two long and 3) expecting things to magically change. Your relationships are in your hands. It's your responsibility to choose a person who is a suitable companion for you. You're not going to be compatible with every person you meet, and you need to learn to recognize what is important in a relationship to you personally. Learn where your boundaries are. |
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nightyzz
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be careful listening to what other people are saying! sometimes they have ulterior motives, if you really want to work it out with him you should go to him and ask if he really even said those things. good luck to you, too many people run when things get tough |
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mohr696
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dump the loser. find a better one
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Spiny Norman
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He sounds a rather nasty person. |
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cryo2k
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He sounds a little controlling, watch the bank accounts and don't let him walk on you! |
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United I Stand Alone
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he's just being immature, maybe it should be permanent. |
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Le_Roche
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Where you went wrong is caring about what your estranged husband thinks and getting second hand information from a third party.
If you're not going to reconcile with your husband and he has not made a real effort to mend your marriage, call a lawyer and just end it. Why should it matter that he called you his property? You're separated. |
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Melody
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Sounds like he's trying to salvage his damaged ego by acting "macho" in front of your mutual friend. I would never go back to a man who talked that way about me. |
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xyne_love
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i think you should think twice about getting back with him...ask yourself if he is worth your respect. a real man will never back stab a woman he respects and loves... |
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Love To Love
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You didn't do anything THAT wrong I'm sure. I think you need to leave him for good. It's sounding a bit psychotic on his part for sure and he sounds like he is losing control over u - ppl usually talk that way when they can't control u... leave him for good! |
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Vanity Affaire
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I would ask him for the truth because even though they are mutual friends, you really don't know who's side they are on and they may just be trying to add more fuel to the fire. I'm just very mistrusting of people and their intentions and I'd go right to the person. Now he can lie to you, but you're able to look him in the eye and really ask him and people's eyes never lie. Discuss with him how he feels about you and the relationship and if he really does want to work things out. If he's aggressive and temperamental, he could have very well have said those things in a rage, but if he has these temper issues, I think you two need to do more then reconcile, I think he might need to go to counseling before you guys talk about getting back together.
Good luck. |
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LindaLoo
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Where have YOU gone wrong? Oh no... this is not YOU this is quite clearly and obviously HIM. He has a problem and if I had to guess I would say he might be at the very least a control freak and at worst an abuser or on the way to being one.
So where you went wrong is in getting involved with him and marrying him. He is WAY off base and outta line and you need to LEAVE while you still can and before this becomes far far worse. NO MAN owns a woman and no decent respectable man or husband would ever disrespect his wife in such a manner. YOU need to gather some personal strength and self respect and realize you deserve better than this and a life with someone like him is NOT what you deserve or want. |
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Sandries
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hm.. well i would be hella mad and i would tell him something about it too!! he shouldnt be saying that.. but then again you guys are separated it shouldnt bother you. if he really wanted to get back with you he wouldnt say anything like that. |
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loki
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First of all you need to asses whether your mutual friend is getting involved unnecessarily...
Things can't be great for you at the moment but you need to concentrate on yourself for a while instead of worrying about how you may or may not have upset your aggressive husband... Let him get on with his life for a bit and you with yours.. Don't spend your time constantly talking about him and worrying.. Find yourself some new friends and activities and take control of your life... |
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penelope
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Many spouses who are separated bad mouth the other behind their backs, especially men who are talking around other men, chalk it up to his ego talking, he may feel threatened by the fact that you are not together and wants to make himself appear that he is the man. I really wouldn't take this to serious, I have no doubt that it came as a surprise to you, and it may have made you question his feelings for you, but as I stated before, I think he said it more for appearance reasons versus lack of respect for you, you know him better then anyone else, so therefore it is your opinion about his hurtful words that are important. |
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Ellie
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Men, or women, who are agressive and abusive never change so if i were you i would cut my losses this time and take some 'me time'. Get to know yourself all over again and then next time you will be better placed to find someone more mature and more caring. Good Luck.x |
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dumplin
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Don't believe everything you hear, this mutual "friend" could just be stirring it. Maybe (if female) she has her sights set on hubby. Be very careful hun. |
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Luv_my-hubby1
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You heard this thru mutual friends. Have you ever heard him say this? I am not saying he didn't say it but maybe these mutual friends are really on his sid. Try counseling |
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minska89
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I agree with Cheyenne second hand info isnt always 100% even if it comes from a trustworthy source. My advice is that there is nothing you can do to change this man, he is this way because of his own issues. You have supported and loved him. I know that it takes two to tango but you have to love something more than him.......YOU. Your heart is the most important thing here. If he is in fact callous and disrespectful, i recommend that you see a counsellor and try and move on with as little upset as possible. We all reach these situations in one way or another it is the way life goes. You are not alone. Please speak to your trustworthy friends and family. I hope things work our for you. Good luck...xx |
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Stacy R
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Always be careful about information you get second hand. It may just be your friends interpretation of what he said. I try to be very cautious myself about what motivates a third party to tell you things that were probably told to them in confidence anyway. What is the advantage of your husband having told this person that?
Also, keep in mind that he's probably hurting due to the separation and may have said something that he didn't really mean....he was just upset when he said it.
Only you know whether your marriage is worth saving or not. Please think long and hard about it all before giving up something you thought would last for the rest of your life. You did agree to "for better or for worse" so don't do anything you may regret later. |
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queenb357
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I don't think the problem lies with you - it's his problem. He is doing this to try to put other men off even talking to you, so that he can get back with you and possibly continue the abuse - he may also be hurt at the separation, and this may be his way of letting his feelings out.
Sounds like you've done the right thing in separating from him given his aggression - this often turns to violence if you allow it to, so well done to you for getting out!!
Don't feel upset or angry with him, and don't allow him back into your life - he needs to get help for his aggression first.
Don't allow yourself to become a recluse, as he'll have won - keep positive and keep on going out and about, and he may well come to realise what he's missing, especially if he sees you're enjoying your life without him!!
Hope all goes well for you - remember, you deserve more than his aggression and bad behaviour!!
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SpikeyJo
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First of all i would not believe a `friend` if they told me my husband had said these things, I would ask my husband before taking any actions. Also I would discourage my friends talking about my husband in this way, it serves no purpose, unless they are encouraging you to leave your husband and divorce.
If you have left him because you are afraid of him and what he might do to you, then this is different. I would suggest you ask yourself if you love him enough to support your husband trough his anger management or not. That is your answer. |
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E&L
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Your husband, who you are separated from currently, you claim is aggressive and temperamental. So when he IS aggressive and temperamental, he does it with a nice, polite attitude??? I seriously doubt that. It seems like your friend got a taste of what this man is truly like and it seemed a bit aggressive and temperamental to me. He just did not have the guts to hall of and hit the guy.
How is the way he spoke with your friend any different from the way he spoke to you before you packed a bag and finally moved out. Probably the same. You should not only worry about his temper and disrespect, but also his aggression and temperament. You've got bigger things to worry about than him talking about you behind your back. |
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dicovi
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Now that are seperated do not worry about what he says and what he does just forget about him and get on with your life. |
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Cheyenne
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Don't believe all 2nd hand news. Only YOU can talk with him and see if this is something that you want to pursue. If he really did say that, he can go rot in a sack. |
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Sandra b
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Talk to him directly about this.There is a lot @ stake here and you need to know the truth. 2nd and 3rd hand info is dangerous. Speak to your friend again to make sure it's true then Confront him. He will either deny it and sulk off. He may react angrily. Either way you must let him know that you have earned his respect and talking like this is not on. If he gets angry refuse to speak to him until he is calm. stand your ground. He needs to learn to respect you. He will know deep down that he has to change. You can get him info on anger management and counselling but it's his responsibility to take control and do something about it. Sorry. be firm. |
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Pinolera
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Be careful of the "he said, she said" situation. You don't know for a fact that your husband said this about you. Is this a friend you can truly trust his or her word for? |
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mags
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Hi Em
I wouldn't View this separation as temporary, I would run and keep running. He is immature and is putting on a front for his mates, he is a sad, nasty and controlling individual. People like him don't change, its their way, or no way! You seem to have the same traits as myself as I used to be married to a man like him and after giving him so many chances and they promise that they will change, maybe they do for a week of two but then they are back to their old controlling, nasty
ways. At the end of the day Em its up to you its yrs marriage and only u knows how it feels to be without him but really do think about this as this is going to be yr future, and is this really how u want to spend the rest of your life????
I sincerely wish u all the best for the future and with yr decision
All my luv Magsxxxx |
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mom-4
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you just said your separated cause hes aggressive so are you that shocked that he would say that! Hes upset that your separated so hes venting |
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