How would you feel if your husband treated you like this? Should I just move on?

My husband and I separated back in December 2007 due to his cheating on me, domestic violence and his refusal to help me financially even though we are husband and wife. We had been trying since April 2008 to reconcile the marriage. But to our avail nothing positive has resulted.

On September 15, 2008 we decided to try again mainly because I am on the verge of bankruptcy...trying to pay all the bills myself, take care of 2 small babies (7 months and 23 months), pay for two cars (I have one and I got one in my name for my husband...we broke up after two weeks of him having the car and he gave that car back to me and got him another one...which left me with the unwanted car), loans and credit cards (all used to make ends meet while he was living in the home and away from it).

We decided to get back together to help me and the kids for financial reasons....which meant that I would allow him to stay in our home, feed him, allow him to sleep in our beds, take showers and pretty much do what he would normally do if he was there living as a husband. I got paid last week and loaned him $25 and he repaid me when he got paid...plus he gave me an extra $15. He called that helping out...

Then last night, he got paid again. He staged an argument (he said he was going to the teller machine to get money, took our oldest son and stayed gone 3 hours. I went looking for him and he got mad. I don't trust him basically because he is has PROVEN himself to be irresponsible). He got upset and packed his bag and left. He said things are not going to work out. He refused to give me any money and he walked out. I had been allowing him to stay there because the agreement was that he would help me financially.

Would you allow him back into your life? I feel like he used me until he got on his feet.

lifesups&downs

HELL NO don't let him back in. He is controlling and a user. He is only using you and when you stick up for yourself he picks a fight with you because he knows your right! Claim bankruptcy - it's not that bad! I did. I was in a situation like yours but with one kid. I had the truck in his name and my car too. I told the bank to come get it becasue I wasn't able to pay for it. You get to keep a car in bankruptcy. I was approved for a credit card right before my b/k and it was never part of the b/k paperwork so I actually had a card to use. You'll still get offers just at a higher rate. You can get your credit back up there in no time! I get offers all the time. You'll be fine and you know how he should treat you and you know he isn't doing that - lose this looser and take care of you and your kids. He'll always be a looser! He won't change - especially if he still acts this way and he's a father. He also knows he can use you and so he keeps working you! Don't fall for his words - they are only words and you know it! Good luck girl.

Seriously?

Really - you got back together? Seriously, you could have sold one of the cars/house/belongings to make ends meet. You really aren't thinking are you? Domestic violence and you took him back? Come on girl - pick yourself up and move on - you deserve it for yourself and owe it to the kids...Good luck!

inoffensive nickname

Divorcing him will force him to take more financial responsibility for his children, and also get you out of a bad situation. He will have to pay child support.

Gary B

Haven't you already given up enough?

Your first mistake was NOT filing for a Legal Separation. When you do that, the court sets up child support payments, car payments,and possibly alimony. This makes all this "helping you out" legal.

And you continue that way until you agree to get back together or agree to divorce.

In the case of a divorce, most of the time the separation agreement just "moves" into the divorce, because it is usually the same arrangements.

But he's definitely taking you for a ride, because you are letting him do it. Stand up for yourself, and do not accept this from him any longer. Sounds like at this time you need to file for divorce. SO DO IT. Get a lawyer so that you you get "maximum coverage" and get this thing straightened out.

sisternvirginia

Why hasn't he been paying you child support. You can get this during a separation.
No I wouldn't take him back, but I wouldn't have went out looking for him either.

shasha

no i wouldn't. all of this back and forth is a lot of stress on you and also on the kids. kick him out for good. get a lawyer and get a divorce. take him for alimony and child support. he decided to have the kids with you now he has to be a man and support them good luck he sounds like a scum bag!

Rachel

I would never let him back into my life. He was using you. It seems to me like he just doesn't care about your relationship.

jimsmontecarlo

he hit you once hes going to hit again, he cheated on you once he is going to cheat on you again.

Kelly

heck no.... be glad he is gone.. i would rather file bankruptcy than to put up with that kind of crap.... you need to move on and find you a better man who can take care of you and the kids... you should not be taking care of him.

I'm a guy and I could never treat my wife like that, even if I didn't love her any more. That's cruel. No I wouldn't take him back - he's scum.

just_c0wb0y

ive been there before , things will get better , and no i most certainly would not let him back in my life if i were you

gizmo

absolutely not . what happened to men taking care of there women and children.if you want to work and help out ,that great but he should be the sole provider and not take money from your children .you have 2 kids to support not3

Obama/Biden'08

No way. You don't need a man to help you, specially if he's no good. He seems like another problem that needs to be taken care of, and the way to do it is to kick him out and keep him out.

Angie

Girl, Please know that you are worth more then that. I know sometimes us as women feel like the best we can do is what we have but that is a big NO. Listen I know you love him but you have put more then your part, so just leave him alone and focus on how to make you and your babies happy and you don't need a man to do that. Who knows maybe later you will find someone to love you for you but please no need to settle for less ever. I hope you take my advise and know that God Never gives us more then what we can handle. Good Luck

jamaica1_9

You should let this go and fast. He is not worth it. She seems like he is using you and is getting away with it because you allow it. You should not have to pay all of these bills by yourself. I would take him to court and force him to pay for the two kids he helped create. You are basically a single mom and it's not fair for you to have to struggle every single day to make ends meet. Hopefully your kids have health care as well.
If you decide to file the paperwork in court, he will more than likely try to convince you not to, but don't back down because he will get over on you again. Unfortunately he tried to bring the kids in by saying he would stay to help out but you can see where his head was.
Good luck to you and your kids and I hope everything works out. Oh and by the way, file for divorce too! If you can prove he was cheating, you may be able to receive some type of compensation depending on your state.

anzanita

you should file for a divorce.
a husband that treats you like that is not someone worth staying for
file for a divorce and fight to get financial aid even if just for the kids
i suggest selling your other car...for the price it would take to take over the payment or bring it back to the dealer.
you shouldn't have to tolerate someone who can't even respect you and help you out. he should be helping you with the bills and all.
plus, when he was living at home with you...wasn't he supposed to help pay for the bills in the 1st place?

drama_momma

i say NO! try to sell the car......... or just give it up. go to a credit management company to help you resolve your bill and debt. they will really help you, trust me. one visit i am sure they can tell you how much they can help you. ok?
take his *** to court for child support. get rid of him
i wish you a better life. your not alone

bobohead

Get a lawyer, file divorce and get him to pay child support.

:-)

I second that...NO

sgeorges13

No.

Rachel The Hippie

You do not deserve that. He is being self centered and plain irresponsible. Sound like your tight on money but you need to get him legally bound to pay you child support.

Girl1234

No..... sounds like its time for a divorce.

Juggman

I got all the way to "domestic violence." You can do better. You should do better.

Helene

NO, let him go. He totally did use you for a place to stay and someone to feed him.
Sell one of the cars. File for divorce and child support. If he not going to give you money for child support now, the court may ask him to back support when the ruling is final. I would talk to the government assistant agencies to see if they can help for the time being.

Seth..

I read as far as "cheating and domestic violence" and didn't need to read another word, move on, if a man doesnt treat you how he'd like his mother or sister to be treated then stay clear of him.

Christy B

It sounds like you didn't let him back into your life because you loved him and wanted to be a couple but you did it because if the financial situation. Is that any reason to be with someone.

There is help for you out there. Don't think that he is your only means of survival. Domestic violence and emotional abuse are not the things your children need to see.

the local family and children's services office should be able to help you.
also domestic violence shelters often have lawyers who work pro-bono for you because of the domestic violence. Call 1-800-33-HAVEN and they can give you information on resources to help you out.

msverychocolate

HE IS SUCH A LOSER, WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMONE LIKE THIS AROUND YOU AND YOUR KIDS, HE'S A CHEATER, LIAR AND A MOOCHER. YOU NEED TO DIVORCE HIS SORRY A**** IMMEDIATELY AND TAKE EVERYTHING BUT HIS STINKING DRAWERS, PUT HIS BEHIND ON CHILD SUPPORT AND NEVER LOOK BACK. YOU CAN DO BAD BY YOURSELF, YOU DON'T NEED HIS PITY HANDOUTS, $15 CAN'T EVEN BUY 1 T-BONE STEAK IN TODAYS ECONOMY, SO HOW IS HE "HELPING YOU OUT"? GET REAL. HE DOES THIS BECAUSE YOU LET HIM, YOU BETTER WAKE UP AND SMELL THE GABONZA BEANS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TWO KIDS TO SUPPORT AND HIS SORRY A*** DON'T EVEN CARE WHERE THEIR NEXT MEAL COMES FROM!!

GOOD LUCK!

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