How would you react if your husband said this to you?

am_i_helpful

I'm not a soccer mom, but from a guys point of view, I would wait for a time after he has calmed down, and say to him, "It really hurt me when you said xyz, because I feel like I do a lot around here." Do it soon, so he remembers what he said. Believe me, guys forget in a few days.

He was probably stressed out and just snapped. If it's his MO to constantly criticize you and point out your flaws, then that's a different story. But a one time outburst? I would let it slide.

Hopefully by addressing it when he is calm and you can talk about it, you will clear things up and get a better appreciation of why he said what he did. Good luck.

BarbieGurl

i am mean and probably would have told him that was a great thing, because he'd need to find one of those other moms soon.

and then I would quit doing his laundry, his ironing, picking up after him, cooking his meals, etc. Until I had clearly made my point and he apologized.

Then again, if he DOES help around the house, this would not be a good move. But, I would have had some catty comment, I'm sure.

ladywildfireok

I would tell him sweetly, that since it is important to him to have a spotless house, next week you will hire a housekeeper. Tell him it is more important to you that the children are raised and the business is run correctly. Don't argue with him, just state the fact that you will hire a cleaner.

cowboys21angel

For better or for worse marriage is a commitment for the long haul (or should be). This is when you get up, grab the broom, the vacuum and a dust rag and then...you hand them all to him and say "why can't you keep this house clean, there are a lot of working dad's who can handle it, why can't you?" I don't remember wedding vows saying only the female do house hold choirs, do you?

Royalhinney

I would have said "well, maybe you should have married one of them and not me".

lou b

I would have smacked the bloke in the mouth. Does he offer you any help??????

justagrandma

"There are a lot of soccer moms who have help from their husbands, so glad you are offering."
Soccer moms usually have kids in school, at three and five, neither of your kids are. Most of what we consider soccer moms don't run home businesses, you do.
I personally hate men who have secretaries to help them and don't realize that they benefit by not having to do that work by themselves. If you husband doesn't, then he can appreciate how many jobs you do, and give you a hand, hes not crippled is he? You are a wife and mother and business person, not the only one in the house who can dust or do laundry, let him in, either he will leave you alone when he has to do something or he will shut up, either is acceptable.

Mrs Greeneyez

I would have told him to clean it up. your not a stay at home mom ONLY, you own a business too. he goes to work. shoot, in the end i think you're doing more than him. so if he doesn't like it, he can take his *** and clean it himself. there are tons of guys who would. so why can't he?

i would have said "there's a lot of Mr. Mom's now a days too so have at it!" or i would start sending him a bill for your services. if you're a stay at home mom you should charge him for housekeeping, chauffeur services, cooking because those are all things you do and apparently it's all you should do so you should be compensated!

mark my words

Here's what I said to my husband: Here's the sign-up sheet for domestic chores, as you can see the list is very short.

This was after he asked "what idiot loaded the dishwasher?"...not my 17 month old son and certainly not YOU, so I guess I'm the idiot!!!

Maureen

I can't imagine my husband ever thinking that he had the right to be angry about me not doing something that he could just as easily do for himself. If my husband thinks the house isn't clean enough, he does what he has to do to make it clean enough to make him feel comfortable in it. I do the same. Sometimes he will clean to please me. Sometimes I will clean to please him. But, I would never *expect* him to do a chore that I could just as easily do myself and that benefits both of us (and the family).

LoriBeth

oooh, if my man said something like that to me, i would have totally ripped him a new @sshole. being a mother is a full time job in itself, plus running a business on top of that, you're doing WAY more work than he probably is. you don't bust your @ss every day just to be judged by his condecending @ss. tell him that if he has a problem with the cleanliness of the house, then get off his lazy @ss and clean it himself.

Kanakalele

Then go get yourself a soccer mom that can do it all.

OR

Their husband's make WAY more money, and have a maid come in once a week.

nursecracker

hi hon... just those two children would keep a person extremely busy! i'm sure you don't have a lot of YOU time, either.

i would probably be hurt over something like this, too. i'm sure you do your best, and if it keeps bothering you, it's ok to tell him you felt hurt by what he said... you don't have to make excuses or argue about it.... i'm sure you're doing the best you can... and HE is not perfect either!

if he brings it up again, perhaps you could make a compromise. get someone to come in a clean once a week, or ask him to help you for an hour a few times a week.

You can't "DO IT ALL"!

take care, ok?

Baby # 3 Due in July

I am not married but I am engaged to my 10 month old son's father. I also have two kids a 3 1/2 year old and a 10 month old and its not easy taking care of them all day and trying to clean then go to work 20 hours a week. He needs to understand most of them soccer moms have house cleaners to clean for them . I use to work for a cleaning company called merry maids this one house I cleaned was a huge house and very dirty. The women that I was cleaning the house for was sitting on her butt watching soaps and eating. She also had four little girls but she didn't have to do ****. Anyways my fiancee has told me over and over I don't clean if I didn't then the bathroom and kitchen would be worse then what it is. It does hurt b/c the words are coming from someone that is suppose to be there for you and care for you. It also makes me so angry that the guys can get away with anything they can go out when they want and all they have to do is go to work and sleep. The next time he tells you that go on strike don't do anything and see how he likes it and tell him its his turn to help out around the house.

Lydia

Of course that would hurt. However, you should have talked to him about it right away - and you still should. It's always better to get things out in the open!

Kaliee

I would have cried. And then I would have got mad. Your husband (as well as mine) has watched the house get destroyed in 10 minutes with two young children at home. A 5 month old is a full time job! And add a 3 year old to that and it's all you can do to find time to take a shower!
He just doesn't understand, and he said something pretty insensitive. But still, I am pretty forgiving, so I'd probably tell him how I spend my days exactly, and then I'd forgive him when he looked guilty.

berry

Say "well I'm not a soccer mom and you are not a soccer star. Soccer moms have paid help, I don't, cos you can't afford it, cos you are not a soccer star!!"

hi_stk_n

Is the house dirty everyday or is it just an occassional problem?

One time for him to say that is out of line.

Tell him to trade places for a couple of days.

One weekend, you spend 8-9 hours away from the house and leave him to babysit, cook and clean and see what the house looks like.

steveky54

The answer to that question depends on a lot of things . Was he kidding, did he have a bad day at work before he said that to you , was the house really in that bad of shape and had been left undone for several weeks to the point that a walkway is all you have left . None of these are good reason for a remark like that . If it has been a while seance he has said it and he hasn't said it anymore and there is no problem over it try to forget and forgive for if he loves you then he should say sorry but maybe after it came out he hated saying it and is afraid to bring it back up and apologies for it .If it has only been a few days then tell him that you would like to talk to him about it . Tell him that you are doing all that you can handle with all you are doing and that you are sorry that he fills this way and that maybe he could help you or maybe consider getting some one to come over once a week and clean so you don't have it all to do all the time. This is coming from a man ...any man that said something like that and don't do his part to help out should have to be alone by himself for a long time with the kids and ALL of the house work as well as his job and then he will appreciate what his wife does. Psss if that don't work the next time he ask whats for dinner or he says baby bring me a beer tell him sorry I am busy cleaning this messy house.

Shelly79

You are more reserved then I would have been, I think I would have naturally communicated some unkind words to get my point across.

Perhaps your husband needs to swap lives with you for a day to really start to appreciate everything you do.

He really needs to understand and should be acknowledging your efforts.

I am exhausted at the very thought of walking a day in your shoes, but i am sure at the end of the day your family is worth it.

Good luck with everything and my hat is off to you.

kiy-afrie c

if he was that frustrated like you said he was, this is what i would have told him to clean it himself as he can see you was doing work already why he couldn't clean the mess?

Wooshy

I would have been hurt too. It sounds like you've got a full plate of things occupying your day. Depending on what type of personality your husband has ( and if he was already frustrated) ignoring the comment at that moment may have been the best thing you could have done. No sense in fueling a fire. However, if the state of the house doesn't meet your husband's expectations and it frustrates him, maybe you could suggest that he help out more with that, or pay for a housecleaner once a week. Lord knows it's almost impossible to clean house with two small children around. And let's face it, your husband doesn't really have a clue what other "soccer mom's " accomplish in a day. He's making assumptions, and basicly he was frustrated and took it out on you. Don't let it get you down. Your top priority is to the two little ones and if the house isn't immaculate 24/7, so be it. Put the ball back in his court and acknowledge his frustration and the two of you might be able to sit down together and find the best solution. Good Luck:-)

SHERRIE M

i feel for you i go through the same thing and i work 40 plus hours and have 5 kids now am getting a divorce but i come home clean house, cook dinner, take shower, and go to bed, get up at 5 am get kids up at 6 am for school go to work come home, clean house........and so on and if all you did was clean house all day then yes your house would be clean, clean. but with kids and work it quit impossible.

LACD

I would say "Honey, it is very easy to "do it all" with the love and support - and occasional HELP at times from the "Soccer Dad!!" (So silly, that 'soccer mom" thing)
Have a great day!

vincent g

You married a baby. Tell him to do or help with the cleaning. My wife and I share cleaning and cooking. Tell him I said to grow up.

sadv

IT IS HARD TO RAISE LITTLE ONES CAUSE YOUR RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSSINESS PLUS THE LITTLE ONES CRY SO HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND YOUR A WORKING WOMAN AND A MOTHER SO KEEP YOUR CHIN UP

Stefka

I would have been hurt and have to admire you for not responding back in anger and just continuing going about what you were doing. You are a better person than me. I wish I had your control over my tongue. Mine just makes things worse!!

I think you two do need to talk as you both have different expectations as to who should be doing what and also what takes priority. It would be a good time to list those things and then divy up the responsibilities. If you both find you cannot do everything then perhaps suggesting an outside cleaning service coming in weekly would be the next step.

Of course you two won't think alike but I do think a mutually satisfying compromise can be reached. Remember, neither one of you are wrong, just different.

Again, I admire your self-control. WOW!

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