Huge fight with my husband .I'd appreciate any comment?

My husband and I had a fight over his sister yesterday .He wants her to visit us like more than twice a week and i refused . For 2 years ,I honestly tried to be her friend and sister , I ended up listening to her never ending complaints about her life , how she didn't get married and how she doesn't have kids and how sad she is ..so i ended up to be a personal therapist for her ! recently i gave birth to a wonderful baby girl.so she started to come over daily to see my baby and i let her (just to share my happiness with her ) . then she started to say weird things to me like she can't live without seeing my daughter ,and that she feels she is the mother since she felt the kicks in my tummy ,
and that my daughter is exactly like her ..once she offered my daughter some of her anxiety pills ...and that is when i opened hell !
my dear husband says he didn't feel offended by his sister's jokes (at least that is what they call offering a baby anxiety pills ! )
i don't want to break their brother sister relationship .but i can't stand seeing her more than once a week ! he wants to invite her more since she has nobody and lonely .he says i can't forgive and forget !
I just regret opening my house to her and letting her share my happiness .i feel bad !

I'd appreciate any comment
Additional Details
i did ask him to go out with her alone , he says he doesn't want to cause it is not like a sister sister relationship ! the normal thing for him is to see her while we are together

Jazzy

that is a hard one. I had this problem but with my father in law. his wife died and he started coming over every day and wanting me to spend my day sitting and talking to him. He would kiss all over my baby when he had a cold and sometimes a scratchy beard.
you have to put your foot down to your husband or you will feel like a prisoner in your own home. My husband wouldnt do anything about it and then I started resenting him for not taking care of it and leaving it to me. It stewed adn brewed adn one day I blew up. I said things out of anger that I regretted saying. But I felt so trapped so long.
Eventually things got better but for a while it was tense.
I suggest you do something now before you explode like I did. I would sit down with my husband and demand that he tell her she needs to limit her visits to once a week or once a month...whatever you can handle. Offering pills to your baby is dangerous. Your husband probably laughed it off cause if he didnt he would have to face the truth ...that his sister is mentally ill. He is in denial. Its easier for him than to face the truth cause the truth means actions taht are hard.
The problem is you cant have eyes in the back of your head and what iv his sister had given her the pills? I think the things she is saying are red flags and you have to protect your baby first.
good luck, this is really hard, I hope you find some answers!

Amanda

His sister seems depressed. I would suggest talking to her about seeing a counselor. And from now on limit visits to once a week. If your husband refuses, it may be time to rethink your relationship. Her obsession with your child is unhealthy.

Joy

Have her committed, she sounds like a nut!

Grow Up!!!

Yeah it is really weird....but can I ask you to think about something...she has no children and she feels a strong connection to your child--no harm in that so far---she says the child looks like her--again no harm---she asks if the child wants some of her anxiety pills--yeah that is really weird--but could it have been more of a self loathing statement then an actual offer to the child...Maybe she knows she has anxiety problems and is worried that the child (being blood family) might inherit that gene through the family and it would be her fault (people get weird ideas about fault of genes--and about what is and is not hereditary).... I have seen this in case studies during internship. Now if she actually tried to give the child a pill then I would have commenced war. Maybe you should talk to her and let her know that her comment disturbed you, that you feel like she is smothering you, and that you want to maintain a healthy relationship...Let her know that regardless of how harmless her statement was that you would appreciate her not commenting like that to your child. Of course word it better and more gently---it might help her see how her behavior and comments affect other people. Let her know you prefer she stop by less often in a gentle manner too.

If your sister-in-law is lonely, then it's all the more important that she find other outlets and people to socialize with so that she doesn't have this unhealthy dependence/fixation on you and the baby - and if she has trouble doing that, then she needs a real therapist to work with her. (Who prescribed her the pills in the first place? You might want to let them know what's going on.) Make it clear to your husband that you care about her and their relationship very much, but she needs more help than you can provide, and there are certain lines that can't be crossed if she's going to visit. Then make sure he helps you enforce those - or, if he can't, supervise her very carefully and/or find someplace else for you and the baby to be while she's over.

Mrs.P

If its so important for your husband to see his sister why don't you suggest that he go over to her place or perhaps he could take her to dinner or lunch. Don't try and get in the way but offer other suggestions for them to do together.

justina

Have you ever seen the movie,The hand that rocked the cradle? this lady seems like a nut,you better make sure she doesn't try breast feeding your baby too!

Jim

Do you want to stay married?

If the answer is yes, youâ€™ve got to chill. If the answer is you donâ€™t care, then keep going in the direction you are going. It is true that your sister-in-law is a bit quirky but I have known of worse family members. Marriage isnâ€™t about just you and your spouse. It is the sum of all the dynamics of all associations you and your husband have with each other and both of your families, and friends.

I know this is not the answer you want, but it is the honest one.

After my wife and I had our first child we were on the verge of divorce. I could not understand how she was taking so much out of context and how she was over reacting to little things. Have you heard of Post Partum Depression? Has your doctor checked you for it? I am not suggesting you have it but it was a villain in our case and we would have never thought about it on our own.

You should feel bad. That is your husbands sister you are ostracizing. You should not kick someone when they are down especially family. It's also not just your decision it's your husbands too.

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