Husband annoyances - little problems, so why do I get so mad?

jan62apr96

U ar the organizer , he is the , what ever guy. This may be the hardest thing U will do. Just hear me out. Drop the ball. Don't do anything within reason with respect to safety. If you do everything all the time , he has no reason to do what U ask. That is the problem. You are acting like his mother. He has one. Dont do the lists, don't do what is expected of you and once he figures out that you are NOT doing it , he will be like., what the H*ll is going on here, she does everything. Just try it for a week and see what happens. Sounds to me like U started doing everything in the beginning and he is used to it. Sorry, that may be your fault. Now is the time to try and change it. By the way, U can teach an old dog new tricks. Cant do it with out us....Sorry, men who read this, just an observation.... God Bless U

box of rain

Humble yourself before life does it for you.

We all, including you, mess up little things.

The poor man is only human, just like YOU!

Rob

sound preoccupied, perhaps your incessant complaining of the way he does stuff is wearing him down

megalomaniac

Sounds like you actually have three kids. Sounds like he's just another one of your dependents. Sounds like you make most of the decisions and all he is left with is to follow orders.

We all have different priorities and I think that you need to allow him to explore more of his. So what if he doesn't get all of the groceries that you want as long as there is enough to eat.

Marriages are always a compromise and require constant and careful communication. Let him know that this is bothering you but also give him a bigger leash. Most people respond positively to more responsibility.

To make a crass generalization you sound a bit like a control freak and he sounds a bit lazy and detached. There is work to be done from both sides but remember those little details are not as important as you might think. Your relationship is.

Good luck.

HondaChick

Take out a piece of paper and pen and write down things. My fiance does the same thing. I think its a guy thing

Cappy

This may be the result of his passive-agrressive resistance to cooperating with you. If that is the case, he will do subtle things to sabbotage situations so you will step in and do it yourself because its easier. Do a search and read up on passive-agressive men.

Or he might just have too many things on his mind.

Or he might have ADD. My son has ADD and I can't tell him things because he can't remember to do them. But when I write them down, they get accomplished.

Nibblet

you can't change people, if you want things different, you may have to make the extra effort, and step up to the plate. If I were to say just one thing, it would be, "you will miss the dirty socks on the floor when your husband is gone" take a moment to see how much he loves you, and maybe he always had this problem, even throughout his childhood. you were the one that married him, and accepted him the way he is. I am sure he has some redeeming qualities.

Ernie

He obviously is not so good at details. You need some help. Does he have ADD? He sounds like a nice guy and good dad.
It can be harrowing to handle a job, house, 2 kids and the husband. But it would be worse to have a job, house 2 kids and no husband. Go and see a marriage counselor to help sort this out.
Good luck...

naughty_mattress_monkey

Get over it...For the love of Pete...give the guy a break! Now I understand why men have a hard time with nit picking women! With your attitude over little things, you are lucky he is not out messing around!

iltmaemc

don't sweat the small stuff. and what you are talking about is small stuff. be grateful he is not sleeping around with other women, or that he lies to you and gets drunk and beats you and the kids. OK so maybe he is a bit of a forgetful person. you are right he needs to do 50% of the family responsibilty.
did you ever think about the things to you don't do right that he accepts. My wife can't iron shirts; hers, the kids and my shirts properly, so I do the ironing so that it is done right. but i don't invalidate her for it.

Sophiesmom

Even tho hubby is bright, he may not have any common sense...This is common among bright people. You could make him a list and hope for the best and prepare for the worse. Even tho what he does isn't up to par with you he is trying, you have to give him that....And dont sweat the small stuff, it will only stress you out.

free_angel

He's not capable of thinking ahead and taking care of things himself. He needs instructions. Give them out.

angelr1790

Sounds like its you who needs to try harder, sit and go through your pictures of you 2 through out the years and you will find the respect starting to come back. He is not you, he does things differently... and it sounds like you both have to much on your plates.

speedy ski

do you know where he is every night? do you worry about him cheating on you? does he abuse you?

he seems to try so cut him some slack. would you rather be stuck with someone who does a great job of shopping but has a girlfriend on the side who nags a lot less than you?

naturalphase

Yes, these are little things but I can understand your point completely. Maybe posting things on a ginat calender would help. (the desk kind with lots of room to write.) Also you could put a list by the door. (don't forget diaper bag, extra bottle, checkbook, mittens, etc.) As far as shopping goes, get one of those dry/erase boards that are magnetic that you can stick on your fridge and jot down items you will need as they run out. Remind him to check the board and make a copy before running to the store. Hope this helps. Organization is key. Maybe this is your talent and not his and he just needs little reminders around the house to help him without having to bug you. Also it sounds like you are much more detail oriented then him. Just ask him to check the calendar, dry erase board, and checklist by the door everyday and he should be well on his way to becoming a bigger help to you without you having to drop what your doing to help him. Good luck!

Lee L

god, i have a problem with that with my boyfriend right now. I can only imagine what it must be like for you to have a person like that as your husband AND with kids.

Guys are like old dogs. They're hard to teach new tricks. You could yell, argue, complain and scare them once and see some immediate effect (but like you said it rarely takes effect). Or you can start implementing a nefarious plan to TRAIN your husband into the subservient equal to your household.

Sounds like he needs to get organized. Get him a PDA with alarms and reminders. And don't forget to reward him (even though we both know he doesn't really deserve to be rewarded for remebering to pay the bills) it will make him happier and more in sync with doing his normal duties.

Good luck!

Bren J

If you love him, it's your job as a wife to be tolerant, loving, and respectful of your husband. It's selfish of you to not control your anger towards him and it's selfish of you to be angry when he's trying hard.
Be grateful for the husband you have...some one you've been with all these years, who has the best intentions. Some women aren't so lucky.

Wish I could be something

He isn't like you, he is different. If he forgot a mitten then thats him. You wouldn't, if you don't like the way he does things then do them your self. If your stressed just accept the fact he does things different. May be you don't like him anymore...

Lily

Accept him as he is (he will never change). Stop being so controlling. Send him back to the store for the items he forgot. What is a missing mitten (soon your kids will be old enough to remind him).

lisa

Could he be a little bit passive aggressive?

Lisa G

THE LITTLE THINGS BUILD UP.

You can fix this by eliminating the room for error.

You can leave checklist on the table.

You can pay the cleaning ladies in advance, or leave the check/cash in an envelope in a specific location for the ladies.

You can pack the diaper bag every morning before work
and place the kids shoes or spare shoes next to the bag.

Susan J

Be glad you have a husband. When we get married it is for better or worse !! Give him specific instructions if that's what it takes. Tommoro is not promised to no one !! What would you do if you didn't have him ? Good Luck. SJ

M P

you should talk to him and see if theres anything on his mind. if he has the best intentions then just kind of brush it off

orphan annie

I get mad at some things, but sometimes I even forget stuff for my little ones. There was many times that I forgot to pack more diapers in the bad or forgot to grab a bottle, but got the formula. Cut him some slack.

nursebekki82

Haha. I can totally relate to this! We don't have any children yet and as of recently I have been staying home, so I handle things by doing EVERYTHING. I use to not be bossy, but if I need him to do something I have to give him directions. He use to handle the finances before, and took my car registration renewal out of the mailbox and paid with a bank account we don't even have anymore. 7 months later and after getting a notice that my license is suspended, it's finally fixed. There were also bills in my name that he wasn't paying on time. I asked him once to pick up a head of lettuce at the store, he comes home with a head of cabbage! Everytime we are at the grocery store he has to ask me what store we are at so they can swipe the little discount card. We only shop at one store! My only advice is to give VERY specific directions. As for financial things, do it yourself. As for the little mess ups with the kids, give him some slack. I know it's tough. Good luck!

June R

Sounds like your kids are pretty young and you're going through some stressful times. Maybe he has trouble thinking clearly around little ones. Not everyone functions very well with babies and pre-schoolers. It's too chaotic. I hope you can cut him some slack and find more time for yourself.

RanaBanana

My husband is like that. We all make mistakes. I'm good at running the house and he isn't. But if you put me in his job I'd end up killing someone (or at the very least seriously injuring them). But he is the best in his department at what he does...his company trusts him with million dollar equipment (jumbo jets), and I can't trust that he won't break the vacuum cleaner. lol

It occurs to me though, reading your post, that the reason he can't make a decision regarding the kids is because he's afraid that if he does, it will be wrong by your standards and he'll get in trouble for it.

You said yourself he's trying. You're lucky. Look around on YA you'll find women crying their men won't lift a finger.

Count your blessings and don't sweat the small stuff.

Cecil

Did you ever consider his point of view in these matters. He must be pretty frustrated with the situation as well if he is forgetting things like shoes.

He is probably just as tired as you are and I bet you do little things that drive him nuts as well.

I know I am not easy to live with and my wife has her quirks but we learned a long time ago that we have to learn to live with many of these little things.

Think about this, If you were to divorce him(hypothetical) and find a new man, would the new guys idiosyncrasies be any worse than the man you are with?

It sounds to me like you are just tired and you both could use a break.

chid a

tapah means to undergo physical and mental difficulties for the welfare of others , to be a sadvipra you must be 10 times better than ordinary person
see ten divine principles yama and niyama here
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country2bareassa

get him to go see a doctor and mabey the dr can help him with him forgetness

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