Husband doesn't like my gay male friend?

I've been married for nearly 4 years, but together with my husband for nearly 14 years.

I have a flamboyant gay male friend that I have known since I was 4 years old! But my husband despises when I hang out with this friend. He is homophobic, but I think moreso his concern is that I am having out with another MALE.

Doesn't matter how much I explain that my gay friend is G-A-Y, hubby doesn't like that I hang out and socialize with this friend.

So my question is: Who's right?? Yes, I know he is my husband, but I feel like he should not feel threatened over a gay male, and that he shouldn't try to command me to not see this friend. My response when he says this is, "My friend was there wayyyy before you, so why should I have to give him up?"

I am not having an inappropriate relatioship with my gay friend. He is basically the person that makes me laugh the hardest and is the most fun friend to hang out with occasionally.

So who is right?? Me...........or hubby?
Additional Details
Edited to add.......I am 31 years old, and hubby is 32 years old.

LeeH

..."he shouldn't try to command me to not see this friend"

Is he trying to 'command' you? I don't think that's ok. Maybe there is some other reason he doesn't want you hanging out with him. Does he simply not "like" the guy? Or is he uncomfortable with the flamboyancy (some people are..).
I have some friends of my significant other who I don't like but I would never tell them not to hang out. Guys and girls.

iwanturpussinmyface

Ask your friend to blow your hubby. It will make it all better

Mean Carleen

All I can say is there is NO way I would dump a friend I had since the age of 4 for ANYONE. I don't care if he was a straight male. Your hubby needs to get a grip and so does any other mate who feels they have the right to pick their spouses FRIENDS. Too many people want to contorl things that they need not and should put more effects into things they can contol and concerns them in a bigger capacity then who their spouse has as a friend.

Brian

Seriously listen to your husband. If I was him I would be pissed off at you. Why would I want to be with a woman who would rather spend time with some gay dude than with me?

Mr O

you're husband is right. You're ex boyfriends were their waaaaaaay before your hubby too, so why not look them up too? gay or not, why is it soooo important for you to cause stress in your marriage?

EDIT: what if you have kids? would you really want this gay guy to gay up your kids?

EDIT PART 2: before i married my wife i told her what friends of hers i didn't like (bad influences) and if she wanted to marry me then she had to cut them off.

bulls-i

You know my husband doesn't want me hanging out with some of my Female friends! Its just not right for them to tell us who to hang out with or not. its rude. Okai if he has an opinion about my friends that he wants to state to me? Fine. If he doesn't want to be around them? That's fine too. But that's it. You don't just tell your friends "I'm sorry we can't hang out anymore".

Been There~Done That!

Two friends of mine before I got married were gay. I lived with them for a year and I have to admit it was the most fun I ever had. My husband was unsure about keeping them as friends. They ended up moving to another state and it made it a lot better. But even after I was married I would keep their dog for them if they went out of town and kept in touch. Friends are important.

galvanic_fantasy

I think that after 14 years the two of you should be able to discuss the reasons for his objections to your friend. Do I think he should dictate to you who you can and can't see? No. But I think the two of you need to either find a compromise that is acceptable to you both (see him once a week or something) - or conversely - agree that this is an issue on which you'll have to agree to disagree.

Brooke

okay go to oprah.

Missy M

I really think that if your husband is uncomfortable you need to work it out with him and come to an agreement.

What I do know is that "gay men" often get touchy feely with women because they "don't like women" so think they can. Just the other night (Sat night) I was at the bar where my sister does karoke and there was a bachlorette party. The bride was making out with her "gay friend" all night... but it's okay, he was gay... yea whatever. I mean your friend may not be like this, but in my experiences a lot of gay men are like that, usually the flamboyant ones, and thats where your hubby may have issues.

It's hard NOT to sterotype and it is true that a few ruin it for them all.

scott

I think the question is, if you are in a committed relationship of 14 years, and you have a friend that your husband does not like, what do you do? Is your friend more important to you than your husband? It sounds like your answer it yes.

Replace your gay friend with a woman and ask the same question again. I Which situation is your friend important enough that you are you willing to end your marriage over?

Johnny

Nothing against gays but gay or not you shouldn't have a male friend that is that close.

there's nothing 'right' about not respecting your spouse's feelings.

so yeah, be right, and be dumped.

Queen of Denial

Kelly, do NOT let your husband control you, or who you see. That's the first sign of an abuser. I'm not saying your hubby is that bad (yet) but watch it. My ex started the same thing with my girlfriends, and before you know it, I wasn't seeing ANY of my friends--gay, straight or girls. He graduated into a controlling, emotional abuser and I finally saw through it and left.

Tell your husband to go hang out with HIS friends while you see yours. Keep your independence at all costs, don't let him control your life. Good luck!

The spurned one

I've got the same problem, known my wife for 20 years, she has known her new gay male friend for 4 months and i get shunted to the side each time he phones her for a chat they always end up out for a drink and i get quite pissed at this, but i'm the unreasonable one apparently, i dont know what to do for the best i just feel like smashing him for encroaching but that would just make things worse with my wife, she will not let this wedge in our relationship go full stop it's her friend and her choice of friend end of discussion she told me, end of our marriage more like

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