Husband had an emotional affair and I thought he was over it?

Anonymous

I don't want to blow off your feelings or concerns, but I'm just going to say it: do you think your feelings of doubt, concern, or anxiety have been augmented by the fact that you are pregnant and experiencing hormonal surges and carrying new life inside you?

Ok, I got that off my chest.

No, it isn't just hormonal surges you're feeling. Yes, it is a very real issue and generally, I believe, folks don't go trying to emotionally connect with someone other than their spouse unless their marriage is lacking. If a man feels like he is not respected by his wife he will try to get that respect & affirmation elsewhere. If he can't tell her his secrets, if he can't speak without her judging him, if his wife doesn't accept him for who he is, if she is a nag, if she's always telling him what he does wrong and never what he does right... these things amount to disrespect and will erode his self-esteem. He will beg to be built up and even if the girl is ugly and from a dumpster, affirmation from her will be worth something to him. We all just want to be loved & accepted.

Then again, you could be affirming, respecting him, and loving him to the best of your ability and that might not be good enough for him to stay true to you. It happens to good people.

I think - pardon me for saying this - that it says something about this girl's character for drawing a line and saying "No, I can't be friends with you" - it sounds like she is trying to keep from crossing a line that she shouldn't. But your husband is initiating something more. And you found an email, so it sounds like you don't feel like you can trust him.

Why does he want a friendship with her? He doesn't just want friendship - but he wants connection with her, and if he can get back in her life, under the disguise of "friendship", he will.

Is he happy with you? Well, maybe he is happy on the surface, but he isn't content with only you.

Why won't he let go of her? Only he can answer that. A counselor might be able to mediate between the two of you and help bring out those issues.

No, I don't think he wants to be her friend, I think he wants to be her lover. Sorry about the situation.

ogkmqueen

I absolutely do not think that he just wants to be her friend. And if he truly loves and respects you, then being her friend would be completely out of the question for him. You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him how it made you feel when you found the email that he sent to her. See if he'll open up to you about why he's reaching out to her even though he knows it would hurt you.

If I were you I would tell him that theres absolutely no way you could be in a relationship with him if he wants to have communication with other women in that way. Don't settle for less then you deserve, even if you're pregnant and scared, you don't deserve to have a guy wanting to be friends with another woman. Stand up for yourself and dont' let him lie to you.

No Sancha

IMO it is wrong to continue to have a 'friendship' with a woman that expresses feelings for you when you are married. If he didn't feel the same and was really committed to you then he would have told her that he agrees that it would be better if they weren't friends since she does have more feelings for him. I wouldn't want my hubby being friends with a woman he knew liked him. What is the intent there? Hmmm...

It has been months since they have talked and he is still trying to contact her? He must have really cared for the girl too if he is still thinking about her after all this time... Don't worry once she finds out you are prego she will tell him to F#@$ OFF anyway.

You don't need this at all. I am sorry. He sounds like a total idiot and you have every right to be upset. I would talk to him becuz something is missing and he obviously doesn't have the balls to communicate it to you!

ouragon

He doesn't want a simple friendship, he wants her. He sounds fixated on her. He could be happy with you and still want her, or he could think things are missing in his relationship with you and he's looking for them somewhere else.

Did you get counseling after you found out about the affair? You should.

A baby might not have been the greatest idea with a man you can't trust. I'm sorry, this must be painful for you.

*TiNK*

I don't know if he is happy with you or not. I don't see why he would be getting in touch with her if he was satisfied. He knows that she liked him as more than a friend, yet he is still communicating with her. Meanwhile, you're pregnant with his child. I don't think it's very fair to you.

But really, the questions you asked, are questions you need to ask him. I don't know why he won't let go of her, because you're his wife, he should be focused on you and this baby that the two of you will soon bring into the world.

Just try to sit him down and talk to him, and maybe he will give you some answers so you know where you stand.

Good luck

Mudutu.com

um why dont you be what your name is and, straight up ask him those questions, and be real and honest with him. it seems to me that he doesnt care about you THAT MUCH, if he is still attached to other women.

Joe M

i think at this time for him to try to reach out to her,it's because of the pregnancy.it's not a good excuse,but a lot of men get confused in times like this.does he act differently towards you?,and does he show any signs that he doesn't care for you anymore?maybe he just want attention from somebody,just like a man should give to his pregnant wife.

happywjc

He needs friendship
And, he enjoys the "chase"!!

Erik

Of course he's happy with you, that's why he looked elsewhere.

I don't know.

Maybe she's a good person? And yes, most likely, he just wants to be her friend. Nothing wrong with that.

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