Husband not wanting to have second child?

Our first child is 3 1/2 years old. I'm 30 years and he is 34 years. We agreed when we were dating ( 6-7 years ago) that we wanted to have 2-3 of our own biological kids then adopt 1-2 kids later. Now he's saying he doesn't want to have another child because I don't like spending time with his family ( a story too long and boring to type). We spend equal time with each others families.

I have expressed to him that it's not fair that he's denying me another child because he will always be fertile and can remarry and have more kids with a younger wife. While I will only be able to have kids easily, if at all, for a much much shorter window. I am starting to feel like he is holding my womb hostage and manipulating me to make me spend all the holidays with his family (who are okay for the most part...but a few are super conservative racists).

He says because we argue sometimes we shouldn't have more kids...but I say that if arguing occasionally is a reason to not have more kids...then it's also a reason to not be together at all.

How do I handle this when he is going back on our original plan? Also, is it fair to go along with him when he can always divorce and remarry someone younger later and have additional kids and I can't?
Additional Details
I say the whole younger woman thing because that's what my uncle did to my aunt. She had a hard time having a baby, so he cheated on her, got the other woman pregnant, then left my aunt for the girl who could give him children. Sick...but it happens.

I'm not concerned he will leave me for another woman...but I'm aware that the marriage could end in the future and he can go about his business of having more kids if he wanted to.

Kai

I can't imagine how I'd feel if my husband did this. I just can't. But here's my advice:

Talk to him one last time. Tell him everything you put on here. Tell him how he's not only going back on his word, but he's denying you what you want, which is more children. If he loves what, what does it matter that you argue? Arguing has nothing to do with it. There seems to be a deeper problem. His family may have something to do with this.

Ocimom

Plans change - deal with it. Just because he wanted several before, doesn't mean that desire stays the same. His reasons sound more like excuses, but unless BOTH of you want another child, its wrong to get pregnant because you want more and he doesn't.

Maybe talk to a family counselor and see if you can both agree to one more. We know of a couple who said when they got married that they wanted 5 or 6 kids.........after the first one came, they quickly changed their minds and decided one was enough for them!

dargonsilver

Sounds like you're more focused on your desire for a family than on your relationship with him. He should be your partner in life and he will be raising these kids with you if he's your partner. You're talking about him as though you think all you need is some man. I'm with my husband because I need HIM in my life, not just some place-holder. If you really want your husband as a person in your life, accept the fact that a step like having another child is a decision that will involve both of you. If your wants matter more than your respect for him and his opinions, then leave him.

Pearl L

if he dont want more kids, have them with someone else after you divorce him

wardendude38

Well, if you need a volunteer. I would have a couple with ya.

Starsfan14

Well If you are worried about him leaving you and having more children without you, then that is a bigger issue than him not wanting another child. So perhaps you should address your marriage problems first.

I understand that he made a promise to you to have another child and now he is backing out. So you have every right to be upset. But you are still rather young. 30 may feel old but it is not. ( I was 33 when I had my first 35 when I had my second.) So if I were you I would tell him that you are putting the issue aside for now. And then in a year or two after the two of you have worked harder on your marriage then bring it up again. And if he still doesn't want another child then you could consider leaving him, if another child is that important to you. Because I am sure you could either have a child alone or find another man to have a baby with you.

Marilyn

obviously he changed his mind because of something he is witnessing, or has witnessed and he's not about to get further entrenched in this situation.
you are supposed to love your husband more than wanting children, what if you were unable to have any?
it sounds like you want kids more than him.
i don't think having kids with a man who doesn't want them will ever be a good idea.
regardless of what he promised--for some reason he changed his mind.
don't get your feelings hurt because i don't know you but when you're around your relatives do they act ghetto? could be he doesn't want that for his future children.

awommack

tell them

TRIXIE frenchdoc hang in there

the cost of raising a child in the US from birth to 18 is 225,000.

no thanks.

Take it or leave it!

Considering you did discuss this prior to marriage him changing the plan isn't right!
I honestly don't know what you can say to him to change his mind, only you know what will get to him.
Good Luck~

Gia

Kitty just be kind and good to each other when you talk divorce you do not need to have more kids to make it work. just be a good woman that you are and the rest will follow. Work it out together. My prayers are to you and family! I bet you are a great mom and a great wife! Times are tough and enjoy your family!

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