Husband said this to me on Christmas night?

carriegreen13

Living with an alcoholic
Living with an alcoholic is very difficult - but you are not alone. Latest research shows that there are at least 900,000 people under the age of eighteen in the UK, living in a home where one or both parents or carers have a problem with alcohol.

70% of these children will try to hide the problem from the outside world, as they are usually frightened, with no one to turn to for help and support. Some of them feel responsible for their parents or carers drinking - they think that they are the problem; that they are responsible for the arguments, violence, stress and anxiety that typify family homes where a parent or carer drinks too much.

If you think someone in your family drinks too much, take a look at the ideas below. Even if you don't have this problem at home, you may know a friend whose family has a problem with alcohol and they may need someone to talk to. Let them know that you care and they are not alone:

Don't feel guilty or ashamed about the person who is an alcoholic - they just need help. Alcoholism is a disease and diseases are nobody's fault.
Don't try to convince your parent or carer to stop drinking or argue with them when they are drunk. They are not thinking clearly and won't be taking in what you say. Speak to them when they are sober.
Don't pour away your parent or carer's alcohol. You have no control over someone else's drinking. It is up to them to get treatment.
What your parent or carer does is not your responsibility or fault. Talk about your feelings with a friend, relative or teacher, who will usually help. There are helplines such as National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) which is free to phone on 0800 358 3456.

Talking to someone about your feelings can help you feel less alone and that person might be able to help you.

Get involved in doing fun things at school or near where you live. Doing outside activities can help you forget about the problems at home for a while and can help you feel better about yourself.

Remember that your thoughts and feelings are normal. It's OK to hate the problem of alcoholism and love the person who is drinking - both at the same time.
Who can help
NACOA (the National Association for Children of Alcoholics) has a free and confidential helpline to give support and advice to children and young people living in the care of alcoholics. Visit www.nacoa.org.uk/ for more information.

Alateen aims to help people understand the disease of alcoholism, and help limit the impact it has on the lives of people living with alcoholics. Visit www.hexnet.co.uk/alanon/alateen.html for more information.

Alcoholics Anonymous can help people that have become dependant on alcohol. Visit their site at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/.

You can speak to a Personal Adviser at your local Connexions Centre. To find your local centre click on the Local Services icon in the footer of the homepage or check out your local phone book.

You can contact a Connexions Direct Adviser by phone on 080 800 13 2 19, by text on 07766 4 13 2 19, by textphone 08000 968 336, by adviser online or by email.

redgator40

well he's a drug use, alcoholic, cheater, never home and is verbally abusive. and why are you still with him? your next and only words to him should be "i'm leaving you". but if you choose to stay with him don't post any more questions.

David B

LEAVE HIM! nuff said

KN21212

Divorce.

bully

ask for a divorce

nakedman_3333

Divorce his drunken a s s .Noone should be treated this way.He will be hitting soon.

lynn

Dont argue. Dont discuss. He doesnt like you, let alone love you. Make serious plans NOW to move on and live the rest of your life free from his hatred and live your life with love. You cant do it with him in the way. Think hard. Plan. Escape. Other women have done it. You can too. Good luck to you and my prayers go with you.

<3

get out of the house and leave him..
leave a note saying why you left.
he doesn't deserve you..
what man would diss his wife like that in christmas?

Frottage_is_fun

May I first wish a merry CHristmas and a happy new year-I hope you get a better partner than you have at present.
Dont blame alcohol ,he is just a nasty person- you are much better than that.
Stay strong- the New year will make things much better.

nadia n

you need support. womens reuge, lawyer, mother, sister?
report this incident to police, so they have it on record for future reference: you seem very vulnerable.
do not bring up his behaviour he may be seeking an "excuse" to physically assault you.
seek advice. tell colleagus, neighbours etc that you have
been threatened and are an abused wife.
for your child as well as your own sanity, you must change this situation.
Take legal advice, get a restraining order and throw the bum out on the street.
give no prior warning of your actions, but be firm.
do not spend another second alone with this evil, cowardly lost-cause.
forget that it's Chrstmas, or any other reason to let this go.
wake up and smell freedom- Its just around the corner-
so is a better life.
be brave and move on.
Good luck xx

oracle1

Take your child/children, pack up & get out!! Call the police if you think he will do you bodily harm. This is an abusive relationship, you are not to blame & your children, nor you should suffer because of his problems.

TAKE CARE!!!!

Not Guilty!

What kind of a person would say that on Christmas? What kind of a person would say that period? I will tell you, an assshole that's who, leave this loser and find yourself a decent man. Lifes too short to submit to verbal and alcohol abuse from your spouse, you and your child deserve a better life.

yazzy6753

Hi there,

this guy obviously does not deserve you! I cant believe the pain men put their wives through on christmas. He has no excuse being drunk. I say you save up some money and then leave his sorry ***!!! Or if you have $$ then just leave him before he gets home. You dont need a life like this!:)

yogurt777

If he is drunk, don't talk to him. Wait for him to sober up sometime. If he is drunk every time you see him, then you have a bigger issue. It sounds like he has some serious issues with something in his life. I hope it works out, but be careful because there is a very thin line between verbal abuse and physical. If there are guns in the house, I would unload them and hide the ammo. Talk to an attorney to see what your options are.

One Voice In The Day Rings True

This sounds like it could get dangerous eventually if not soon. You guys need counseling fast. You need support from reletives and plan an escape from this situation if you need to leave him.
"...who would say that on Christmas?" - Who would say that to their spouse EVER? If I said that stuff to my wife, I would consider myself evil and undeserving of her to stay.

flamingo

For your child's well being as well as yours get rid of him. It sounds like this is not the first time nor the last. Think about the effects this is going to have on your child. Good luck

Rock Candy

Don't say a word to him. He's looking for a fight. A fight justifies his behavior. The statement on christmas is a lash out from his own miserable behavior. He most likely is using drugs and alcohol to escape. He may not want to be with you or married and that is how he is dealing. Again, don't give him what he wants and that is an excuse.

If he doesn't want to see you, be near you, etc, it's time that you or him go. When he is sober and NOT AT WORK, it's time to sit him down. You have to be strong not only for yourself but for your child who relies on you to make these decissions for them. No one deserves what you are going through. You need to leave or make him leave.

G G

Leave him and tell him youre not going to even consider reconciling unless he gets some help for his drinking/drug problem. If hes never home, what do you have to lose.

rebel_angel031

Myself Personally i wouldn't put up with that at christmas or at any time he needs to get help and You need to help yourself

Your Husband Shouldn't be Saying this to you at anytime

Get out of there before It's Too Late

Its Simple One Word DIVORCE

You Can't Save him

SharpDr08

Tell him that you are filing for divorce. Doesn't matter if its Christmas or not, no husband should talk to their wife that way in any day. I am a man and sometimes i see my friends talk to their girlfriend and wifes that way, i just don't get it. Sometimes people joke around that way too and i am like WTF, isn't there any other way to joke around. Its your wife / girlfriend, why mistreat them. You need to put your foot down and make some noise, otherwise he'll run all over you and you'll be asking this same question on Yahoo Answers many Christmas to come. Best of luck.

judy y

I think you know the answer here. You need to be reassured that it's o.k. to leave. I'm here to tell you "it's o.k." and your only choice, unless he comes home and announces that he is in rehab and that he loves you and he is sorry. You are taking verbal abuse and manipulation from a drug addict. Can you turn to his parents to get him some help and then get yourself in a much better place? If you can't find help for him, then save yourself and get out. God Bless you.

Samantha Jo

if he abuses alcohol and possibley drugs who knows what he might abuse next. when you think he is the most sober ask him why he is acting that way. if he won't give you and answer or trys to change the subject then slap him with a divorce. you deserve better.

mlw12342001

I would make plans to give him his freedom, and myself to heal, then move on.

magdarra

First the benefit of the doubt - Your question didn't indicate there was severe money problems that would prevent him from buying a gift. (or that he shops on line and your diamond necklace is lost on a UPS truck somewhere).

The kind person who would say this is probably either emotionally abusive and/or mentally ill. He enjoys hurting you and calling him at work or being upset when he gets home just gives him the power to harm you.

Personally, I would begin to set limits by not allowing his behavior to destroy my peace or that of my child. If you suspect him of drinking and drug abuse, both lower his inhibitions and he may progress to physical violence if he hawn't already done so. Cheating means he can bring home diseases that can kill you, and if he is drunk/high he probably is not being safe about it.

Longer term, you need to decide if you want to stay in this situation. If so you may need an intervention to cause him to face up to his behavior. If not, then you need to begin planning how to get away safely with the least amount of intermittent tension possible, and protect you and your child in the meantime. You are the mom and you have a precious little one depending on you to help him or her grow up healthy and happy.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, noone can make you feel inferior without your permission.

If he truly believes he could do better than you, give him the belated Christmas gift of the freedom to find someone else.

Hoping he will bless me with #1

Man! This is tough. He is very rude and does sound like there's some cheating involved. That's just my take on it. I wouldn't call him at work. That's what he wants you to do. I would just relax for now and devise a plan and an escape for me and my child. Do you have friends or relatives that you could stay with temporarily? Do you have enough money to get your own place? He sounds very abusive.

.Michaela.

Jesus, that's rough.. And you have a child? even worst. My help for you.. is to probably just break it off with him, if he's got drug abuse and he's always drinking, it might be the best thing, because it could get far worst. You just need to think about YOU and YOUR KID. Not him. And that comment, who the F*** says THAT on Christmas! and to his WIFE?

miss mia

Sweety I feel so much for you, I can think of little more that hurts as much as being ill treated by those you love. You can't change him, nor can you deal with his issues for him. You need to move on, (i have personal experience here). Don't get to a point where you don't know what to do.
You need a partner you can turn to for advice and love and that wont have you running to a virtual world to get the support you need from him.
As far as what to say to him next,
"There is enough in the bank to get you through the week, I'm leaving and my attorney is a shark"
Good luck Bella the world is a better place

penelope

I really do believe in what you are saying, not to mention I can relate, as I to have a drunk for a husband, only mine is a happy drunk, but regardless their are times when he can say things that really get under my skin. I have lots of knowledge in the disease of alcoholism & Im not proud of it but being that I grew up in a house with both parents who drank, & then I went thru my phase of drinking, & of course life wouldnt be complete if I didnt grow up & marry a drunk, so needless to say, I,ve seen alot of what this disease can inflict & the disfunction it can bring into a home. I wish I could tell you something positive but this is a battle that has no winners, but you can get help for yourself, one thing I,ve discovered over the years is that you cant stop a drunk from drinking but you can help yourself, I cant stress to you enough the importance of you seeking help, because you are now in the middle stage of the disease of alcoholism, yes thats right, alcoholism is a family disease, this disease inflicts its ugliness on everyone in its path that is closest to the drunk, & the closer you are to the drinker, the more help you will need, but theirs good news, you have already taken the first step, & thats admiting that theirs a problem, next step is for you to get help thru a group of people who meet weekly called Alanon, they have these groups everywhere, so look in your yellow pages or go on line, its free & the group can help you better understand that you are not alone, you will also learn coping skills, & much more. You cant stop him from drinking, but you can make a huge difference in your life by seeking help for yourself. Good Luck!

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