Husband wants me to be stay at home mom!!!?

Sunshine

Do whatever you think is best for your daughter.

Julia D

Well, first of all since you have a child, from now on what is best for the CHILD should always come first in any decisions you and your husband make, no matter what.

So, then it comes down to the following choices:

Do you want other people raising the child you brought into the world, or do you want to raise her yourself?

If you want other people to raise her (you want to stay on the force, and have daycare or babysitters), then tell your husband that you're staying on the force. Period.

If he argues, then tell your husband that that perhaps he should stay home with your daughter, himself.

If he refuses, then you have to respect his choice. BUT, that means that now he has to respect your choice too.

this website is pointless

If you have enough money, you should be there for your kids. However, it seems you only have one older kid, so it's not as imperative that you stay home...tell your husband how much you love your job. If you had little kids or babies, then I would definitely say yes. Little toddlers should be influenced and raised by their parents, not some day-care worker.

no way?! WAY!

I would give anything in the world to have that opportunity. Consider it! You may like it. Being involved at my daughter's school has been so fulfilling in my life.

Do you work at the exact same location as your husband? does that have something to do with him requesting this of you?

Joyce S

i think you both should talk this over very carefully. you both have good points, but if it's a matter of safety i have to agree with your husband. he doesn't sound like a chauvinist.

ndnqt1966

I am a stay at home mom and I love staying home with our little angel...... if you really don't feel like you would be happy being at home with your child(ren)...then you shouldn't quit your job....I can understand that your husband may be concerned with your safety....but unless you are willing to make a career change....then you need to stay right where you are at...

terliuke

No, it should be a mutual agreement that makes both happy. If he knew that you were a police officer when he met you and was okay then, he has not right to demand you to quit your job. A 8 year old is old enough and you don't need to be home with him. Your kid is in school all day, what will you be doing??

If you need a compromise, maybe you could work part time?

I love my baby boy!

God forbid your husband wants you to be safe and at home raising your child! It's such a shame that he can provide for your family and you don't have to worry about working, when there are so many women who GET to work because they have to. Shame on him.

Yeah, that was sarcasm.

hello friends (:

I think he is just caring for you. I mean would it be such a bore staying home with your 8 year old child??? He just loves you and doesn't want you to get hurt that is all.

Romi

I think you should try and talk to him and understand where he is comign from. If he is being thoughful and thinking about a secure future, you should give it some thought.
If he is bullying you into this, you know, your options.
Making a marriage work requires a lot of maturity and compromise. Be smart and decide what you want.
You can alwayz find another job when you have a marriage, home and a kid. Try and communicate with your husband and make the right judgement. I am sure you are a smart gal.

Miss Rizzle

I think it's sweet that he wants to be the sole-provider and doesn't want you to have to work (if he's doing it for the right reasons). But if you really love your job, he should respect that. I think the best way to resolve this is to strike a compromise that would make both of you happy: simply reduce your hours at work. It would allow you to still do what you love, plus allow more time for you to spend with your child at home, which should make him happy. Ask him that, and see what he says.

twentyeight7

Sounds like he is a control freak. If you are not happy then how can he be happy unless he wants you to be unhappy. Marriage is a two way street. A 60%-40% split. You give 60 he gives 40 and you give 40 and he gives 60 and you end up with a 50-50 marriage. Why shouldn't he stay at home and look after the child. You didn't take all that training to stay at home. You should take turns in doing things. If he is not mature enough to see that then he is not mature enough to be an officer. Does he think that you should also be pregnant,bearfoot and chaind to the sink. The world and roles of woman are changing and if he can't see that, then he had better take some courses in the realities of life. I can fully understand that he doesn't want you to get hurt, but that could be the same for you. Staying at home will not change the fact that something could happen to you at home. The best thing for you to do is be happy for your self and true to yourself, If that can't happen then he won't be happy with who you are. Then you will hear" Your not the same person I married, you used to laugh, and be happy. You've changed." All this because he wanted you to stay home. Think it through really good before you make a decision that will make him pleased and you unhappy.

...

If he wanted to marry a stay-at-home wife, he should've said so in the beginning. But now that you two have been together for a long time and have a child, he has no right to demand that you completely change your life to suit a role that he wants for you. Don't listen to him.

Well, if the idea of being a stay-at-home mom is appealing to you, go for it; but from what you're saying, it sounds like you don't want that. Just do what makes you happy.

kaitlin

You should stay home. Think about how well things worked out back in the day. The mother stays at home, and the father goes out and works while the mother cooks, cleans and takes care of the children.

Call me old fashioned, but I personally think it's the best way.

Andrew

It's your choice.

Personally, I think you should talk to him about it. He is probably very worried about you, and doesn't want you to get hurt. Talk to him to see what he's thinking and make a decision TOGETHER.

Hope that helps :]

Sarah C

NO WAY Me and my partner have a child togeather and we both work full time.Your child is at school most of the day anyway,so is mine.If you love your job i say go for it you only live once so live it as YOU want to. hope you make your own mind up x

cjc

Hey, I love my job too. But if my husband was able to handle the household, I would take advantage of that oppurtunity in a heart beat. Your daughter would treasure that and respect you tremendously, as I do my mom who was a stay at home mom. Maybe a good compromise would be for you to work part time 2 or 3 days a week and then you could be home as well. I understand that need for independance and makeing your own cash, so it would be hard to give that up, but hey the pay off of raising your daughter and being home when she goes to school, get home, having dinner, and more time to do activities with her and your husband, even though she is eight years old is priceless.

Wiffyman

Your child is 8 years old not 8 months, you should be entitled to work if you wish. Your child is at school all day, if s/he was a baby I could understand you husband's point of view.

winona e

Do what feels good for you!!! You are the one that is important her!!! Your child is as well, you don't say how old your child is, she is important too!!! Do you need two incomes??? Things to consider. Good Luck!!

2Beagles

I would never give up my job just to make my husband happy. Unless your husband is willing to cut back his hours so he can stay home a couple days of week, then I wouldn't even think of what he's asking you. It's always the women who are asked to stay at home, but there's no reason why your husband couldn't do this. When I stopped working, it was my choice. My husband didn't want me to quit. Anyone can get hurt on the job, male or female, so please sit down with your husband and explain to him that your job is important, like his, and you need to continue to work for yourself. If possible, consider a compromise.. If he works days, you can work nights, or reversed. That way one parent can always be home with your daughter.

well it depends upon how much you both work. if both working 100% then you could cut down a little-maybe 50%-and your child would certainly benefit from that. an eight year
old needs attention from parents.

I tell it like it is

Talk to him , and tell him that you would like him to become a stay at home Dad, that you would like to be the provider of the household . You have similar jobs and pay , right? At this point he should realize how he made you feel by asking you this question.

Afterwards, you will be able to talk with him and help him understand that you are a great wife and mother, but are also committed to your career.
Good luck.

Shayna

Have you considered what is best for your daughter? It is about her after all, not you or him.

Personally, I would love to be a stay at home mom.

Edit: I thought I should add a little to this. Since your daughter is in school now, perhaps a compromise would be in order. Can you get a desk job, and just be at home when she's off school? I'd probably go insane staying at home all the time if my child was this old. I had always planned on being at home until they started school, and then part-time work after that.

schneidmanbabe 09

i would do it, he has a natural fear that someone other than u will come to the door and say u have been killed in the line of duty...go part time ask for a desk job, but do it ...

thom3223

No!! Your husband is your partner and should be supportive of what makes you happy. Your relationship can only suffer if it's not based on mutual support and understanding. He ultimately will be unhappy if he doesn't learn to appreciate the whole you.

just a man

Your safety I think would have something to do with his view. He probably also thinks it would be best for your child. Talk to your husband, maybe you working part time or something like that. It really is hard to say without knowing your family. Did his mom stay a home? Mine did and I wanted my wife to stay at home. The part time thing worked out for us. When she was ready for it.

thumper82_99

no its your life and if you do something based on someone Else's fears you will drive yourself insane. trust me I'm there right now, I'm a stay at home mom and i really wish i would have made a different decision, i love the time with my Lil girl but i feel as if Ive lost my independence...

mmurray001

First of all how long have you been married were you a police officer before you married your husband. he wants you to be a stay at home mom and wants to provide for his family. he afraid that you may get hurt on the job he could get hurt on his job also. You love your job also and this will make you unhappy to stay at home. He wants you to stay at home and raise your daughter and when she is all grown up than what will you do with the rest of your life.

may god bless you the choice is yours not mines.

thick and creamy

are you making more than him financially? and were you an officer before you two met?

i couldn't see myself giving up a career i worked hard for because he is feeling insecure.

but i can understand why he may have a problem with your line of work, he doesn't want to see you get hurt or killed which are very high possibilities.

i can tell you now that you will not be happy sitting at home because you love the high risk, rush from being on the streets, getting into the minds of criminals, you love what you do.

not that you don't love your daughter and love spending time with her, you would go absolutely insane staying home playing "SALLY THE HOMEMAKER" (no offense to stay at home moms/dads)

you two need to compromise, maybe you can work part time if that is a possibility. or maybe come out of the fields and do more off the street aspects of the job (maybe detective --too much CSI, LAW and ORDER) i don't know.

or just tell him that he married an officer and knew the risk and that you would never ask him to give up something that he loves and know that he is good at.

it will work out, but you two just need to come up with a resolution and staying at home is not an option.

anniexkins

do whats best for you, go to work. Its the 21century and what men can do, women can do. Would he want to be a say-at-home-dad? I grew up with 2 working parents and it hasn't affected me in any way. good luck!

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