I'm 18, miserable, and contemplating marriage.?

Paige

Marriage is not the answer to your problems. Rushing into marriage because you think it would solve your problems would be creating new problems. Marriage should be to someone you love and plan to live with for the rest of your life.

Regarding college, you need to figure out why you are going to college so that it would help you focus. Try talking to a counselor at your college to help you figure this out. What are your interests? What do you like doing? What kind of job would you like? In order to do a certain job, what kind of education would you need?

Once you are doing what makes you happy, then other parts of your life will probably fall into place. You will probably make friends with the same interests and perhaps then you will find someone compatible to marry.

Jay P

You think marriage will solve that problem? You're probably just lonely? Find some friends or someone you'd like to date. Don't get married, that should be the last thing you're concerned about to make your life at least a percent happier.

Debra G

You can't get lasting happiness from outside of yourself. If you get married just to try to leave behind your miserable life, your life will still be miserable. This is because you will be the same person.

You have to work on yourself. Find something you love. Find a way to animate your spirit/soul.

Be patient. If you work on yourself, things will get better.

Me Vale

Well let me tell you something honey. If you are not happy with yourself then you will not be happy with anyone else. Contrary to some people's beliefs, marriage and kids do not solve problems. You need to take care of your issues first. Don't bring others into your problems. Why don't you try some counseling? It might help to talk to someone about your problems. You are still young and marriage is a very big responsibility.

jammin7000

Married in haste, repent at leisure...

Fartbuster

Don't get married. You will just be 18, married and miserable. Trust me. Live your life first, then settle down. Cuz, you will probably end up being 24, divorced and miserable. Change things up a bit, travel, volunteer. Do something for someone else . You will end up feeling really good to help others. Your mind will be off of you a placed on someone else. Good luck.

Windi Lea

What is wrong with your life that is making you unhappy, won't disappear with getting married - instead you will have all your old unhappiness plus the misery of being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

If your life is monotonous, take up some interests, learn some hobbies or skills, and put those skills to use. Work is the cure for boredom. Spend your time and energy making your life rich and full, then when you are ready to share your rich, full life with someone else, you won't have to as a bunch of strangers on the internet if getting married will improve things.

Hey There

Great idea share you misery with someone.

get out and live a little. enjoy life.
what is your study? in college.

vanessa

don't get married. you young. think of what your really want and go for it.

mandy_010

The misery might go away while you are adjusting to your new life, but once it settled into a routine, you might become bored and miserable again.

A life without purpose is a depressed one. You are seeking purpose, as in, a role to play and to be necessary.

Some options are:
Quitting college for a year while you stay with family and get a part time job - you may do better later
Joining the military - there's certainly a need for that and they will train you
Joining a volunteer organization such as Habitat for Humanity or Peace Corps, or whatever ones are local to you
Just some thoughts.

Also:
We all should get plenty of exercise, healthy food and lots of sleep. A mistreated body can do strange things to one's mental health.
Counseling for sadness can help.

If you go into a marriage more as an escape from woes than from anything else, it wouldn't be fair to you or to your husband, or to your future children. It's terrible having a depressed mother.

But, if marriage is your dream, and you go into it with open eyes knowing that it's a lot of work and a lifetime commitment, full of ups and downs, then go for it. :)

tired_coworker

Wow. That's terrible. College isn't for everyone but marriage probably is not the answer. Have you considered getting away? You could travel through; taking a job as an international nanny, cruise ship staff, military, peace corp. Sometimes a new environment gives people new perspective. You deserve to be happy, don't sell yourself short.

Dr. Z

first getting married at this point in you life, thinking it will make you happy, it wont! 67% is the current divorce rate at this point for first timers, so you are wasting your time and life if it is not with your soul mate....happiness...what is that to you...some people search their whole life for this....there is no easy answer and when there is an answer it is usally different for everybody. You ...You are on the edge of the beginning of your life...there are many wonderful people and places out there in this world....but you need to first picture in you mind what it is you exactly want for yourself, not what your parents want or anyone else....if you get married now it will lead you down a road of missed opportunities and too many regrets...if you need more advice shoot me an e-mail...im always here...take care. Wes

Lioness

Oh, dear God! Getting married because you are bored, depressed, miserable, etc. is the WORST reason I have ever heard. "It's better than nothing?" Are you serious? Honey, ultimately this would make your life worse (and if you are that unhappy, it would make his life worse too), because marriage is a responsibility. Marriage doesn't make people happy. People have to be happy themselves if they want to have a happy marriage.

And PLEASE don't have a baby for those same reasons. Babies aren't to be used as "happy machines" for miserable parents. Such expectation is where abuse starts.

Right now you need to do some soul-searching. Take a break from school, because you aren't ready to be there. Get a job, and get some counseling. Emotionally you are a wreck right now and you need some help to get out of your rut. But whatever you decide to do, do NOT marry this guy. You will both be miserable together.

Somebodys Honey

You have no right to do that to anybody. Getting married to them to hopefully make your dull life better? You need to go to the doctor for depression. Look around you and count your blessing. If your life is so monotonous try a new hobby do something crazy get a new set of friends. But don't think that marrying someone is the answer. You marry because you are in love and want to build a life with your spouse not because you are bored/misserable. Shame on you. Wake up and quit acting like a child. The fact that you think marriage is your option to spice up your life shows how much it really isn't. Get some help and don't ruin any lifes bc of your selfishness.

jen_mitchell_01

Well, first off I hate to hear that you are having such a hard time!

Second, do you like this man that your mom would like you to be with? Because if you don't......DO NOT ACT ON THAT!!!!! I promise you that it will not make you any happier! I was 20 and my boyfriend and I decided to have a baby, We didn't even make it through the pregnancy and now he hasn't see her in over a year! Rushing into something to fix something else only creates another problem, which yes some times can lead to miracles. But really do you want to do that at 18?

Second If you hate school, maybe you should switch majors? I didn't get to finish school and would give anything to be able to go back, but for now it is just simply out of the question! Do you still live at home? Do you work? I moved out of my parents house and in with a room mate and had the time of my life. And learned some great responsibilities.

In the end, you are going to do what you want to do, just make sure that its what you TRULY want to do, and not something you think is going to make you happier.

Best of Luck,
Jen

Zelda

I think that being depressed and bored is a terrible reason to get married. Marriage is a big deal, and it is not something to be entered into simply for lack of a better idea. I suggest going and seeing a psychologist about the depression that you seem to be suffering from. When you are feeling better, THEN decide whether you want to marry this man your mother would like you to marry, or whether you would like to wait and see who else/what else comes along. It doesn't sound like you're in any shape to make that decision now, and as other people point out, it won't solve your emotional problems.

meggy

marriage should be a wonderful experience when you've finally met someone YOU (not your mother!) are madly in love with, not a last resort! i think it's best to find yourself before you can be with someone else, it sounds like that's what you need to do.

i would suggest traveling. it sounds like you're in a bit of a rut. get out there in the world, see new things, live! you're so young, how can you be disenchanted with the world already? you must just not know all the amazing things there are to experience yet. do a summer abroad program, spend a semester in a foreign country, discover your interests, passions, see breathtaking sights, sit in cafes, drink wine with friends, fall in love, fall in love with life!

it sounds like you're just thirsting for a big change- give it to yourself, you deserve it! a change of scenery can do wonders. keep your chin up, smile all the time, and slow down and experience all the wonderful little parts of life. not for your future husband, not for your mom, for YOU!!!! good luck and be happy, you'll find your way, don't worry! <3

ps- i didnt like college that much when i started, either, but it gets better and it's only 4 years... so march on through it and you'll be in such a better place when you graduate then if you didn't have a degree!

Blade_III

Girl, go find something else to make you happy. Don't look to a marriage or another person for your happiness. what happens if the marriage ends or the person leaves? Why would you give another person that much power over you? You are 18. Go out and flirt. Guys will make you feel good because they will be all over you. Get dressed in something nice, go out with your girlfriends and watch the guys fall over themselves to talk to you. Then go find something you enjoy doing. Helping other people, reading to little kids, talking to the elderly. Go to school and get a degree. Do something for you and marriage will take care of itself.

Mami

Be careful what you wish for. Marriage isn't the answer to your problems right now. It's not that easy. It actually may make the situation worse. Always remember don't settle for less than the best you are worth it. And this is your life not your moms. (I know from personal experience.)

Heena

LOL please tell me your kidding.

Your only 18. Your lacking motivation. Marriage is not the solution.. infact, it creates even more problems.

Lily

You need to go to the doctors. You are depressed and marriage is not going to cure that! 18 is too young to be married.

mustard seed

Ha good one, if you feel better, then you should be in the world guiness book.

you marry because you are happy, not because you are trying to find happiness. Am sure you know this as well, don't set up yourself for disappointment.

Talk it out with someone, counselling, find something that interests you. When you feel better, u will see things differently am sure.

Aaron B

I know sometimes life seems monotonous and you really want something exciting to boost it. However, if you get married just to get married you are cutting yourself, and your partner out of a lifetime of true happiness. It may break the monotony for now, but it will create a lifetime of monotony later. You need to be happy with yourself before marriage. If you take any advice from this do this. Take the money that you would have spent on the wedding and go on an adventure, (travel, take a job that excites you, volunteer in something that moves you). Just do something that you have wanted to do for just you. Who knows, maybe your will meet mr. right on the way.

Judah

Depression makes people impulsive.

Marriage is, well, obviously, a big responsibility, and probably the opposite of impulsiveness, as the consequences stay, well, forever.

You'd probably be better off doing something impulsive with less responsibility. Maybe take a break from school, and head out somewhere different, somewhere free from whatever obligations you have now. Or maybe transfer to some school further out of the parental bubble.

Monotony usually means high pressure, which means high headache. Try a break, low pressure, figure out what you really want before you sign up for anything big when you're not even sure what you really want.

judgebill

Okay LM, your challenge is to discover your own life. You have listened to others all your life so try to listen to yourself for a change. What interests you? What do you like to do? Where would you like to go? What would you like to learn? At 18 you are an emancipated adult. If you see as your only option getting married, then you have chosen to limit your options. Open your eyes and your imagination. You can do anything you want to do. All you have to do is first imagine what you would really like to do and then do it. Wil making your own choices involve rejecting your parents? Are you constrained by your cultural heritage? You have the power to make your own decisions but this takes courage. It also takes courage to follow another's directions, but it's more rewarding to follow your own. So direct your own life, don't let someone else direct you.

ellie

Marriage is not the answer...stay in school and try to find a subject that engages your attention. At 18, you're bound to feel like you want a change in your life (especially since you have let your parents make your major decisions up until now)...you need to find what you want that change to be. Marriage isn't it - it will just increase your misery and loneliness after the initial excitement fades.

oh crap.

honey.. you are too content. There comes a time in everyone's life when they feel as if they do not know what to do and it usually the time after high school when you are "grown up". You need to figure out who you are =]. Go out with some friends, go to the club, hang out! Go enjoy being young.. don't get married your not old enough yet.. you have so many amazing things in life to experience! Get involved in like a sorority or other girls in your community =] be happy dear.. You are beautiful and strong and should live your life to the absolute fullest!

<Fountain-of-knowledge>

I know what you mean. After high school, life feels overwhelming. I'm in community college right now, and bored of it. But I try to think of what would be best for me long term, not short. I'm being asked constantly what job field I'm getting into and I just don't know.

But ya, I don't really think marriage is a good idea for you at the moment. Just getting married for "something to do" is probably not going to last. Maybe a new hobby or something?

Always remember, this is something to live for. Life has no actual purpose, so you have to make your own.

Pyar

If you marry someone at this point who you don't love , you'll be miserable until he ends it with divorce ... then you'll be miserable cause you're divorced ..
Seriously , you should talk to a therapist , you need to get your life together . Make sure you can take care of yourself before you think about marriage .

King of Night Games

Nope, sorry. This will be the worst mistake you would ever make in your life. Think you have it bad now? It's going to get 100 times worse after you are married.

First off, your college aid will drop drastically and you'll have to pay out of the nose for tuition. Why? Because financial aid assumes that since the two of you are married that you can afford college (since there's 2 of you).

Secondly, you'll be getting married to someone that you don't really love. Both of you will know it and you'll get more depressed that you're locked into a loveless marriage.

Thirdly, if you are depressed then nothing like this is going to help you. I really think you need to get some psychological help if you really feel this depressed. Marriage is a wonderful thing, but what you are suggesting is little better than if you were to become an addict, self harm, or attempt suicide.

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