I'm 28, been with my BF 4 years and no ring :(?

FlyingScooter

Why haven't you proposed to him?
If you want marriage so bad, why not take the first step and ask him?

here's the thing: Why do you want marriage? For security, medical benefits, tax breaks? If you've got love, honestly, what else do you need?

I knew a couple that lived together for 10 years. One day they announced to us they were getting married.
Sadly, within one year, they were divorced and hated each other. To this day, neither of them really know what went wrong...

Good luck and best wishes.

Valerie X Account #20! At Last!

At 28 years old and having been with him for 4 years, I think it is VERY FAIR for you to know where your future will be with this guy.

How long does he think it is fair to string you along? Is he going to marry you, or not? He needs to be honest here......

godisgood

I too had been in this very situation. Dated a guy for four years..no ring. I thought I could not live without the guy, but he was breaking my heart by stringing me along. He kept saying he wasn't ready just yet. So I moved on, it was the best choice I ever made. I started dating another guy a few months later, who I fell so deeply in love with and he proposed to me after we had been together for one year. We have been married for 5 years now and have a daughter and planning to have another child soon. The other guy I had dated got married too 6 months after we split up....and he got a divorce a year later because he cheated on her. I say stand up now and give him a choice then follow through.

BikerChick

Sounds like you are on totally different pages, going different ways, and want different things. I am NOT saying you are right, he is right or you are wrong or he is wrong, you two just are NOT on the SAME page. Forcing him or guilt tripping him in to getting married would be a HUGE mistake. Waiting around for another 2 or more years for him to change would also be a HUGE mistake also.

You HAVE to somehow get him to sit down ALONE with you, no phones, no interruptions, and lay ALL your feelings thoughts and emotions out on the table. THEN, you need to DISCUSS where YOU want to be in 2 years, AND where HE wants to be in 2 years. IF you two cannot come to a COMPROMISE and make an agreement TOGETHER, then I am afraid you will have to move on.

COMMUNICATION and COOPERATION is key to making ANY relationship work - and even though you get along NOW, marriage DOES change that too - especially if one of you really is not comfortable being married.

These things happen to the best of people. For whatever reason, he is petrified of committing for life - that paranoia is not going to just "go away". You COULD suggest counseling together as a last resort, but if he is not willing to work on it with you, you need to find a man who will. I am really sorry, but I know life IS too short to waste it waiting for someone else to change.

Brett

I know it feels like you are running out of time but you are still young. It is a hard thing for a man to figure out the right time and the right way to propose to the woman he loves. Please give him a little more time. I lived with my wife 3 years before we got married. She also got tired of waiting for me to propose and she went and bought the rings, started planning the wedding and gave me a choice, marry her or she was leaving. So I married her. It only lasted 7 years and then we divorced. And she is the one who left. She didn't think it all through. So please, don't force him.

benjamin m

If you want kids and a family then just tell him he needs to sh8t or get of the pot so to speak. But be prepared to either never get married or to walk out for good. Ultimatums can blow back in your face but if you want somethings out of life that he has no interest in then it is up to you to get them for yourself.

Honey

Propose to him. Problem solved.

If he says yes, then he's on your time table. If he still give you the "be patient" speech, you know that he isn't serious.

However, if you just sit around waiting for him to ask- all because you don't want to be the one to have to ask- then there should be no complaint on your part because by doing that, you're restricting yourself to his time line.

martha

maybe you should tell him how you feel and ask him what he really feels about it i know most guys who dint believe in marriage or on the darker hand he might not wanna marry you because he might not think your the one i mean 4 years is a long time tighter he hast got to do somethings he would have done if he was single and when your young you wanna be crazy and free so he was basically tamed for a while but ont he lighter note maybe its not that maybe he is just waiting for somethings to happen and make it a right Moment thing but you'll never find out if you dint talk bout how "he" feels bout it?

Doc Phil

tell him to poop or get off the pot then back it up with action.(move out) you won't get far if he has any intentions of marrying you. if he doesn't you will be on your way

ablex

If he says "be patient", then you have a decision to make.
How soon do you want to be married and have children? He's not ready. If you are, you'll have to move along.
It is said that women marry when they find the right man, while men marry the first woman they find when they decide they are ready to marry. It doesn't matter how much he loves you, if he's not ready to marry he won't marry you.

The Lauren

Tell him that you want to be a wife and mother. If he doesn't want to be a part of those plans then you need to break up so you can find someone who does.

honey

i think he is afraid to commit.not because he doesn't love you but loves you so much and afraid to loose you.tell him what you really want and assure him your love.spending your life with him and having his children are words that will make him reconsider.

mickey mouse

I would suggest sitting down with him and having a serious dialogue about the direction your relationship is taken, has taken and/or will take. Obviously, he loves you and wants to be with you b/c you all have been living together and etc. But you have to figure out why he hasn't proposed yet.

Also, men think completely different than women do so it's possible that he really doesn't see the need since you two are already co-habitating and doing everything a married couple would do. I wouldn't pressure him b/c you don't want his main reason for proposing to be just b/c you asked him to.

Try to have an open mind when you talk to him about it and you should feel free to express your feelings as well. If you want kids now or in the near future and he doesn't or you want to be in a more serious relationship (marriage) and he doesn't, then that's a serious issue.

Good luck!

Greyhound Mama

The answer is in your post. "We both are successful in our careers and have lived together for 3 years, so it clearly works." As far as he is concerned, if it works, there's no need to change it. He's got everything he wants: A partner, bed mate, etc. with none of the ties.

You need to talk about how you feel in regards to this. If your vision of the future is to be married and have children, then you are going to have to shake things up a bit and stop being satisfied just with what "works" right now.

Good luck.

Janet W

Tell him that your life plans are to be a wife and mother. Ask him if he fits into those plans or if you should start making some changes now before it's too late.

Michelle K

It's time to move on! If he doesn't ask you with in the first 2 years they most likely will not and it doubles the chances of getting divorced. If you really want to get married I would find some one that loves you enough to want to spend the rest of there life with you. The longer you stay with him the more time you waste finding the right guy for you. We only have one life to live, why not make the most of it and ditch the loser that's been dragging on a road to no where.

mr.c

he obviously doesnt have a problem with the relationship as it is now.
i wouldnt pressure him and bug him about it, its something that he needs to do because he wants to, not because you want him to.

would you rather have him as a live in boyfriend or not have him at all.
you may have to face that question sometime in the future.

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