I'm a bad mother, and wife, I think I need to...?

Sophiesmom

There are some people who shouldn't have kids, heck im one of them. With me it was the career and i never had kids don't plan to im 46 i tad bit to old. I do have two kids but i got them when they were older and they could basically take care of themselves. I cant cook, i do not clean house, we have someone who does all that or i would starve.
Maybe it is all about the timing, i know you love your daughter and your husband but do you take a little you time, im mean do you have something you can do just for you. You can manage this, your daughter needs you she didn't ask to be brought into this world and she needs your guidance. What you can do is take some college courses, maybe learn cooking or art classes are a good outlet. This gets you out with other people, some social time. I think you feel like a bird trapped in a cage that's to small for you. You need to spread your wings a bit so that all of who you are is not lost in this, set yourself free, even if its only for a few hours.

Randy

go to counseling you cant run your family needs you and with help you will learn how lucky you are.

GenuineGemini

Dont leave. Its not fair for your daughter. She didnt ask to be born.

Give yourself some credit. No mother or wife is perfect. Talk to your husband. Find a balance so you can do your "band" thing and have time to be the best wife and mother you can be.

We all have dreams and ambitions but sometimes we need to be able to juggle and compromise a bit for the sake of our loved ones and the commitement we make to others, in this instance your husband and daughter. How would you feel if your husband left you and the kid behind to chase his dreams rather than talk to you and work out an arrangement that will work for the three of you.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do!

mel

would you be cool if your husband
did this to you first?

out of nowhere?
no you would be devistated..
try getting therapy first

before you jump the gun

ur daughters gna be a mess
on the other hand youll be setting your husband free to find a better woman..

Lenora

No, you aren't thinking about them - its all you!

I know, I felt the same way. I felt like I was being smothered when before I met him I could do what ever I felt like doing.

It is an issue that is best handled with a professional therapist and talking with your husband. Doing what you are thinking will cause resentment with a man who had no other intentions but to love you. Your daughter who didn't ask to be here was a collaborated effort between you and your husband. You have already mapped a new mother for her. Stop it! Stop allowing your sister to spend so much time with her that their relationship becomes stronger than yours.

Talk and devise a resolution. It could be the difference of just taking a vacation as opposed to a divorce that will end with a whole lot of regret.

Ravenberri

Find ways to comprimise your wild nature and the stable environment you've developed with your husband and child - go out on more dates with your husband, do more fun things with your daughter. I'm sorry to say, but most kids will develop different relationships with people in their lives, you are her Mother and she will love you as such, you might never be a friend to her, but her aunt can be (obviously). Stop being jealous of it and try to do things to promote good memories for your daughter with you - Have friends over for an intimate party, with you on stage with a few others or something. Do you NEED to be at a bar to play good music?

Travel - Why not? Your daughter is old enough to take with you, tell your husband you need to run wild a little, why not do it with your daughter and husband? Save up every year to go somewhere for a week or two.

Change some of the more boring/annoying habits about yourself. So what if your not good at house chores, focus yourself and grow up, the house won't clean itself and having kids around makes it worse. But your daughter is old enough she can have a few of her own chores now, like picking up some toys and putting them away while you do the laundry and your husband vaccumes. If the whole FAMILY does an hour cleaning and chores a day, together on their seperate tasks, eventually the house will be easier to clean.

My sister's the same way, she feel she's a terrible mother because she can't keep a clean house and she wants some freedom, but all she does is push away her husband and kids instead of including them in these random whimsical ideas - make a game of it, if you know nothing's going on and there's no plans for tomorrow, pack up a lunch and take you and your family somewhere new and interesting.

cave man

You are perhaps the most selfish person I have ever encountered. You CAN be a wife and a mother, you just don't want to. If you put half the energy into your marriage and family life as you do toward being a quitter, you would be a superstar. You need to grow up, act your age and start taking responsibility for your actions. If you can't cook, take cooking classes or buy a cook book. If you want to play in a band, but the Guitar Hero or Rock Band video games. And as far as you not being able to do chores, that is a bunch of crap. You can do them you are just too lazy to do them. If you didn't want to get married then you shouldn't have. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You can't just divorce your family because you are to lazy to put forth the required effort. Grow up. Peace and God bless.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

No you just need to grow up and stop being selfish. Stop thinking about what you "want"...think about what your child needs. You don't have to cook and clean, hire someone to do that crap if you don't want to do it and find very basic recipes online.

Mothers and wives don't cook and clean...they love.

Alison

Personally, I would stay and take alot more vacations without your daughter and sometimes without your husband. That may help. Everybody needs to get away...some more than others.

Think about the future....your daughter could end up not knowing you and possibly not liking you. Would you want that?

Alexis

Dont have babys if you cant take care of them Lady!

twiggy

can't never did do anything. Try to learn if you really love them. But it sounds like you are not ready to stop partying. That's the only thing that the can't will destroy. Your family.

Mike's D One

OMG you sound like you need to get mental help. Go talk with a professional before you throw your life down the crapper for a fantasy life. It truly sounds like you have this mental pic of what a good wife and mother is supposed to be and keep beating yourself up over it. QUIT before you make a big mistake. If you child is spending quality time with your sister do something about it like grow up and be a mother. Also if your child is doing that you may want to work on your relationship with you husband before he looks else where too. My best advise to you is to get into your family and become part of it. Grow UP!

his baby girl

Not trying to be rude on this one but girl you gotta start thinking more of your daughter. Do you want someone else raising your child and something happening. Not saying it will dont get me wrong but this world is not perfect. No body is perfect. You need to talk with your husband and maybe come to an agreement that every so often you can go to a bar and drink or something. You have to really think more about your daughter. You will get through this if you really love them you will make it though. Love conquers all. But stop thinking about what you want. Do you want your daughter to grow up and when asked whats her mom do for a living and then bring out this emotional part of her. Only for the fact that she dont know who you are. And if she does its never any of the good. This little girl needs her mommy. I know its hard I am doing this all by myself but I would NEVER EVER want to give up on them. I love them both with all my heart and soul. Good Luck and I really hope you find some help with this all.

Say it Like it Is :)

Do you not love your daughter, do you not want her, wish she was never born? If you answered yes to this question then your a bad mother, if not you have love you will be ok :)

beachtan365

Have you tried counseling? You can still enjoy your passions, hobbies, interests while married with children. You sound very selfish and unwilling to compromise with people around you. Your daughter really needs her own mom. She's five and she's old enough to engage in the activities you like. You two could have a really good time messing around with instruments, music, etc.

Tricky Dick

Well I would say have atalk with your Husband and tell him that you just cant do the married thing any longer, I will hurt, but honesty is always best. Explain that you love him if you do, you just need to be you and hopefullly he will understand. Ultimately you have to be true to yourself. Your daughter may take it hard, but you could suggest staying maried and him just letting you do your thing and he his, but I doubt he would like that. So be honest and be firm and hope that it doesnt cause to much problems

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