I'm getting married on Sat and my fiance hit me yesterday... what do i do now?

Vanity Affaire

Cancel and get your money back, call all the guests and tell them the wedding is off. It may seem like a cruel thing to do to cancel on all your relatives but wouldn't it be more cruel to trap yourself in an abusive relationship? He hit you once, he'll hit you again. As you said, life is full of stress, full of disasters that could possibly happen and if just being stressed out would drive him to hit you, what would a real serious issue drive him to do, beat you senseless?
If he loved you, he wouldn't have hit you, regardless of all the things you've been through of all the things that you guys have done together...he doesn't respect you. You have to decide if you want to be ducking and hiding for the rest of your marriage if something goes wrong or you want to be with someone who possesses self control and most important respect for the woman he's about to call his wife.

Paul

Don't marry him. Let your parents know why, that he hit you. It's his fault, not yours. Don't permit yourself to live under the threat of abuse simply to pacify a few relatives who are in town.

Anji

You both need to see your Pastor....

Get help right away so that you can make a rational decision...

Violence is not right - he needs to learn this and you need to know if it will become a chronic issue.

Good luck.

kittykatsback

Oh this is the beginning.

Of you being a battered wife.

He realizes you are HIS NOW.

You still have two days to save your life. Oh and honey, he does not love you if he hits you. Freaking love yourself enough to not be married to a wife beater.

Òº×¡ÏÎµ 2Ó¨Ó¨8

you leave immediately. If he can hit you before the wedding, he will keep hitting you after the wedding and through out your marriage. He is an abuser. GET OUT NOW.

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this is a serious answer. i know u will hear this a whole load of time ''if he done it once he'll do it again'' PLEASE bear in mind that people who have gone through this say this because its TRUE. Good luck, its a huge decision. Take it rationally.

teresathegreat

Well, a slap on the face in the heat of the moment isn't as bad as a beating, but it's still not a great sign. Stress is no excuse - it's a reason stuff happens, but it doesn't excuse it.

Only you know if you can forgive him for this. You might want to talk it over with a pre-marital counselor or friend, but ultimately only you can decide.

Make sure he understands how much this upsets you, and that you need his assurance it will never ever happen again. Make it clear that any repeat of this behavior is grounds for immediate divorce - no questions asked, no excuses made, you walk out the door and the marriage is over, forever.

Jennifer

Yes...get the refunds! I've been down this road, and believe me when I say it is easier to cancel a wedding than go through a divorce a year later. Don't do it!

My ex was abused as a child, too. It started out with a slap and he'd say that he was sorry. And it didn't stop. Get out while you still can, before the violence escalates.

Red Rose

Cancel the wedding you already know what to expect. I think it's better to call it all off than to end up divorced, with kids to raise on your own because your husband hits you.

It's Me

Dont marry him. It's only a preview of what your future beside him is looking like. A man should NEVER hit a woman no matter how mad or stressed he is.
Dont think about all you spend on the wedding and all the people invited, im sure if they knew why you had second thought about getting married they would totally understand!

Good luck with what you choose

momrfg2003

At the bare minimum, postpone the wedding. This is something that has to be dealt with.

I got answers!

You cancel the wedding.....period, unless you like having the crap beat out of you. He may not be doing that yet but he will!
Who cares what people will think? I guarantee you they will talk alot more when they start seeing you with black eyes and bruises! You don't deserve this, no woman does!

karen h

I would be afraid he might hit you again. I don't know what to tell you but I would think it over good if he hit you once he probably will do it again. Good luck.

MissesKisses

Hi, sweet-heart... Okay, this is a hard question to answer, but here is my humble opinion:

Two days before I got married, my fiance went out and got really stupid with his friends. He was drunk out of his mind, did some stupid things, we fought (verbally, not physically), and I ended up leaving him in the hotel room with alcohol poisoning while I went across the street to a different hotel.

I married him and we're happily married because it was and remains the only stupid thing like that that he's done, but every time I think about our wedding all I can think about is how devastated, angry, and hurt I was and how none of that can be changed.

Was our wedding fun? Yes. Do I have good memories? Yes. But unfortunately they're all kind of overshadowed by the bachelor party and the fighting and crying that resulted.

I'm not going to make excuses for your fiance hitting you. No matter how stressed he is, whatever, no man has any right to lay a hand on a woman, and certainly not one he's marrying in a few days. Whether or not to stay with him is your decision and yours alone... However... if you marry him right now, that argument and his hitting you is always going to overshadow what is supposed to be a very happy day.

Your guests will understand and if they don't, are those the people that you want around supposedly to support your marriage?

Electric Blue

Talk to your mom & dad if you're close to them. They can help.

I wouldn't go through with it personally. That would scare the sh*t out of me.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

*

Zaferus

I've been under incredible stress at certain points in my life, financial, family, and marital and my wife has said and done some terrible things - but I've never even dreamed of hitting her at ANY point in time. So it's hard to imagine the position you're in right now JUST before the wedding.

- The easiest thing to do is to not say anything and let the wedding happen. But it's likely that in a few months you'll be making more excuses as to why he's hitting you.

- The hardest thing you can do is to try to figure out what you're going to tell everyone why the wedding is off and walk away from it.

- The compromising thing you can do is to tell your fiance in no uncertain terms the next time he hits you will be the last day of your marriage. If he understands this and is sincere then you could forgive him for this one transgression. But if he does hit you again, you need to be ready to stand up for yourself and walk away or the abuse cycle will never end.

duce2ten

boy tuff call honey,if it was me and as u say he never did it b4 ,not even yelled at you idd lean to giving him a chance make it crystal clear to him that was his ONE and ONLY get out of jail free card .if he ever did it again leave no questions asked!!

jinx_plm

DON'T DO IT!

MrS HiGHtoWeR

I think that if you feel like he will never ever do it again and you can still feel safe around him and you don't want to leave him, then get married. But, since he was beaten as a child and now that he has hit you, he needs to get help. He needs to talk to someone. I would say if he doesn't agree to get some kind of help, even though its only happened once, I wouldn't marry him. And if you no longer feel safe with him, don't marry him. But I believe that were humans and sometimes we make really really dumb mistakes, and for the majority of men, they will do it again, but then there are some that made a really dumb mistake and won't do it again. So you know him, you know you, it's up to you to decide whether or not you still trust him physically, and if you do, definitely have him talk to someone to make sure that he won't be stupid again. And make that very clear!

odessa2469

WOW that's alot of pressure on you both. What a thing to do to their son when the parents can't wait until after your marriage to announce their divorce. It's like they don't want him to be happy. I would suggest that you postpone your wedding,get some counseling for couples and yourselves. Even though he is very frustrated nobody should ever put their hands on you. Warn him that will be the last time he ever does so, grow a back bone and stand up to him. Don't be a wuss, tell him he ever puts his hands on you again for any reason, you will fight back. Don't stand there and take that crap from anyone!!! You don't deserve it. Now, since you have just bought a house together see if you can't work out a room mate situation for the time being. Just until you can work some stuff out through couples counseling. If you don't want to live with him, see if you can't sell him your portion of the house. Don't worry about the other people who have come into town for a wedding, they don't need to know exactly what's going on, just explain some personal issues have arose and you both would like to take some time to work them out. Don't let anyone guilt you into getting married, you will regret it and resent that person even if it is your fiance. Good luck on working things out. Take a deep breath and let it out, things will come through for you both. Sit down with one another and talk this through. Don't make a mistake you'll not be able to correct.

tweetymom35

i hate to burst your bubble but if you marry this guy you are going to wind up getting hurt he may have apologized but he hit you once and trust me if he will do it once he will do it again

esbm_alf

Does he have a history of abuse? If not, I would make an appt with your pastor that is marrying you and talk this out. People make mistakes, especially in the heat of the moment. If he doesn't have a history and he has learned his lesson, I would go ahead and move on w/the wedding. But you need to get this worked out ASAP, so you can enjoy Saturday...congrats and you'll get through this!

rsalinas66

get out now before he gets out of hand

Tim C

Let me put it to you this way. I have been engaged for 3 months now. I live with my fiance and her two kids (from a previous marriage) and things have been great. Last night we attended the braves game and we got into a altercation in front of everyone! To make a long story short she left me in Atlanta at the field and I had to get my friends to take me home. When I got home she started yelling at me telling me that I left her in Atlanta........She is the one that left me there. After a few minutes of back and forth yelling she slapped me hard in the face.

I left first thing this morning.

There is no excuse for anyone to be abusive to anyone. Man vs woman or woman vs man. The bottom line is that if it happens now you can almost expect that it will happen again. I know it's hard. I've been crying all day but I know it's the best thing for me in the long run.

Mommy

Wow girl I am sorry. Ok listen....Befor he hit you he had a split second to think about what he was doing.... He picked the wrong thing. A door a wall a whatever would have been better than YOU.I promise promise promise with all my heart he will do it again. So you can think of every one else and what they are going to think or you can think of you and your future little girl he is going to hit. And....... They are all going to think the same thoughts when you get divorced in a year. Wow we spent all that money to fly down, what about that nice gift we got them. ect.. and.... Marriage is a covenant you make with God about your spouse. NNNNOOOTTTTT to be taken lightly. I am so sorry this is happening to you. This is hard very hard, but now all the people who fly in will be there for support for you. And they will be so proud of you. I will pray for you. Think about the future kids. There is a such thing as a good marriage. Don't start off with the wrong person. I have upset my husband to the end and right when he wants to hit me he leaves or something else. Never should a man hit a lady never.

Insight411

Shelby, huge concern. I always say that you will really see the character of a person when things don't go their way. I guess his is coming out. There is nothing you can tell me that would justify him hitting you. I feel bad for you.

200 people came because they love you, not because they want to see you make a bad decision. This huge flag is telling you "now is not the time!" You need to call this off. People don't go into marriages unhappy and afraid....this should be a time of joy - not doubt.

What you see is what you get. Getting out of marriage is going to be a lot worse than postponing this one. The best time to have your house inspected is before you buy it....not after you move all your stuff inside. Be wise.

ldyleo

Oh hell nah ! my husband has been under alot of stress too and we've had our arguments but never did he even think to hit me. Dont worry about what 200 ppl will say..if he truly loved you he would not hve done it.

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