I'm leaving my husband. Why is it so hard?

Earthy Angel

First, I am going to say just try and stay strong! Believe that it might hurt right now and be hard right now, but in the long run, you will look back on it and realize how much better off you are without him!! I was in a bad marriage, but not nearly THAT bad- and it was difficult at first when it was over, but right now, i am so much better off being out of that relationship. Be strong and if you need someone to talk to make sure you have close friends and family nearby that are willing to listen without giving you their comments and opinions. You will probably miss him for a while, but keep your eyes open and realize that no matter how much you miss him, you dont deserve that kind of treatment or an alcoholic husband. Good luck!

-EA

onecent1232003

i don't know why it is so hard, i too was in a situation like that, after 10 years, i finally did it , i had just remodeled my house & everything, i finally reached my breaking point, i just walked out the door & didnt look back, ......if your ready, just do it & dont look back......................good luck to you!! plus, i was always worried about my stuff i had, but ya know what, leave it! its more fun when your at peace , to go get new stuff again!!

Eyes of Green

It should not be hard, except you still love the man you married but look at the monster he has become and just move on for your own safety.

mmm..whynot

because you have lost yourself while being with him..because you think you will be all alone without his control.. dont be afraid of that....... if you leave you will be able to find a stronger person.. a beatiful person who will be able to put all this behind and learn from it.. he is afraid you will be strong .. its all about control.. he had you controlled before.. you are on your way out..... keep it up...you need to find yourself again and truly be happy.....

Wifa 4 Lifa

Sometimes it's not always easy to do the right thing but we must in order to maintain the integrity of our life and to make ourselves happy. A friend told me once that in order for things to get better they first have to get worse. Do what you feel is right for yourself. Have confidence in yourself and in your decision and stick to it. Nothing is easy in life but if we remain stay strong and confident in ourselves and continue to fight, we know that no matter what obstacles life throws our way, nothing is ever impossible to overcome. And with that being said make your decision and stick to it and know that you'll be just fine. Good Luck!!!!

S K

Because you still have feelings for him.

tuisson

two words: Grey hound.

Mustang Sally

You are doing the right thing by leaving. They always have a way of making you feel guilty about it. You already said you don't trust him so how could you live like that? He is very controlling and you have to realize he will never change! Anyone who would leave someone on the side of the road, stranded, needs to be behind bars! Please don't let him make you feel guilty and don't waste another minute of your time with this man. Life is so short and you deserve to be happy but only you can make that happen. If he doesn't leave you alone, get a restraining order on him, just do what you can to get out of this situation and let his ex have him back. I think you are better than that but I know it won't be easy but trust me, it gets better with time.

Michelle Lynn

You have to go with the gut on if you should leave him or not, but the reason it may feel hard is you might feel worried about how you will make it without the support of a spouse, you may also feel bad about leaving him because you don't want to hurt him. I have a sister in law in this same position, and she said she can't take his drinking anymore, his name calling is horrible, this I have witnessed, and she said the only reason she has not left is, she doesn't want to cause him a heap of pain and she doesn't want to get out on her own and struggle. But she weighed staying or leaving and she said she would rather leave, be broke and be happy, then sad and depressed looking for love in all the wrong places.

I really hope things work out for you, just like my sister in law, you both say you have had enough and can't do it anymore. Good luck with your decisions.

btij06

You need to realize that "YOU" are the most important person in your relationship. You are subconciously letting him control you. Stop listening to what he wants you to hear and listen to yourself. Get out of this situation, if you stay things will more than likely get worse.

candleinthewind7579

Naturally he will try to turn it around on you so that YOU feel like you're the one doing something wrong. That's what control freaks do because they can't accept responsibility for their own actions. You're doing the RIGHT thing by getting out...move on toward a better life

RED M

It's hard to leave because you still have feelings for him. But if he's abusing you, get out before he kills you.

Don't even think about it, just LEAVE!

NOW!

antheia

Love, and memories. There is obviously a part of this relationship that was good and nurturing, or you wouldn't have married him in the first place. He is no longer the man you married, but you still know that somewhere in there is that man that once treated you in a way you deserve, and I think you're holding on because you think that someday he is going to come back. And maybe he will, but does it really make sense to wait around wasting your life being unhappy on the chance that he might decide to turn around and change his life?

You only get one life to live, so you might as well make the best of what you've got left.

daj11551

You don't deserve to be treated in this manner. Get out while you can and don't believe his lies. Being nice is temporary as you know.... Good luck, honey.

advicemom

maybe you just feel guilt about your marriage not working. you don't want to be a "failure". but it sounds like leaving is the right thing. also, change is hard, even a change for the better. sometimes it's easier to stay where you are, even if it's a bad situation. good luck.

JayNell

My best friend had a hard time leaving her controlling husband, and i think it is becuase he knows you so well that it is easy for him to say things that really hit your heart. And no matter what he is your husband and there is love involved but you need to stand tall and think of all the reasons this is right and realize it is going to hurt but in ten years these years will just be memories. I hope you find your inner strength and stand up for yourself because no one diserves to be treated badly by someone who says they love them. Good luck to you

ben2pep

I imagine that you still love him even tho he does these bad things to you. That would make it very hard to leave him but I think you do need to leave him at least for a while and see if he can change his life around to help you instead of making you feel bad and guilty. Good luck

classy&sassy

You are making the right move and in due time you will not feel this way anymore. You probably have low self esteem but once you are away from him you need to surround yourself with friends and family who love and care about you. Pamper yourself because you deserve it..........good luck

homie_j

Well I think that you just need to grow some balls and leave. I know it is hard because you love him and yall have history but girl you have to start loving yourself. You know he dont make you happy. Who would be happy with that kind of life. I know I wouldnt. I remember i was in the same situation. My EX was on drugs and he cheated and beated me but I got away and learned that I am worth so much more. So you need to open you eyes and get the strenght to walk out that door and never come back and realize that you are worth being happy too. Dont ever move backward only forward. Remember that!!!!! If I did then you can do it.

just me

It's hard because change is scary. Don't let him manipulate you. You are making the right choice.

skigrrl66

Well, if he was your first husband, I can understand. He was your first true love and you really thought the marriage would work out and made lots of strong ties. Its hard to break those ties now that you are leaving him and you are probably very dissapointed and saddened that the marriage didn't work out. Although he sounds like not such a great guy, you used to love him more than anything, right? I'm sorry it didn't work out...:-( but I totally understand how you feel. Keep on doing counseling - it helped my aunt get through a tough divorce. In the end, you know its definitely the best for both of you and you should have no regrets.

killer boot

it is familiar, it is someone that at one time you shared something special with, that thing was probably what attracted you to him in the first place.

that thing sounds overshadowed by a lot of negative B.S.
and it will take time to heal....
it helped me to make a list named 'whys' that whenever i feel like oh it's a good idea for me to get back with her, i pull out the list and remember things like, "took your whiskey and didn't replace it" or "left you on the floor bleeding"....
time is the best thing...

Psycho

wow, deja vu for me. for the most part, fear of the unknown keeps us hesitating. but an abusive relationship, whether verbal or physical, never changes. how long you want to deal with this man and not be happy? I suggest you find a way to leave and don't look back. I'm there now, after 17 years and he refuses to quit his behavior, it's always me that is the screw up. someone told me that I need counseling
jeez. Get away from him. It's hard, but in the long run, well worth it....good luck.....

~just_jd~

and why would it be so hard , if he is such an a_ss to you? you don't trust him...you didn't have to go any farther than that. why bother anymore? just go your seperate way an good luck to you in the future , hope you make better choices next time.

Dovie

You can do it. You are co-dependent (probably subconsciously) and for some reason need the drama.

I (and millions of other woman) have gotten out of the same situation. You just need to stay away from him physically and on the phone etc. If you distance yourself, you will see the pain more clearly and be able to think straight. You will hurt, no doubt, but you will also be calmer and more able to get along in life without the baggage of the constant problems and crises.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Trey

dammm... he's got you under control. That's all I can say

jwb674

Because its never fun to change and its worse to have to end something that you've wanted to work fro so long. Its natrual for it to be hard, but based on what you've said, you need to leave regardless of how hard it is.

monica b

Of course it's hard. You didn't marry him expecting to get divorce. Everybody get married thinking and wanting that forever. It's hard cause you feel something for him cause no matter what he means something for you and he's part of your life. It's hard but you have to love yourself more than anything else. If you don't love yourself who will?. We don't get married to get divorced and also we don't live to be suffering and be unhappy.

Whisper J

My husband is so mean to me, and trust me I just like you deserve so much better then what we got. But to answer the question, "Why is it so hard?"
No matter what through all the bad, and the hate you probably have for him. There is still love! I love my husband with all of my heart. He is a good father, and that is about it. But he is all that I have known, all that I want to know, and same for our kids.
LOVE..... The knowing how it used to be, and how you wish it could be like that still. Or knowing it was like that so you hold on waiting for it to be that way again.
My husband is my heart, and soul! Without him I would die! He is not worth my time, energy, tears etc. But I want him to be the man he was when we first were.
I know how you feel completely! In time though it will all become easier. Just cut it and cut it quick and clean. Change everything about you, your hair, your clothes, your car, how you act. Who you are friends with, what you do with your spare time. All of that trust me will help!
I am sorry I cannot be of more assistance to you. The best of luck!

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