I'm miserable in my marriage! What should I do?

bestadvicechick

Honey, it sounds like you are too young and immature to be married. Marriage takes responsibility, accountability, and being truthful with your partner. It was wrong of you to just quit your job with no discussion. Think of it from your husband's perspective. You quit your job because you didn't like it? That's a very immature thing to do when the reality is there are bills to be paid. Life is hard sometimes....and sometimes you have to do a job you don't like WHILE you look for a better job that you do like. It's extremely irresponsible to do that when you're in a partnership like marriage. Your husband now probably feels alot of financial pressure since you've taken away your income without so much as a discussion with him. That is why he's so upset. The least you could have done was be responsible and look for another job while you were still employed so your family didn't have to go with only his income. He's already working 2 jobs and then you go and do this? It's obvious the 2 of you are too young and immature to be in a marriage.....for instance, running off after highschool to get married? Yes, your mom has every right to be upset. You threw away your future on a romantic whim without the FIRST CLUE what it took to be in a marriage. Now, you've made the mistake and have to deal with it the best you can. I suggest you buy and read some good books on how to make marriage work. And in the meantime, GET A JOB to help ease your husband's stress. When you're making some money, it will ease the stress on you both and then you can sit down and make a financial plan together....and you can make an education plan to get back on track for a REAL career which I know is what you want. You may just have to be ok with a grocery store type job while you look for something else.

Flower Girl

You should feel horrible, and you are selfish and spoiled. Here he is working 2 jobs and you can't even keep one! You are veing to picky, you didn't go to college and you don't sound all that bright. What kind of job did you think you were going to get? Grow up, be responsible and quit blaming him for all the problems!

Earl

Perhaps if you had gone to college you wouldn't have to work in a grocery store. Sounds like you made your choice when you eloped. Time to grow up and behave like an adult. Your husband is working two jobs and you think your too good to work at one.

free_angel

I'm going to be very blunt with you. Your husband is busting his *** working 2 jobs and you're whining about a job. Grow up. Without a college education, that cashier job that you look down on might be the only one available to you. Welcome to the real world.

Median

Maybe if you got a real job your husband wouldn't have to work 2 jobs and this wouldn't be a problem.

udokno

Only a month and your miserable. You should have never gotten married. Did you ever think that now that you are not working he has no choice but to work 2 jobs. Sorry honey, but I'm on his side and I'm a women. And there is nothing wrong with working in a grocery store. It is a job that is neccasary. I did it for 19 years before I found the perfect job not in retail. What should you do? Get a flippin' job and grow up.

And Hey to Just Wondering.....don't get scared not all marriages start out like that. Just remember to love and respect each other.

sharmel

You were not ready for marriage, and you still don't have a clue what it's even about. You were fascinated with the idea of GETTING married, not BEING married. Two very different things. The two of you are never going to make it, so you may as well do the smart thing for both of you and quit.

Who wants to work in a grocery store? Well you should have thought of that before you gave up on college. If you had gone on with that plan and worked hard to make something of yourself, the grocery store gig wouldn't be happening.

The one UNselfish thing you can do right now is give yourself, and this man freedom from this non-marriage before you make things worse by getting pregnant.

D.C

If you aint happy, see about an anullment. If its to late for that get a divorce. Why let your husbund waste any more time on you? He could find someone easy to take care of and be EQUAL with.

Ben H

Hmmmm!! I think your mom was right. You should have gone to college so you would have the education needed to get a job doing something you love rather than working in a grocery store. But since you chose the hard road you should take the job at the grocery store while looking for something else. This would allow you to help be productive and and solve the argument with Hubby!

Eva

Oh My - - - So you are just out of High School and decided to get married - Love was in the air and it seem like a novel idea I suppose.

Did you two discuss the future
How long were you engaged

If you are in a house or an apartment - there are bills to be paid and right now it's not about comfort - if about not getting in debt or being evicted -

Did either of you get counseling before you got married

You got married for the wrong idea and now that it's not going according to your plan you want out - Are you selfish . . . hmmm . . . did you listen to your Vows - If you love each other you will have to realize that you have to work together in order to make it work - there must be balance - or if won't work.
He can't work 2 jobs while you don't work and He can't work all the time or you will end up cheating on him - or he will get tired of your antics and cheat on you

Both of you need a mediator - in order to save your marriage or to end it (annulment) before it becomes "War or the Roses".

Good Luck

Briana

Been there done that! I quit my job 3 months after we got married, and we were fighting almost daily! But, we are now happily married! I started thinking, if I loved him enough to marry him, there must be something special about him! You just have to try and find it again! It might be hard, but you have to admit that you love him! Try turning off the TV's, computer, and the phones for a night and try and make the night all about the 2 of you! No One Else! I think it's too soon to give up! Marriage is not easy, you have to work at it! Nothing worth having is ever easy!!! I hope this helps!

yellow72lemans

As someone who married at 18 (rather than go away to college) and has been unhappy for the past 42 years, MY advice is for you to get out ASAP. I'm still miserable but have three sons and 5 grandchildren, which only complicates my situation more. Run, honey, RUN!

mamabear

Get a job. Your poor husband is working two jobs and doesn't have the luxury of saying I don't like this job, I quit. If you want to go to school, go part time but come on, get a job and help him with the finances.

rachael m

You know what, me and my husband went through the same thing. It seems like he wanted me to get a job so that I would have to pay for my own things.
I mean if you have no bills he shouldnt be so pissed about you not having a job. Find what YOU like. I work in a retail store "Chilrensplace" and I love it.
Dont make yourself miserable. You should be happy not sad your whole marriage.

Mischa

WOW.

first off, he's right your being spoiled..get a JOB or go to SCHOOL. don't just sit on your *** crying all day because you missed out on school cause you thought it'd be fun to get married. this guy is obviously working two jobs for a reason...because you dont have one...maybe if you got a job he wouldn't have to work to jobs? go work at f*cken target or anything...just make some money and contribute to the household you started.

STOP YOUR B*TCHING

drvic3

You should sit down with your husband,try to talk with him not at him.Tell him how you feel,If you love him you can work this out,love must be the union for ever marriage,talk with someone who can help and not judge.You should read the Bible to gather,it has find counsel that can help you and your husband.if you love him and he loves you you can make this work,but you have to work it,Don't let the marriage work you.

You should have told him you wanted to quit your job beforehand. Then he could have helped you find another job that you liked. That way, you would have included him in the decision making and the two of you would have worked this problem out. but you didn't. that is why he is calling you selfish. I must agree with your husband. You are not single anymore. You have a husband now and everything you do affects him as well as you! You are a team and you need to keep that in mind always. You will really need to be a team when you have kids! You don't need to get a divorce. You probably got married too young but you need to shape up. Apologize for leaving him out in the cold and promise to always count him in and he will do the same for you! Give him a big hug and tell him to forget the grocery store job and to help you find a job you will be happy with.

Sean T

Listen ,you are still young you two need to sit down and really talk. Find out is this really what both of you really want Life is too short to be miserable. Health wise, mentally, etc. Main thing COMMUNICATE

Monica C

It sounds like you are very young. And although people say that you should not get married so young, what's done is done. You are married now, no matter what. There are two solutions for your problem. Either get divorced or work hard to stay married. The choice is yours, but the two of you need to be in this together. Too many people are giving up on marriage, and not trying to work things out because it is too hard for them to deal with their own issues. By no means bring a child into this relationship if there isn't one already; take extra precautions. Your husband sounds like he is working his butt off to support both you and him. He is probrobly upset because he feels like the only one in this relationship working, and not feeling appreciated. The two of you really should have talked about this before you even considered marriage. Today is different, and the wife does not always stay home, because it is too expensive. You have entered the real world, now you have to deal with it. He is your husband, not your parent! He is not just going to support you financially just because you are married. You need to pull your own weight as well. If you have the opportunity to go to college, I would discuss this with your husband, and see if this is a viable option for the both of you. In the long run, you will both benefit from your education. So long as you both have the same or similar ambitions, you will make it. I would go see a marriage therapist, to help you two communicate your thoughts, feelings, and wants. But most importnat you need to communicate with each other. Find the people you were when you were dating, and fell in love. Marriage is not easy nor a bed of roses, but it is worth the struggles. Good luck!

CZ94

Wow, bummer. Guess what, Chica? A job is a job. Take what you can get or you'll get nothing in return. But your marriage might be able to be anulled if it's only been a month, look into it.

baby boo

why dont you take some time to think things over..maybe you can still go to college. were you even ready to get married? i dont think any of the advice about divorce is good...

Momof2inLa

Get over it, grow up and deal with all the stresses of married life...u picked this life...it is not easy...that is what marriage is: UPS and DOWNS, but always being there for each other.

Figure out how to MAKE IT WORK.

Your mom can be pissed all she wants, you made the choice of eloping, now a married woman and mom HAS TO DEAL WITH IT.

Sunset

1 month lol. Your out of work. First find a job. Then save some money get a lawyer and a divorce. I suggest not remarrying. Your not the type. After a month you already want to separate.

Jeffsgal

He's working 2 jobs to support you and you're whining cause you dont wanna be a cashier? The work is too hard? Oh my god give me a break. It was your choice to do this, to marry, now you have to pitch in and do your part. Have you ever heard the saying about making your bed?

whatever441

dont' be cheating on him...thats waht most women do...

maria

When your in love all you can think about is how much you want to be with the other person. Sometimes you get so excited about the thought of getting married that you forget that once you are married you have to work on keeping the marriage going. Alot of couples arent sure what do do after the wedding day. They forget to discuss whats going to happen because they spend months talking about the actual wedding day. Maybe you went into this marriage with high expectations and it isnt what you thought it was going to be like. Marriage isnt easy. In fact, the first year is usually the hardest. The decisions you each make from now on affect two people now instead of one. You need to sit down and talk with him, but try and do it when neither one of you is angry. You have to learn early on that marriage needs to have good communication. Without it, you are in trouble. Tell him that you want to be open about how you feel about whats going on. When you get your chance then let him do the same about how he feels. Just hear each other out first. What do you expect from one another? Fighting doesnt solve anything but talking does. Good luck to you...Im sure things will get better. Think positive and do your best to move forward..

renae2007_1986

just get an anulment from ur marraige. you shouldahve stayed in school and not gotten married. he is mean to you and its only gonna gt worse. if you want to keep him then gt a job and stay with it if not get an anulment and move on

rogueriverbob

life is work, get use to it, it is what people do,.....do you think every one loves their jobs??,.....there have been many days i did not want to go to work, but i do it anyway,.....get another job, and help contribute to your family,.....

mmurray001

You don't need me to be judgmental just be able to say a kind word for you. This is what happens when you give up your dreams to be with someone who you love so you think and you turned down a job at grocery store and you had a big fight over it because he is working two jobs and not even helping out that's why he is mad. If you didn't want to work at grocery store than you should have finish your education still need money to live off of. Now your miserable who's fault is that you cant blame that on anyone but you. Your not mature enough to handle responsibility.

best of luck

onceisenoughilearnedmylesson

Get out ! Annullment or divorce. The longer you stay , the harder it is to leave.

cadguy

your the reason why you fight. Your husband works two jobs to support your ass. Maybe if you quit whining online, and get a real job and split the financial obligations. instead you quit, because your a typical woman who wants her cake and eat it too... men dont want to work all the time. we want to be home, happy, loved and not worry about finances. get off your ass and help out.

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