I'm so sad and need some help... about my husband?

i feel so depressed and sad, and having no one to talk to is driving me insane!

I can't stop thinking that my husband is just being so selfish and it breaks my heart.
here is the whole story...

i left the comfort of family and friends to move up to where he lived and marry him... at first we were going to have a real wedding with family and friends.. (which i knew he didn't want) but after a while i decided it would be better to have a small court house wedding and save the money. LATER however, i asked if we could go ahead with a real one, and he said there was no chance he would do that.
well.. my husband is very shy and doesn't like to put himself in situations that are the least bit uncomfortable, so he didn't want my family there...

since my family was in a different country at the time it didn't really seem to matter if they came for a 15min wedding thing.. and i, like an idiot, just wanted to make my husband happy... so my family didn't come.

its been nearly 6 months now, and i'm planning on making a 12 hour trip to go meet my family and spend some time with my brothers... i really wanted my hubby to come.. but nope, not a chance.

two of my brothers are getting married in Aug. and i can't help but feel extreamly jealous and sad that they get to experiance a real wedding sorounded by friends and family... and i didn't.
i'm going to be there when they get married.. but my husband wont.. again.

he won't have anything to do with my family and it makes me so extreamly sad! i don't know what to do! is he really going to be that selfish?

i know i shouldn't have played into him being shy from the begining... but really! shouldn't he want to make me happy? i seem to give and give from my heart to him, and when i ask for something that would mean the world to me... its a flat out no.

someone help me feel a little bit better about all this please :(
Additional Details
i'm not going to leave him, so please no more answers like that.
I really wanted some words of comfort.. anyways, thanks everyone, i'll have to figure it out on my own.

mandy.

if i was yu i would break up with him im sorry but i really dont htinkhes worthy of you
if he loved you he would sacrifice and od things he didnt want to
being shy is not a excuse.

Sarafina

You've given him the impression that he's in control! Now, he's taking control all the time. You should set boundaries/expectations from the get go. Anyhow, you need to have a serious conversation about these things with him and let him know how much he's hurting you. I'll be very surprised if he makes changes based on what you've said. You may want to consider counseling or termination of this marriage if he doesn't change his ways.

You don't have a marriage right now. Marriage is give and take...sacrifice and compromise.

melizza

You can have a big wedding with your second husband because you will probably end up divorced.

David B

you assume the condition that your husband is "shy." Do you have other evidence of this? And if he is so shy, how did he win your affection?

gismo

How can someone make you feel good about compromising who you are for a person who is so self absorbed he cannot see beyond his needs to care for yours much less recognize your selfless acts of love. In my opinion this is a union destined for failure or for a deep depression for you. Somewhere you got things wrong, loving someone does not mean you have to sacrifice all that you are and your happiness to be with him, and get nothing in return. What does he do to make you happy cause you don't seem to be, and unfortunately your husband doesn't seem to care that when you need him to show you his love and support he just doesn't care. I suggest you spend that small amount of time away from him to reconsider things, and to go back and make some demands, cause a marriage is not all one sided, it cannot work with one always giving and the other taking, that is something else and you deserve far greater than that. I feel you, I too have sacrificed for my marriage, I left my home and went far away to be with the man I love, but he gives me so much back that 10 years later I do not regret a single thing, and would change nothing. You must feel terribly alone and there is nothing worse, go home surround yourself with the people you love, let it remind you that, that is how you should feel everyday (okay so to speak, we all have off days even in the best of marriages) there where you are. Just because you have started off wrong does not mean you have to continue down this path, stop right now, think hard about what you need, remind yourself that you deserve happiness and demand, step up, demand it, stop waiting for some magical enlightment to occur, either he cares and will reciprocate or does not, can not, does not want to, what ever the case may be, better now than later, the years fly by, and there is nothing worse than to let 10 years fly away and you look back and think wow, I was miserable then and look and me now, I am still miserable. Your husband seems to have no guilt for taking without giving back, and don't for one second believe that he doesn't realize that you are hurting when he lets you down. Stop making excuses for him being inconsiderate, you only do this so you can make the bitter medicine go down for yourself. Point is you don't have to take this, start believing you deserve better than this, if you believe it, you will demand it, and those around you will understand how they should treat you, those who cannot stand it will fall away, but better this than to be in a marriage and to feel alone. Best of luck, please think about this stuff, Congratulations on you siblings forthcoming marriages, go home, enjoy yourself and demand to be loved the way you need to be!

xcakies666 is due on halloweenx

hun, you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel, tell him you understand that he is shy and gets uncormfortable around large crowds-but this is ur family!!!

remind him gently that you didnt have ur family around you on the most important day of ur life, the day you were marryin the man you love-again gently remind him that you did it for him and would really appriecate him supporting you while your brothers get married!!!

does it know how you feel about this lovely?

if you need to talk more-email me ok lovely!!!

good luck and i hope u sort this situation out *BIG CUDDLES*

png234

i think that he all about himself and doesnt really care how you feel..i would tell him how i feel and then if he doesnt understand i think i would consider leaving him..i know that it will be hard but you have to do what makes you happy.

McQueen~PrayingGod~CountingWeeks

honey... i can understand how u feel.. i ve been thr when my mom faced the sitation.. u knw wat.. it still continues.. my dad doesnt want my mom to go her birth place have a day with her bros' n mom.. our home is abt 1.30 hrs travel from my granmom's home.. but still she used to there after work ,spend 1 or 2 hrs and come back to home.. when my dad knws tht she has gone there, there comes a big arguement.. now he s going to be a grandpa and he s still the same..

now my husband , he also is like the same, he never wants to stay at our home, he wont eat properly, my mom used to prepare big spl meals for him but he didnt eat any.. now that we r in different country and he realises wat he did.. but once we go there he will start his action like dog tail. we have no particular reason these men r lik this..

i am not sure if my answer made u even a bit comfortable but i jus want to tell u, its just not u... there are many women with same situation but not sharing... start talking abt the fun moments u had when u were a kid.. one day he will understand.. dont worry!!!!

Bailey

You should really tell him how you feel- like show him this or something. And make sure that he gets that if he won't see your family, then you can't be with him (or however you really feel).

Smile

My dear, he loved you and married you. And to save his money, you sacrificed lot of enjoyment of marriage ceremony. Now , its his turn to make you happy. Marriage is a bond of love. From both the ends, there should be love and sacrifices. Tell him, what you did for his happiness. And you want to see your parents and brothers , and he should be agreeing to this. I think by saying he is shy, he has controlled you completely. Tell him, you need to go and you want him to go with you. Tell him atleast to get blessings from your parents, he must go.
I will pray for you. Good luck.

My deepest sympathies to you. Good luck in the future.

njoyabl

Okay, so you want this marriage to work, but it is almost like he wants you to be estranged from your family. The next best thing is counseling. First you should see counseling for yourself, so that you can grasp at some really important things that need to be discussed, because if it is one thing there is always another. You are sad and depressed, so take care of your side first to build up the energy that you need to handle the situationg better. Then I think that you should talk to your husband about seeing a marriage counselor, because he really needs to be made aware of his behavior. Sometimes, your spouse telling you what you are doing isn't right just doesn't break the ice. Do not stop seeing your family just because he doesn't want to. If he comes to that point where he doesn't want you to see them, then I can say that he is really trying to take control of you. I don't know what kind of relationship you have besides what you have given, but make sure that you don't break that bondage with your family, because they know you and have been there for you, and will when your spouse is not.

Patricia M

Look, you married a selfish husband... you really only have yourself to blame. Guys like this, DON'T CHANGE! They never want to do ANYTHING they don't want to do, even if it would make you happy.

The only thing I can say is talk to your husband... just don't be surprised if you get a selfish reaction.

I dated a guy like this for about six months before I realized WHAT he was. I always wanted to go see my family and he would make excuses as to why he/we couldn't. But when it came to HIS family WE ALWAYS had to be there. He never helped me out financially for the trips either, even when I tell him I don't have enough money... I STILL HAD TO GO. I made many sacrifices and he never made any.

The truth is he is not shy, he is selfish. If you have accepted this behaviour as part of his personality, then you will accept you will not change it now.

You say you left the comfort of friends and family , they still want you at the wedding so they have accepted your choice to move away to marry the man you love, The will in the same way accept that you are coming to the wedding without him.

Don't be sad about it, your husband is not making you fell bad about you going, that's because he does love you, but does not want to waste his personal time on things that hold not interest for him.

Some people are not brave enough to say they do not want to go, or are uninterested, and they consent to accompany you and bring the mood of that party down and you will have a miserable time and even an argument!.

There are many levels of selfishness, remember too that you know he is not interested in your family, he loved YOU and married YOU not them. So don't be selfish asking him to go with you.

Have a wonderful time on your own :-)

Danismum

weddings are very expensive. do you really want to spend thousands on a 1/2 day celebration? seems like a waste to me.

Cearaxo

to long to read sorry

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: