I'm such an a.sshole, should I send him an email or just leave it?

I can't believe I said the things I did to my fiance today. Right now it's long distance, due to the military. Since he just moved to the base where he's at, he doesn't have internet [lives off base] so we talk through his military email address when he's at work. Anyways, we had a rough month but we're working through. He has a good friend that he moved off base with and he also now has another roommate who is a girl. I was all okay with it because I trust him. Anyways last night, I guess I was having an insecure moment and I wanted to ask him more about this girl. He told me her name and asked why it mattered. Then I just said, I thought maybe she was the reason he ignored me last month for a bit. He said no, he's not attracted to her, shes just a girl he went to tech school with like 2.5 years ago. I feel really bad for assuming sh!t, he got upset or it seemed like it. He's off work now, and this is going to bug me. I don't know whether I should send him an email tomorrow or not explaining this.

Should I email him telling him I'm sorry or should I just leave it? I don't know what to do, I feel so awful.. and so freaking stupid for saying any of this sh!t and if I could I would take it back...

thanks
hollyy
Additional Details
no he's not ******** her

Inked Krys

it's normal to feel insecure because of the distance but i do think you should talk it out & try to fix it... keep in mind that things aren't easy for him either to be with out you so do yer best & explain things & also have him make you feel secure about the situation...just remember that everything will work out in the end, yer getting married soon & you'll be with him soon...be patient & just remind him how much you love him..

heretoasku

you wont want to hear this, but please listen. PLEASE!

don't be naive please!!! the army pays for phone/internet/tv for soldiers living ON OR OFF BASE! They can call anywhere within the United States from their home phones FREE OF CHARGE! If they are stationed overseas, for an extra 5.00/month they can call the us FREE OF CHARGE. Please listen, you are on here for advice and I need you to listen. My husband, before we were married, was stationed in TX with me in Illinois he lived on base at first and when he moved off base he made one call from his DSN line (the internal Military line) and had his phone/internet/tv hooked up within the day with free long distance. He was then moved to Germany and lived on base, then off base, and now back on base all 3 of those moves he had everything hooked up within one day the Military takes care of it as soon as you call them and long distance is just a given!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if he is stationed in the US. This story seems all too convenient. Plus, off base or not, it takes a lot for a female solider to live with a male solider and it just seems as i said really easy that you cant call or email him at home. Think it over, I think you have nothing to say sorry about and he needs to do some heavy duty explaining. My husband is high enough rank that if you tell me where he is stationed (what base) we can tell you everything about hooking up the phone/internet in his off base living.

pookiebear

I noticed how you left responses for some answers you got and it seems almost as though you were sitting there waiting to argue with anyone who pointed out things that could very possibly be happening. I really hope you take the time to read through all of the answers you get, including the negative ones, which tend to be the most honest. You don't have to like the responses, but it wouldn't hurt you to read them and maybe learn from them.

If I were you, I'd be very concerned with HIS behavior and not your own. You did nothing wrong by asking him questions about his living arrangements. Wouldn't he do the same if you were living with a man he had never even met? And, why is he living with a female to begin with? Is it necessary? Does he (or she) have no other options? Does he understand that it makes you uncomfortable?
Also, I can't believe he actually asked you why it mattered that he tell you her name!!! I'm sure he had no problem telling you the male roommate's name, right? I guess your fiance doesn't want you asking too many questions about the girl he's living with. Think about that for a moment.

Needless to say, when I read that, well, a red flag was raised. You didn't even need to keep writing after that. The way he responded to your valid question(s) was not normal behavior and is indicative of guilt or something along those lines. People who aren't guilty of things don't get defensive and question your curiosity, which should have been expected, as you are his fiance. Maybe he isn't necessarily guilty of cheating, but he's definately hiding something. By the way, it's good to trust people, but never 100%. That's just not reasonable. Your feelings of worry or concern about what is happening with your fiance are normal and exist in order to help protect you. Feelings and vibes are similar to animal instincts and help guide and direct us away from bad situations. Don't be too anxious to dispose of all your worst fears; they could be indeed happening.

Lily

I would email him with an apology if you truly feel he is not cheating. I've been in a long distance relationship too and trust is a must! They can't work without it. Personally if I were you, I would email an apology because he would deserve it and it would help ease the guilt of making a accusation without all the facts. Good luck. Hope you work it out!

frawlicious

You should email him back and apologize. It will clear the air.

Danichony

Email him. Tell him all. How you feel. Honesty is the best thing you can do.

Amy

I just want to say you have no reason to apologize. I know if my husband was living with a girl, I'd be asking questions left and right. And I'd probably even ask him if he could find a different room mate. But I've been cheated on and hurt several times. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know it's hard. But from what I read you seriously have nothing to apologize about. You were just asking who she was. I'm sure this didn't help much but hope it helped a little. Good luck with everything. Hope it all works out for you.

cap

Honestly you should just do what makes you feel better. There is nothing you can do to change what has been done so now you just need to get yourself over it. If you think that email is going to make you feel better then do it.

amare

Tell him how you feel and that you are sorry. Why don't you two talk to each other on the phone instead of just emailing?

Ray

I would never take a girl as a roommate. It always ends up looking bad, even if there's no seminal fluid exchange. Did he include you in the decision making process?

nelly01756

There is no reason for you to feel sorry about inquiring who this girl is. If my husband lived with some other girl (unless he was assigned to live with some girl due to the army for some odd reason) i would be highly pissed.
It's not about trust or no trust, it's about the simple fact that if you are engaged you really shouldn't live with another female.. that's just odd. Could he not find another male roommate?
When my husband was deployed, he always asked questions when I was out with guys, and I loved to answer because I never had to lie or anything, I told him exactly what was going on, every single time we talked.

This situation seems a bit odd. But you don't have to apologize for asking questions. He's behaving wierdly if he truly got mad at you for asking.

Salacious Crumb

[1] he's porking her

[2] send him a card from pickleparty . com - damn those are funny!

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