I'm trying to not fall apart.?

Cameo

You argued over something stupid.
He splashed water on you and you stormed out.
Then, later, you wrote him a note?

Sounds like somebody got married too young and/or for the wrong reasons. These kinds of problems are the result of making bad decisions. You're going to have to learn to deal with them like adults.

By the way, most guys don't want to sit and read a novel that's all about your feelings or relationship woes. They are much less emotional creatures than women are. They're wired differently and they think differently.

What was the initial argument about? Clearly, your husband's patience had been tested before the splashing incident, and the silly argument was the last straw.

Part of being an adult is recognizing and dealing with the real issue.

VanMan_30

First thing you need to do is communicate. Get him to sit down and tell you exactly what he sees wrong with your relationship. You also need to be fully open with him and tell him what you see wrong. Then work on fixing those problems. And KEEP communicating. Don't keep things bottled up. Outside help can do wonders. You really need to push that.

daddy280

One quick question (hopefully i am not prying) but how long were you together before you got married?

newstarter

I hope you resolve your problems. Do your best to stay calm. Remember you are only responsible for yourself and your child in this situation - try not to control what he does or says, but make it clear you still love him. Get appropriate support for yourself - don't demand that he should. Hope for the best but prepare for all possibilities. Have faith - pray to God for a solution.

ActivelyRegressive

The real problem is running when there is no problem to begin with. I think maybe you were being to sensitive. My opinion is if you think you need outside help and you havent been married this long at all you have bigger issues. I think couples need to learn to work out their differences without pulling additional people into the mix. If you do not realise this, when you took off you also took his child with you and that really isn't fair either. Learn to stick it out and cope, you will always have disagreements over stupid things. Just don't run off, that is the faith a family should have in one another.

lovely11

I went through the same situation as you. My husband did not come home one night from partying (3 weeks before christmas) and got mad at me because when i got him on the phone the next morning I was mad and I did not ask him if he was ok?? He told me he did not love me anymore and would not agree to work things out. He was so cold and mean to me. My daughter and I moved out on New years Day. I found out after I had moved that he was seeing the bartender at his favorite bar, he even saw her the day his wife and child moved to another state. My point is.....I think you can only be so cold and mean to someone when you have someone else lined up. They use the smallest argument or problem to justify their actions and blame you. I think he might be cheating on you. I think you did the right thing by leaving as you do not know where the fight would have gone. You did not take his child from him, you just left to let things cool off. I am sorry you are going through this right now. I will tell you that we were separted for 6 months, got back together, had another baby and are separated once again. They never change. I would suggest checking to see if he is having an affair. Who would throw their wife and child away over an argument? Please take care and keep your chin up.

sugar

if he doesnt want to work it out then it makes things really tough, something you need to ask yourself is are you really trying to fix it because your scared to be a single mom and be lonely, or because you really love him? What is better for your daughter? its better to come from a broken home rather then to live in one. a baby can put a ton of stress on a relationship and so your right the fighting may be from being new parents, not that she is the problem, just us as adults kind of take our frustrations out on each other and never seems that either on of the parents work is divided equally. its tough and my heart goes out to you. maybe instead of begging, get a babysitter and go on a date just the two of you!!!! discuss things when you both have cooled down and everytime you hear his voice getting that nasty tone keep your mouth shut, dont get back at him just say I understand. Its learning how to fight not how you can win it. Men are dense sorry to say so there specific ways to fight with them . PS your not alone, find a support group or email me although I am not in the same situation I have been there before.

fishlips

Did you contact him at all when you were gone for two days with the baby? If not, that could have freaked him out completely. I agree it was rude to splash you in the face, but you shouldn't have left that long either. I agree you both need counseling, but if he won't go there isn't really anything you can do. I do agree with the others that he might be having an affair and looking for a way out. It's strange he would treat you that rudely if he loved you.

Hope

ur right that does sound stupid....1. you shouldn't have left he is gonna think that every time there is a lil battle ur gonna pack up and leave. 2...u took his daughter away for 2 days he is mad right now and he will soon get over it, give him time. the situation was so small and it got blown outta the water. Ignore him but don't leave he'll come around. good luck next time instead of leaving splash him back

Now What?!!

Let him cool down. If he loves you he will not leave you for that. Think before you leave for a few days. You should have stayed and worked it out. You leaving like that will give him the right to leave as well. That is a dangerous game and there are consequences to it. He was wrong but what was the reason for him splashing water in your face? Once you get married all of the pride and "I" goes out of the window. Your marriage will be alright. You two have to get use to each other and the baby. Think before you speak and don't leave unless you really have to.

jenny c

Give him time to cool off. Don't beg him. He is being stubborn. People should never use the word divorce unless they mean it. It sounds as if there is more going on than just what you have typed. I am sure that you can go on and on. Communication is the best thing for a relationship. I think you walking out for a cool down was a good idea. He splashed water on you, that could mean that he was extremely frustrated and it could have led on to something more voilent. Not every body is violent but sometimes when a person has had their buttons pushed then a person can snap. Even just going into another room to cool down is good. Do you feel safe around him? I would just give him time and let him come to you. Men are prideful things sometimes.

alyssa_687

Tell him that if he refuses counceling than he needs to sit down and have talk with you about your marriage, and he needs to be an adult while doing so. Tell him that he needs to do it if not for your marriage than for the sake of your daughter. She is WAY too young to be around fighting parents like that. Although many people think children hardly know anything, they are smarter than we think and I am sure she can sense the anger and stress between you and your husband. You need to go back home and try to talk to him, if he won't listen and make a compromise than he's the one who needs to leave. Afterall, you and your daughter need a place to stay and I wouldn't let him make you leave.
Good luck!

Trigger

That's so hard - I really do feel bad for you... I think you're right to right a note. What you should do is write a long, heartfelt letter and sit beside him when he's reading it. Sometimes it's better to write it all out, as he can't interrupt you or argue with you as with a normal conversation; he just gets to see on paper exactly how you feel. I would suggest starting from the very beginning. Draw his attention to the good times you've had, all the moments you've shared etc. Then go on to talk about the problems and how they make you feel; don't go on the attack. Tell him that you accept that the problems are a two way street and that you and he need to meet halfway to solve these problems and compromise to make it work. Then, hopefully, you'll be sitting beside him when he finishes reading the letter, so it will be easier for you both to talk....

jessie

i think you said it right when you said you cant make someone love you. maybe the stress of a new baby and family is too much for him at this point in his life. Hopefully he will at least try counseling, to see if he will change his mind. In the end though, he will only do what he wants to do. good luck to you both.

Happy

I disagree with Michelle...splashing someone in the face is an act of disrespect. I would have been upset too. It sounds like the two of you are really stressed and he is not handling it very well. Most men don't like counseling, in my opinion and from my experience, so that is not surprising. Does he have someone like a pastor or his Dad or an uncle you can talk to to help mediate the situation? If so, you could ask for their help and see if he would be willing to sit down with that person to help resolve some difficulties.

I am very sorry you are going through such a rough time, especially this time of year. Don't give up yet. If he is what you want, then fight for him and your family.

mercinineteen

He sounds like my wife just before our marriage completely fell apart. I'll bet you anything the reason he is acting the way he is is becuase he is trying to distance himself from you; I'll bet he is having an affair. His behavior is his way of preparing you for the bad news. Sorry.

As far as the new marriage and the new baby... this should be the happiest time of your life. Yes, marriage takes work and a new child can be stressfull but not to the point of fighting like this. You guys should be happy, excited and working together to raise the baby.

He's up to something (or some other woman).

Tough Guy

Splashing water is not the problem. The problem is you and he are stressed...probably due to money. You need to leave the baby with a family member or close friend for a few days and get your marriage back on track. Do what ever you can to keep it together. Too many young people these days end up with broken families because you can't work it out together. Everyone has problems. You have to give and take...that is marriage or any relationship. Trust me things get easier as you mature so be patient.

lipmode

I am a guy myself and I know that we can be outrageous at times when it comes to some things. The honest answer for anyone to give you was included in your question. And that is you cant force love. You can work towards getting those loving feelings and ways back but it does take the both of you. But the thing is that he has to be willing to work things out, and the most important thing is that you shouldnt try and force talking about things when you just had an argument. It was kind of wrong to leave with the child, my mother did that to my dad but we were gone for five years, some men never get over a woman taking there children from them, especially in a heated moment. You may just need to give him so extra time to really settle down. ANd begin the healing process by just doing the things that made him want to marry you in the first place without discussing it. Most of the time actions speak louder than words, if he sees that you are making an effort to change things he may just fall in line. I hope things get better for you though.

robert2011@sbcglobal.net

You hang in there.You got a daughter that needs you.
Can you two take the emotion out of your discussion concerning your mar rage?
I know it sounds tough but both of you need to put your mar rage on the table and look at it in a cold unemotional way and figure out what's wrong and what's right and how to fix what is wrong.
I was like your husband, once.And in my macho stubbornness lost one of the greatest thing that was to happen to me in my life.
There are few more bitter words than "if I could only turn back the hands of time."
And you, young woman, you developer a plan B.
If homeboy decides to stay stuck on stupid, you figure out what you are going to do.
You might try prayer too.
Seriously, just try it.

Anna Maria M

If you practice some form of faith/religion, now would be a good time to appeal to those forces. You have a lot of 'cyber'support anyway - take care! It will all come to pass and you will be stronger.

Sarah C

You don't want to give up on the marriage but you ran off when he splashed you in the face?I hate to be hard but if he doesn't want to fix it there is nothing you can do.I think its better to realise now than to carry on for a couple of years destroying your self esteem confidence etc and bringing up a daughter in this atmosphere.l think he is being very upfront not a lot of blokes are like that.You may work it out but l wouldn't be all over him ,some time apart is a good idea for starters.

redplumbbabythumb

Sorry you have to be dealing with this during the holidays. Not to add any additional stress, but because he's completely shut off from the idea of getting help or talking about things, he might be having an affair. Often times people will not want to fix something because they've already partly moved on. Does he have a family member or friend you might be able to talk to openly? They may have some insight.
Good luck.

pai

Worry not. Time will settle the problem. Trust in God. Good luck..

jenn_gen719

You just need to go with the flow and follow your heart. maybe he was looking for a way out..sorry to be so blunt...but guys do that. find anyway to get out of something that will make it seem like your fault and not theirs...know what i mean? it is better for the baby to be seperated if all you do is fight too...in the long run all the fighting could hurt the baby. you just need to follow your heart and talk to him...

Yeah Yeah

you sound exactly like me. I used to do that when my bf and i would get into some stupid argument. Honestly I dont think you should've left. you don't even explain the argument so the one who looks kind of dumb is you because the only thing you say he did is splash you with water. you could've just left to the next room not make a scene. but i do understand because like i said i've done that not so long ago. i'd leave and then expect my bf to just be there with open arms. of course he is going to be upset. how would you feel if he would leave for two days for some stupid reason? well i rethink when i want to do something stupid like that because come on, we aren't little kids! those are kids games. you are married now. you cant walk away everytime you dont like something. samething goes for me. he and i live together and we're about to have a kid too so we need to get along. try speaking to him but honestly some men dont have that much patience, my bf does he's taken me back sooo many times after i storm off. think! JUST THINK! good luck!

bg.hard

some marriages are made in hell, others heaven., money, no money, baby, no baby, job, no job. what the h**l does it matter, ? if yah cant get along now, what will it be like in 6 yrs ?? one of the key things to a marriage is $$$$$$$$$$$$$ , really, it is easy to get along when you have a bmw, vacations, clothes, etc,
when you both have to work too hard, you take the frustations out. somehow, somewhere, leave the kid somewhere for the night, get some beer, talk ,, talk, talk, to him, see what he really thinks, it is a real hard life, being single, etc, but it is even harder sleeping in seperate beds, yelling, screaming, all for the sake of $$ , or the kid,, get some counseling, if he won't go, i guess that shows how much he wants to fix it, baby, new marriage, money, etc, makes it hard, good luck, been there

Melanie T

it may be that counseling could help....however, you can't force him to do it. both people have to be willing to do the work to save the marriage. if he's not interested, you can't want it twice as much and hope that it covers for both of you. :

i'm sorry, i really am. i can understand how you really don't want to walk away from this, how much you have invested in it. but if he isn't willing to work with you on things, you can't make a marriage all on your own. i wish you the best.

Shadi (loves candice)

oh...its really tough...u have to be strong, well I think if ur hisband insists on getting a divorce then give it to him BUT u should stay in the house and he leave and u also take the baby..Find a job and raise ur baby with a financial help from ur husband..Try to convince him to stay with u.
I know lots of women who had to raise their kids alone and they were able to raise them in a decent way. Rent a small house and find a job and be a strong, fighting, dependent women...Coz u know Napoleon once said "Behind Every Great man, there is a great women" and i'm sure that indeed u r a great women.

Ms_4peace

Well it's true you can't make people love you......sit down with him for one last time & ask him what he really wants & tell him what you want...when both of you have had your say take a break from eachother for a week or two & think things over....if after that he still wants a divorce then.....i think you should respect his decision and move on....no point in sticking to somthing when both of you don't have the same feelings for eachother.

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