I've beem married for 1 1/2 years we love each other but he is a bit inmature?

Patty

My husband and I are the same way.We are totally different from one another. But that's what attracted me to him in the first place.I am such a serious, down to earth person,and he's a goofy,spontaneous person.When we first started dating,he wanted to party a lot,and I would go with him,not only to be with him,but because I'd never really done that before.After we got married,he wanted to continue drinking and partying,which was fine for a while,but he was doing the same as your hubby.He wasn't looking to the future,and was going from job to job and not being very responsible.As time went on and he wasn't changing,I was starting to get really fed up with it,and even considered divorce.I'm the kind of person who always tries to see both sides of a situation. We married young,and I knew that he was just having a hard time adjusting to married life versus a single life.I finally just sat him down and told him how I felt,that I didn't mind him having his fun at times,but that he really needed to figure out what he really wanted in life the most,our marriage or his freedom again.That really made him think,and I'm happy to say,he chose a married life with me.We've been married 20 years now,and he still occasionally goes out with friends,and that's okay.A married couple needs time apart once in a while.
What I'm trying to say is don't give up now,lissy. You've only been married for a year and a half. Let him know how you feel. Tell him you want to spend more time with him,doing things you both enjoy.Tell him that if he wants the marriage to work,he needs to spend a little more time working on it with you,and not away from you .Men don't mature emotionally as quickly as women do,and if you want this to work,there has to be a compromise that you both can live with.

a_soft_world

Don't ask on yahoo answers, go get a marriage counselor!

trouble

i dont think you are very happy at all and you already know what to do but are afraid to do it, good luck

CeeVee

Hmmm, so just what is about him that you love ?

Your soul-mate must be your best friend, sharing interests, having common goals, wanting to spend time together.

Your current partner doesn't seem to fit the bill at all.

He won't change so you need to decide if you stay or go, it's really that simple.

You don't mention any children so I'm assuming there aren't any yet, so do them a favour and make your mind up before they arrive.

pudgie39759

Well you have two things you could do...
1- Get a divorce and only take him back when you think that he is mature enough. You shouldn't be in a relationship that is annoying you, or that you think that the guy needs some more growing up. Marriage is a serious position, and when two people get marry it is because they are in love and are serious about their love.
2-Get use to it. You're either going to do one or the two. And if you you choose two then you just have to find a way to adjust to his actions. Remember that no one is perfect, but if you can't deal with his antics then do number 1.

Kelly D

I think that you maybe should have spent more time with this man before you married him, but myself and my partner dont have that much in common, we argue and I dont believe that he could be my soulmate, but I love him like mad and would still marry him tomorrow. People who have found their soulmate and get to marry them are lucky and rare indeed. So, focus on what you love about this man, he may not be your soulmate but he is your husband and I can tell that you love him, so you need to find some common ground and develop some interests together. As for the staying out til whatever time and not planning a future, I would find that very annoying, but men mature later than women and he wil come to think of these things in his own time. Just be patient and good luck xx

idiotinlondon

they say opposites attract but doesn't mean they should get married and most men are immature i am the complete opposite of my wife but we have been married 23 years but you 2 sound as tho you have NOTHING in common and never will have try speaking to him about your fears don't just let it drag on.
Good Luck xx

Roger S

I think you should see a marriage councilor before you decide to divorce. Divorce can be messy especially if you have kids. If after getting some help, you still see no future for you and him then ask for a peacefully no problems divorce. Don't try to take him for any money because this is not his fault. I don't think you really love him. If you love your husband you would accept him for who he is. If you can't accept him for who he is, then let him go and find someone else.

me!

and you got married bcause....?

tomtoride

don't let the door hit you in the backside,RUN LIKE HELL AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!

funredheadpartygirl

I would try counceling. But be careful cuz it sounds like he doesn't wanna grow up yet. I feel for you good luck!

guess

he sounds like a bum , when somenone wants marriage it's because they're ready to commit to their partner and for what you're saying he wants to act like a single guy,,and that's not right..,,,he won't change! trust me I have family like that and they say they'll change and it gets worse...move on girlfriend ...i sent you my very best......

GaryUKB

Sounds like this is heading for a divorce court if you don't speak to him. Tell him what you think, he may listen which I doubt. Go to Relate, they might help but get yourself a good solicitor, I think you will need one.

Angel D

Hard to see why you married. My hubby is my soulmate. Shame he is behaving like that

dlmrgnk

Unfortunately, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So, without a LOT of hard work on his part, not to mention help, what you see is what you get. It appears that "immature" is a very mild term. Might irresponsible work? There is no easy answer and you might not want to let others, particularly on YA, make your decision for you. Not all decisons are slam dunks are they?

kobie65

Why did you marry him if the 2 of you don't have anything in common?maybe it is time to seriously look at your relationship.

katelondon_uk

I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. You are not a wife but a substitute mum. You must try to step out of the box and think what you would advise a friend in the same situation. Unfortunately it took me a long time to do that and I must be a slow learner because it took me 16 unhappy years before I divorced him. As women we try to lead by example but the nicer you are and show how you would like things to be the more he just drains you of your good intentions. Eventually you will loose any respect you have for him and then the love dies. Sad but true. Unless you want to be in the same situation in 5 or even 10 years from now, with kids and debts making things even worse - you should think seriously about ending the relationship now. It may be painful now but you will look back with relief that you escaped in time before he drags you down with him. He will not change. You are not the cause or the solution to other people's problems. Best of Luck.

honest guy

I feel for ya, I have a friend in exactly the same situation, asking the exact same question. They have been together for 5 years and married for one but she has done all the fighing for there marrige. The advice I gave her was to stop figting, she's worn herself out trying to keep a marrige that he obviously dosen't want. If she and you continue to fight, you'll only ware yourself out and the end result will be the same. If you have not tried marrige counciling the give that a shot before you throw away your marrige, it might help. I wish you luck and hope that you will find the best answer with time.

good tree

I think marriage is worth working on. Some of this sounds familiar, and my husband ended up having an affair. To avoid this, please follow this link, get your husband to look at it with you when you have got the idea. It will give you a guide to making your marriage work.

ThePlayboy0

It's not up to us it's up to you. Obviously you feel that there is something wrong or you wouldn't be asking about it. One thing about marriage is that the two people are supposed to grow and learn together. If you grow apart then you grow apart.

Have you tried talking to him about how you are feeling? If he immediatly gets on the defensive then there is a little bit of hope because he already knows he is screwed up and he is probably just lazy. If it has never crossed his mind and you have to start to make him think about how he will succeed in life then you have huge problems.

Tell him that he needs to get his $hit together or you done with him. If he doesn't make it a point to kick things into gear then he doesn't have enough respect for you or your wants and needs and then you should drop him like a bad habit.

travelguruette

Marriage is supposed to be forever. How old is he? Still in the young partying stage? He most likely will grow out of it but no guarantee. Men always seem less mature than women. Unfortunately, too many people rush into marriage. You could try counseling but he needs to want to change.

cristanine

I think if your are the mainstream in his life he would treat you that way with the upmost respect and honor you could ask for. When a Man does not do that to a woman...your not the one for him.
Move on!!!

swtz69drmz

Sounds like you jumped into marrying the guy without finding out all of his bad habits. Believe me, you cannot change him. The only thing you can do if you truly love him and want it to work out is to talk to him about some of the issues and feelings you are having about his behavior. Women tend to be more mature about some things and sometimes it takes a really strong woman to lead the relationship. Good luck!

Scabius Fretful

You are in a situation that is not going to get any better - it is, in fact, probably going to worsen. Leave him as soon as possible and file for divorce. You can do so much better than him.

Shining Ray of Light

Not all married people have found their soul mate in their partner. That doesn't mean the marriage can't work though. Just so you know, some men never grow up. If you love him, you must learn to accept things about him that you don't necissarily agree with. He probably has some complaints about you too. It's okay that he likes to party, but he really should reconsider staying home with the family he has now. That's what happens when you get married, you give up part of your social life and get to know your mate inside and out, then, you go out and party together (not ALL the time). Sit down and talk with him about ya'll's future...it's not just his now, you both have to look into saving money, budgets, etc. It's not two seperate incomes anymore, they're combined, and you'd like some sense of stability when it comes to your future. It's a good thing that you have such different tastes, just as long as you're both open minded, you can learn a lot from each other! About him staying out until 7am, this would have to stop. I'd want my hubby in the bed with me every night, not out acting like he's single....that life stops when you tie the knot. You just really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about how you feel, as his feelings should matter to you too. Good luck in love and life!

saywot?

many young men ,go out like that ,for reasons that only they really know.partly i think it is to prove to his friends that marriage has not changed him , and that he is in control. the problem is ,that deep down he knows that he has given the reins to someone else, but he still wants to choose the course.
i don't think it makes him immature or bad,as in a few years he can have outgrown it, and then may be the dream hubby. he obvioulsy hasn't got it out of his system ,and i think if he does now ,he is less likely to be a party animal later. on the other habd i do think that he should have spoken to you before marriage of how these things would work.
try and see if you can make an ultimatum with him, where he only goes say on a friday after a long hard week of work. trying to deny him altogether is not going to get you anywhere.

by all means youshould get on with your life and ambitions,and when you are getting somewhere with your goals, you will know if it is time to kick him to the curb. you need to decide what you want from life, from marriage and then see if it is going to happen.i have had many young friends with the same problems,and depending on their relationship ,they are able to work it out or eventually get divorced.

all of us answering you, do not really know how you are as a couple or why he behaves like that, so it will have to be something you think more about. good luck , you obviously want it all, and there's nothing wrong with that!

shiy

Zippy should shut his mouth and put some clothes on before he put down others.. Well what do you want? short pain or long pain? He is who he is. He'll change on his own one day. Can you wait that long?

Starflower

Most men are immature, but this guy sounds downright disrespectful! Tell him how you feel and if things don't change go to a marriage guidance councellor. If you aren't happy why prolong the agony?

EVY

talk to him he is you husband

Indianna

I don't think men ever grow up really. Try and work on your marriage. Take the good with the bad. Noone is perfect.

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