I am 31 years old, and my husband is 34..We currently have no children..?

tan0301

My husband and I are both in our 30's, married 14 years, no children... no real desire for children on my part.. maybe occasionally on his, but when we discuss it, he always says no. We, like you, have animals that we baby. Truthfully, I don't really enjoy other peoples children and how they let them run wild and undisciplined. The only people that see anything wrong with being childless is the people who aren't childless and have the time I think they are just envious of the freedom that our choices have given us to pursue our passions. So no, I do not think there is anything wrong with you and I applaud your decision to think it through and not just have a child, because everyone is doing it and it is expected of you.

Congratulations for living your life the way you want to rather than the way society may pressure you to live it!!!

Itrolla

Do what ever you want. I enjoy the freedom and so should you.

calendargirl

I think you are smart for not having children when you truly aren't ready for them. Women are having children older and older these days. Don't worry about your clock, it will wind when the time is right. Enjoy your freedom now and when you have children you will love them more for it.

Mab

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children and just being content with where you are. You guys are happy where you are, there is nothing wrong with that, children aren't for everyone.

Master and Commander

have children on your own timetable. but be aware that the older you get, the health and medical factors begin working against you, infertility will eventually become an issue....the biological clock is ticking.....

Erin Z

I don't see anything wrong with that and I am glad you are both on the same page ...that is so great:) I know a few couples who have gotten married and don't want children and they are very successful couples and are happy with their lives.

Jay

I have friends that chose to not have children and that choice works very well for them and their lifestyles.

Too many people have children because that is what society seems to expect of them when they enter committed relationships.

You may know very well what you want and only question yourselves because of input/judgements from your friends and family. Also, you may be questioning because the time is rapidly approaching when it will be too late to change your mind.

Society has a way of making "child-less couple" sound like something very sad, when for many couples it is cause for celebration.

Angela B

You know, I thought that I never wanted kids and I got pregnant with my daughter and she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm still successful and I still go on trips and we have pets and do all the things we want to do but the kids just add to our lives.

That being said, there's a lot of stuff I miss. I miss not worrying about everything in the world. And I miss the energy. In the end it's worth it, but there's not a thing in the world wrong with you. Kids aren't for everyone and that's okay. Just do what is right for you and make sure hubby's on the same page.

italienne

More power to you. Kids, while rewarding, can sap the life out of you, wait as long as you want.

eeyore6838

Hunny, there is nothing wrong with your your husband. Its good that you both get to spend time with each other, and are taking a smart approach to the family issue, by talking about it. You sound like you have a great relationship with your man. Way to go..

cute_chica

Don't feel bad a lot of couples these days go all their lives without having children for the same reason. I know couples who have been married since their early 20's, now in their 30's, and they still don't want kids. If you don't feel you're ready to have children or that it's not the right time then you should feel happy that you can be smart enough to realize that. The last thing you want is to have a child you don't have time for, as we all know they are a big responsibility. DON'T FEEL BAD!!

I feel the exact same way. I never really wanted to have children either. Do what you want.

Mabe

What would be wrong would be to have children that you don't really want. If you don't want children, don't have them. This is actually fairly common now.

Daisy.

what is the rush you are still young, but do not forget it is so much fun taking your children on trips. There little brains soak up all those experiences you can offer them, they are not trouble they are so much fun. And look at it this way you will have a lot of babysitters with all your friends kids getting older. Also kids do not stop you from success it is just someone else to enjoy the benefits.

dream in pink

children can be wonderful. a miracle. a gift from God above. they can also be a nightmare, break your heart in so many places you never knew you could feel such pain and sorrow, destroy you financialy , emotionally, and mentally. I know. I've lived with both sides of the coin. Having children is a HUGE commitment, more than anyone ever truly comprehends until they are in the midst of it. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. No one, including yourselves, should make you feel guilty that you are happy and satisfied with being the two of you. I think you have an excellent idea in re-evaluating every 6 mo. or so how you feel. Truthfully, I think if you were going to get the baby urge, it would've happened to the both of you by now. I know plenty of happy people that have opted not to have children. And yes, dogs can feel just like hairy little children. The difference is, they will never talk back to you, have others over while you are gone and get into the liquor cabinet, or have the police knocking at your door at 3am telling you one of your little darlings is in jail. And dogs are always greatful for any attention they get, are thrilled to see you every time you walk through the door, and don't badger you for more money. There's a LOT to be said for having dogs over kids. The biggest drawback to not having children is when you grow older you could end up feeling lonely when all the other families you know are having their kids and grandkids over for the holidays, or looking out for them in their old age. On the OTHER hand, you could have 4 kids and 9 grandkids who live all over the country and never visit, and only call when they need money! There is NO guarantee that your kids will "take care of you in your twilight years." I would suggest you save for the future so you will be able to afford good care for yourselves when you reach that age. Retire in a community with plenty of other senior citizens (Florida, Arizona) who enjoy each other's company and can look out for each other. DO NOT let family or friends push you into something they are all doing. It might work out great for them, and you may feel a child is an anchor around your neck. Now, having said all this, you probably think I HATE being a mother. We waited 8 years to have a child, and at first it was the most amazing, miraculous experience of my life. And we neither one thought we wanted to be parents. It just happened. I adored her. My husband was none too thrilled, and frankly, made a crappy father. That, and ADD put our daughter into a tailspin of about 10 years of pure hell. There was nothing she wouldn't try, and it is nothing short of a miracle that she survived herself. BUT I hung in there, and tried to keep her alive and get her back on a path of sanity (notice i said I-hubby was of precious little help during all this-he chose to ignore her) She did hit rock bottom, and finally realized some serious changes had to be made. She is 20 now, and I stand amazed on a daily basis at how far she has come, and the woman she is growing into. Because I stood by her every agonizing inch of the way, in spite of the screaming fights and battles, she knew I loved her then, as now. There's hardly a day goes by she doen't thank me for being faithfully there, and saving her life. We are so close we sometimes feel we share a common brain/heart. I thank God every day that He gave me this miracle child back and that we have this amazing bond. But I am one of the blessed ones. I have many friends/acquaintances out there whose children are grown adults and still live shattered lives that are breaking their parents hearts. SO, where does that leave you? I wanted you to know all the in's and out's, the positives and negatives of bringing a child into your life. There truly are no guarantees. I hope this somehow helps you out with the momentous decision you are dealing with. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide and hope you both (and your sweet furry babies) live long, healthy, HAPPY lives!

I think that whether you want to have children or not is a very personal choice. Everybody is different. Not everybody wants to have kids, and that's perfectly OK. You have to do what makes you happy.

NANCY J

don't let other people make you feel bad, keep living your life the way you are doing it and prepare your self financially for your future and have kids when you are ready. Pet by the way are a great way to prepare for someday when you have kids. enjoy yourself now, because when you do have kids, you will be giving up a lot, it is great but it is hard work.

Its all about romance

There is nothing wrong with you, its just simply that you have different goals. In this world there are a lot of people looking for different things, thats why we have scientists, doctors, mechanics, etc. Because we all have different goals. Some people like myself all we want is a family and a house with kids and a great relationship full of love with the couple and things like that memories, some people want to travel and see all the world with a special someone. I think that if you dont see yourself with kids and dont having them because of that it shows a lot of maturity and a lot of rational thought. Im proud of you too. Just try yourselves to be happy and dont worry about that there is nothing wrong. Good Luck

Ricardo

Don't have kids. Unless you are into having children, they are incredibly time consuming, take every ounce of energy, time, and money. And, while you love almost every minute, they change your life forever. And, who knows, you could have one that is handicapped, sick, or turns out to be a juvenile delinquent or drug addict, or mentally ill. You just never know. It could be a nightmare. So, count your blessings you are happy, and be happy.

bunny

The worst thing about this life - are the numerous couples and individual who HAVE children and trust me, should have never been allowed to procreate! <too bad no laws against it for the sake of CHILDREN!>

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the two of you. So you don't want a child, so what? Your choice. Your business.
The status quo of society ISN'T for all, nor should it be. It is a tremendous responsibilty, a great deal of work and very costly to raise children to 18 years of age and do it responsibly.

I'm glad you to do a "self check" now again - that you feel he is being honest with you and you him - because if that weren't the case? It could backfire big time on one of you...So you two truly do need to ensure you KNOW this is what one another wants. The fact is, you may change your mind in a couple of years or longer, or you may never.

And please remember, if that should occur? There are a myriad of ways to contribute to a child's life (i.e., being a great Aunt or Uncle for one...) rather than have your own. Even adopting later...

I think you and he are fine from your message here...just remember to stay in touch with one another - don't make your work lives your complete focus - reserve that time together to avoid growing apart and reinforcing your love for one another.

Sincerely,

Grace

Louise C

it's really up to you whether you have children or not. If you are both happy with the way things are then that's fine.

Dogs and cats are lovely, but alas, they get old and die very quickly. You need to prepare yourself for that. Mercifully, children mostly grow up and live nowadays. What I mean is, dogs and cats are great, but they're not a substitute for children.

pitchingcoach

Whatever works for the two of you is fine. It's no one else's concern. Don't be harassed into thinking you've got to have children.

Live Laugh And Love

No there is absouletly Nothing Wrong with either one of you for not knowing if you really want children.

You Guys are obviously Happy with the way that things are and your both still open to it at some point and you just want to take your time and decide whether it's something that you both want or that you both are ready for

That's a great way of doing it. This Way You are keeping the lines of communication open the lines of possiblity open and making sure that you are ready for that responsiblity

Nothing wrong with that at all.

JustMe

There is nothing wrong with not having or wanting children. Some of your friends probably envy you but won't admit it. Children come with a lot of responsibility and no manual. I commend you and your husband for talking about this together and wanting to plan together. Its so important in today's society to do so. God bless you and your husband in your future endeavors and remember if you fail to plan you plan to fail. God bless

proudwifeandmom

Personally I love my life as a mother and wouldn't have it any other way. With that being said though, you are entitled to live your life the way you want. You are an adult and do as so please. Don't worry about what other people think? People are gonna talk no matter what. Just do what makes you and your hubby happy and screw the rest.

Holly Golightly

I think that by you guys agreeing to set aside time every six months to address this life changing event you are showing far more maturity and foresight than many other spontaneous breeders out there. Also, by revisiting the issue often you are granting each other the opportunity to speak, think and soul search ahead of time. When and if the time is right for both of you, this kind of planning and consideration will serve you and your partner and child (should that be your choice) well. Good Job!

Olivia

People with kids may think there's something wrong with you, or that you're selfish. But it's your life, and your decision. Just remember that if you decide never to have babies that one day, you'll be old. And who will you have then? No kids to visit, no grandchildren. Just something to think about. However, you aren't too old and if you want to give your career a few years then that's perfectly fine. Or if you decide never to have them that's fine too. Do what you want. There's nothing wrong with you, but I must admit most women feel a need to have a baby. So it is a bit strange (in my eyes) that you don't want any. For your husband though, being a man, it's more common to not want any kids. It's convincing the wife to not want any is the hard part.

bubbles

There isn't anything wrong with not wanting children. I think it is great that you decided to bring it up every six months since you haven't totally ruled out kids. You have plenty of time in case you change your mind. If you want to try out to see if having kids would be for you, offer to babysit for the weekend for one of your friends. You must be selfless to have kids and put them before yourself and it sounds like you aren't ready for that yet. Remember you can take kids on any major trip you like as long as you can afford it. They will conform to your family life. Just don't feel like you have to have kids because others are.

mysty_1969

There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting children. Many people look at life the way you do. If you are happy with your life the way it is that is great. There is no requirement that anyone have children, and the world is too full of children as it is. So do your own thing, follow your desires, and do not worry about what other people do or think. It is your life, live it as you see best for you.

thezaylady

Just because you weren't made from the same cookie cutter as your friends, does not mean you don't belong in the cookie jar.
To each their own and welcome to the human race, however you are.

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