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Vetta
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Dear please interpret this for me,
I would not jump the gun too much but I can tell you from experience. Most guys who are either divorce or divorce with kids are looking for a women who has some experience with either being divorced or having the experience of having children as well. For that reason is simple. He is looking for someone who will potentially help him in raising his children along with him. I had one guy tell me who was a single father of two kids who lived with him. He said that he would never date a women who did'nt have kids because most of the time the single women was selfish and only thinking of herself and plus he wanted to have some one who understood his responsiblities in taking care of his kids.... Meaning he might not have the time available as the women would who did have kids nor the experience in understanding his situation completely. With your age difference too... that may play another factor as well.
I would'nt say give up on this single dad that you are dating... but I surely would consider a bunch of things for your benefit. Number one can you deal with his children? Would you be able to deal with his children living with him or coming to visit with him? Factor in if he has to pay child support. Think about that he will often times have to make decisions based on his children before he can obligate himself to you and committ perhaps the way he can not at this time. The other thing is to consider is the Holidays, that plays a huge roll when you have children. That's alot to ask of you being 28 years of age with no kids. You did'nt mention if he was divorced but the other thing that comes to mind, did he ever marry his children's mother or are there more than one mother. Look at the entire picture and see what you are getting yourself into. If you think he is worth everything that you are willing to sacrfice then I say go for it.. Another thing too.. for him to have 3 kids already does he want more children. IF you two remain in the relationship are you okay with only having his kids for your own or do you want children of your own with him one day. Talk to him and let him understand where you are and where you want to be with him.
Good luck to you... I will honestly say he would be the lucky one and not you. |
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QT4U2NV
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you have to ask him...we cant read his mind and we werent there...sorry |
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Mrs. Naumann
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If you want a guy with children open up and step up. your not there mom but this guy is gonna wanna know you can love his kids and you can be there for them. If you want this jump right in. Think about what you want. No person is ready for kids until you have them and you learn everything. |
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WesD
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it may not be right...you have to understand that his priority are those kids not you. It might not be what you want to hear but it is true. Good luck. |
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Heather
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I'm dating someone who has a kid, and I had no experience AT ALL.
In time, though, I learned how to interact with the kid, and learned a bunch of other stuff.
You may need to have a talk with him, and just tell him its going to take some time to get used to it, and that it will work out because you love him and want his kids to like you. |
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Abby Corneto
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OK. Call up Single Dad and say this:
"Hi, *Single Dad. How are you?"
"Good... *la la la."
"Listen, I know what your friends said about me not having much expirience with children, and I don't. But I'm willing to try and learn, because your kids seem great."
EASE HIM INTO IT. He will feel better if you offer to play with the kids one day, or to have an All-Kids day. It'll make him feel like you get along with his kids great. |
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The Wife
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It could be that you have no experience with kids. Were you awkward and uncomfortable, maybe he picked up on that and it's concerning him. If you want to be with him, you are going to have to like and be comfortable around his kids. |
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RWR
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Move very slowly, 3 kids is a real big issue you both will need to get over sooner or later.
Good luck. |
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C V
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Ask him.
If anything, he's probably worried you'll be run off by his kids. I'm sure he's insecure about it.
Good luck. |
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Michelle
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I think that after 1 day if he doesn't understand that you don't have a lot of experience with children and need time, then he needs to get over himself. I know it's kind of harsh, but really, what did he expect? You to become and instant Mom? Hopefully he'll think about it and come to his senses that you will get used to the children and that it'll just take time. I'm sure he'll be fine. Just give it a month or so... |
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420 Jenn
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I would take things slow. Maybe plan the next "family" date for the park or the beach where more interaction with the kids can happen. They are young and it is easy to get to know them. Plese be understanding of his hesitation also, it is hard to see your children get attached to someone and then suddenly that person is not intheir lives anymore. |
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PureKittenLover
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Hes a little old but if you like him thats ok cus this woman i know is 40 and her husbend is 52! Talk to the guy and ask him about the kids and what they like and stuff and if theyre happy with you. Get the kids a present so they feel more comfortable with you. |
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Love Me Or Hate Me...I Dont Care
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If you want to be with him, you will ahve to take the intiaitive to step up and find a way to ahve fun with his kids...He probably didn't know exactly how you felt and probably felt sad that you were kind of left out in a way because you don't have that child experience. Best suggestion, if you do want to be with him, step up and do some research online or talk to friends...
If you don't like children, or don't take a move in that step, it may not work out...Good Luck. |
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Monique
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Well i dont think he sees anything wrong just discouraged by what his friends said. friends opinions put a impact on the person if they start to hate on you but yet again i wouldn't know but show him you could be a good mommy and show him you have a playfull said and that should help you in the long run |
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JODIE_A.
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I don't think that he likes your hair or the way you exit the room by shouting, "toodles" in an upper class British accent. |
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amy s
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they have lots of books and classes out there to teach you how to interact with kids but the best thing to do is to have more outings together and then you will all bond and don't give up you might miss out on something great!!! |
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love's a state of mind
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He might be a little nervous because you are unsure how to act around children, but give it a chance. Its not hard to warm up to kids, especially little ones :) Just be glad he doesn't have teenagers, that'd be a toughy. |
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Lucy
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Some people have a natural gift when it comes to children, others have to learn it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, many parents are still learning how to deal with their children well after they're born. As long as you're not being malicious or overtly annoyed with the children, I don't see why he would be scared. Learning your role will take patience and time; as a father, I'm sure he knows that. |
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Nicole S.
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Well for 3 kids and 3 different age groups...you have to be very experienced, if your not, i'm not sure if it will work out for you two. Maybe he will think he's continuing to do everything on his own, and want a divorce. I'm sorry, maybe you could take classes on kids or something? =) |
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Wow
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Tell him the exact words you wrote here. Its what your heart tells you to say isnt it? Tell him you are eager to learn, just because you've never had a baby doesn't mean you don't have any motherly instincts!!
Good luck!
peace and love |
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dpepperdrinker
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I think they are right why are you sweating over a guy with three kids. Run! |
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yvette
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Did you ask him about it? He is really the only one who can answer your questions. Tell him your fears and that you are willing to learn how to have a relationship with his little ones. Let him know you don't have a lot of experience but are open to suggestions he has. If you two get serious, does he want more kids?? Might be something to think about if you want kids. |
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sisternvirginia
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If I were a single parent, I would not introduce my children to a person I was dating unless I was serious. Some people don't see it that way. You need to have a talk with him and see if this is going anywhere. |
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rkrell
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What you have to realize about someone who has kids is that their first though is not about their attraction to you but about what is best for their kids. I think all you can do is assume that if he still wants to see you that he feels there is a chance that things will work out. If not then you just have to respect his choice. |
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Amos S
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your stepping off into instant motherhood of 3 children.It takes more than being able to play with them.Are you SURE you can handle the responsibility?
Added:
The thumbs down tells me no. |
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Jack D
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No, they wouldn't automatically think you're not a good match. The more right question is: Are you a potential Partner, or are you a potential Plaything - and neither of those two is a 'wrong' answer; they're just different ends. Friends with children naturally have a vested interest in 'long-term views' and might, without knowing more about you and your relationship with 'him', assume or consider you to be 'short-term'; therefore, not worth putting a lot of time and energy into knowing. Don't worrry about 'lack of experience with children' - when they were first born, he didn't have any experience with them either. And he only has a 20+ month lead on you with his youngest.
The greatest predictor of long-term success in a relationship seems to be Birth Order (Google it); supposedly, those relationships where she is the oldest in her family, with younger brothers and he is the youngest in his family, with older sisters are by far the most stable, long term. I can't speak to that; I'm the second oldest of all boys. |
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Karen
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You are going to have to carefully consider this relationship. Once you are dating a man with children, especially those ages, the children are most definitely part of the package.
Are you willing to share your time with him with the children? Do you want to have children yourself? How will you feel if you are both married and money is short and your joint money has to go towards his kids for clothes, school etc.?
Of course he will have to make decisions in his kids best interests about dating you. Why don't you start out very honesty and ask him how he feels? Tell him exactly how you feel as well. Trust me you need to be able to talk about these issues honestly if you are to have any kind of a future together. |
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colin
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hey, well i just got a step mom and shes realy hovry all ways making shure evry littel thing is prfict, i hate it lol, but thay are younger so thay will have time to get to know you my dad just got amried a month after my parents got devorced, but remember younger kids have big dreams and encurege them i still have the same dream i had when i was littel do be a director and now im in a film class and love evry bit of it but i have freainds whos parents werent so supoded and there just lazzy sllobs i dont know if theis helps but good luck. srry about the spelling i have dislexea and yes i know thers a spell check but i hate the thing :P |
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♥Kristy H♥
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Y don't you just talk to him. Ask him how he thought it went with his kids? Tell him how you think it went and what you think about the situation. Tell him how you feel. |
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Shanickwa
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He probably just thinks you need to get to know the kids which you do.
Even if you dont really them once you warm up to them and hang out im sure you'll become friends because children that yound are easy to be friends with and when the guy ur dating see's that he'll aprreciate that you can bond with his kids and open up a little more!
I hope i helped! and Good luck!
;D |
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J S
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I think that he was in his own way sizing you up on that day. kind of Seeing how well you would interact with his children. However, I seriously doubt that he would judge you soley on that day and end it if it was a discouraging day for him or not. The best answer is just give it some time. Things get easier if it's meant to be- and if it's not -you'll know that soon enough too. Take it from a single mom near your age. Hang in there! |
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