I am going to leave my husband of 24 years. How can I tell him with the least emotional fallout?

Bill

Tell him you found a new boyfriend and he's a black crack dealer. He'll head for the hills - trust me on this one.

Millie A

Give him your email question.....I think it is more than clear! Those are serious issues and real reasons as to why you want to leave him. I am newly married and am trying to avoid many of these marriage pitfalls by nipping it in the butt from the beginning. It is very hard to do, but I have learned from past experiences, that if you don't address issues upfront, they do nothing but eat away at you more and moreand they also get bigger and worse with time. I refuse to be miserable in my life to keep someone else happy. I am determined to make the most of my life, because I too am important in my relationship and afterall, life is way too short!
By the way.....I doubt you can make this easy.....because it won't be...but sit him down, talk to him face to face from the heart and if you have trouble remembering what you want to say...write it down like you did with this email.

â™«Pavicâ™«

just leave. he will get angry, yes, but at least you won't be there to see that. plus he will deal more easy with the situation, when he gets your point. if he has done all the things that you've mentioned, he doesn't deserve an explanation.

s_ransom_2006

Best way to handle it is to tell him in public. he most likely will not want to make a fool of himself in front of so many people. If he does, oh well. He will be the one that looks silly, not you. Or you could just pick up one day and leave without saying anything until after the fact. there are a million ways to do it but if he is the kind of person you present him to be then a gentle approach isn't really worth it anyway. Just tell him and leave. Doesn't sound like he deserves much better than that anyway.

Samantha A

You have made your list of all the reasons why you want to leave but then you say, "he'll be crushed if you leave". I have a horrible husband but the good out weights the bad. I am not done kicking his *** but...
You so don't want to be the bad guy here so I say..Marriage counseling full stop. This gives you both the second chance you are screaming for. This will let him know you are serious and a safe area to voice your issues.
If he doesn't change, leave.
If he refuses to go to counseling, tell him you will leave and it isn't open for discussion.
Oh yeah and one last thing....go to the court house and get the forms. Fill the forms out. Find a marriage counseler and make an appointment.
On the table you have a divorce papers and an appointment card. Tell him to pick . ALso have some bags packed in open view and most important, FOLLOW THRU or he will never take you serious !

Sally Can Wait

Wow this man sounds like a real winner. Tell him you're sick of supporting his lazy ***, and that you're leaving him. But you have to be prepared to go through with it, it can't be an idle threat. Don't kid around, either stay with him or don't. I can garuntee you that if he hasn't gotten a job at SIXTY then he never will, never. I'm 19 and I work full time.

melbel

First let me commend you on sticking it out as long as you have. I know we are strangers but I really feel like I know where you're coming from. I too have divorced two men only to be facing 40 with no savings or 401K. . . nothing. It's amazing to me how long women will stay with a man just hoping and praying he will change. . . but they never do. My advice to you is to tell him as matter of factly as you can and try not to yell or get emotional. This will only make YOU feel worse. Take control of the situation from the very beginning. I would even go as far as to have a divorce lawyer ready and waiting to draw up the papers. And with both your names on things like cars and the house I'll tell you now it's going to be very difficult if he contests it. That's why it's important to not get emotional or mad. He must know the possibility of you leaving was inevitable. Especially if he never bothered to try harder. Anyway, good luck to you. If you need someone to talk to you can email me. I'll listen.

there is no way of making it easier. you have been married for a long time. you just need to come out and tell the truth and that will be best way for the both of you

yup

a divorce

lukecamelo

***** now that his inheritance is gone u gonna leave him now women like u is y men shouldn't get married ****

I luv my kids

Ok, I am in a similar situation. I have been married 38 years and I told my husband 2 days ago we are through. He must have had somewhat of a clue because he asked me if there was any hope left for us and I said no. He got up and said, well, I might as well leave now and he went to his mothers. He did come home yesterday to get his mail. ( Publishers Clearing House crap) And he is home now but we haven't spoken yet. I realize that he needs time to clear his head since I have thought about nothing else for 15 years. I don't know what is next. I wish you luck and please email me if you'd like to chat.

kayrae_n_jimmy

You cannot remove or avoid the pain of this breakup. It's your choice and you need to hold your ground no matter what your choice is. It will be difficult and you may change your mind several times but if you've decided in your heart what you need to do, YOU MUST STICK TO IT. You cannot continue living a false life and pretending to be happy. You will ALWAYS look back and wonder why didn't I leave.

You cannot continue to allow him to rely on luck or chance to get you by in life, you must be strong and begin to take charge of your life and do it the way you need to. Even though you are facing your 60's you still have lots of life to live and you should make it the best you can. Do not continue to struggle with him and try to just get by. You can do it. I know you can!

You say that he is not abusive but the fact that he has not taken responsibility and laid all of the on you, IS ABUSIVE. Mentally, emotionally, who's fault will it be when things DON"T work out? Yours of course, because you didn't continue to support him. You deserve better than that. If you have been taking such good care of him for this long, imagine how well you can finally treat yourself in the years to come :)

A. M

The only advise I can give is to tell him straight up I'm leaving you, and then tell him why. If that doesn't work then I don't know what else to tell you.

aprilc232

I know of people married for 40 years that have divorced for basically the same problem. Staying together for a child's sake was very unselfish of you. I commend you for putting up with an unhappy marriage for your child's sake.

As for the emotional fallout, it will happen but maybe not as badly since no children are at home and custody won't be an issue. As for your husband, he is very lucky to have had you for as long as he has. You can't live a life that isn't making you happy or not fulfilling your needs. I would hope that you can express your feelings of unhappiness to him. Tell him that you're drained physically, emotionally, and financially. Tell him that you were hoping for a secure life with him, but haven't found that.

Always start your conversations with "I" ... don't be up in his face with "you"... example... I am not happy. If I had financial security within our marriage, I would stay. I don't feel like this marriage is a partnership. I feel....

Don't say... You aren't worth the ink on our marriage certificate. You are a worthless, lazy, good for nothing....

I know that latter may make you feel better, but don't demean him when you tell him. If you need to write down your feelings before you tell him. Be assertive. You can do it.

dude

So what happened to 'for rich or for poor'? You should have left him earlier...now you are really dumping him because he is broke.

spydurwuman

First, Pray...all problems have solutions but it would be perfect if we ask the divine intervention and for sure GOD always lead our path in a direction he wants us to be. If the only reason is financial problem I guess you can talk about it, ask him what he wants and tell him too want you want and meet in the middle so u resolve the problem.
HIs your husband and even if he cheated on you...look! you guys are still together and its a part of a relationship that once in our lives we made mistakes, we hurt the ones we love. Forgiveness is the answer in everything and moving on. GOD bind you together with love. You might only be deceived by your feels that you no longer love him but if you search you heart you will find that love is still there and it will always be there.
Prayer is a weapon that GOD has given to us use it and practice it.

Andy29Pandy

My goodness my marriage is only seven years but the exact situation and I made the decision this year I just sat him down and I didnt make him feel bad or anything I just said that it was time for us to go our seperate ways and that he is not a bad person but just not good for me and that I wished him all the best that there would be no bad words that I would tell anyone about him and that it is time for him to grow up but at his own course without my constant urging or nagging anymore.

I see you

How about just taking a break for a while. Go visit someone for two weeks and let him ponder the situation. Strange, a lot of people over 50 are having the same problems after so many years of marraige. Now is not a good time to split up too quickly, uncertant times are upon us. You've had a horrible relationship with this fool. Fight for more rights, and please show him this message, and prepare yourself financially as best you can, instead of "running way".

gun man

tell him?don't,just leave it works better and there can be no arguing.

Apple Blossom

{{{hugs}}} Even with all you said, you have feelings for him or you wouldn't care about hurting him.

I would just sit him down and just flat out tell him the truth.

I'm sure it will work out. And please don't waste anymore time girl!

Get out there and enjoy the rest of your life while you can!!!

good luck!!

BlueFire

While I appreciate your question, I think you should be more focused on what you are going to do with you and the rest of your life. It sounds to me that you have lived a loveless marriage for the sake of your child and have put up with more than most would have.
By this, I can tell you have a good heart and care about others and that in itself is a wonderful asset to have.

As for 'how'....I'm sorry to say, but having to tell him in any fashion will be difficult. But if you do care, tell him at a time where you two can be alone and not have outside interference. It might even benefit you to tell him on a Friday, and go out of town a few days to let it all settle in.
Sorry to hear of your situation, and i wish you the best.

Columcille

before you leave him, ask yourself why you married him in the first place. Why did you promise to be with him in the good and bad until death do you part all those years ago? Did you mean that? Have you tried counseling? I'm not saying don't divorce him, but how about don't divorce him right now? Sounds like you've spent more of your life with him that without, would be a shame to die alone.

princess angel 2207

i think that it is best you say together, you have been together for a long time, and never left him.

glw

just make sure that you have all your ducks in a row before you tell him (money set aside, place to stay, etc). And tell him in a public place in case he freaks out and gets physical.

other than that, just tell him straight up. don't sugar coat it. be strong.

by the way, do you live in Florida? just a guess.

suzieq

There is no easy way. This is going to be hard to do - for you, for him, and for your child.

Sure, he's going to be crushed. He's not only losing his wife and family base, he's losing his enabler. You may consider seeking family couciling. They can help you both put this chapter of your life aside, and move forward.

â™ â™£â™¥Rogueâ™£â™¥â™

Sit him down when both are in decent moods with a bag of clothes packed for yourself. Tell him your leaving him and this has been a long time coming. There is no easy way to leave after 24 years. Good luck

JennyJ

Explain to him everything you just said. Good Luck, hope everything works out.

iyamacog

Have him served with divorce papers. Go take in a movie, while that is being accomplished.

NutstersChick

No easy cop out I'm afraid!
Bull by the Horns & tell him it may give him the wake-up call He needs 2 face life & the facts.
UR unhappy, leave & make UR self happy, U deserve some happiness at UR time of life.
Good Luck!
:)

News like this, with what you two have been through, there really is no way to quantify it with "the least" emotional angst; it's going to be there regardless, no matter how much you wish or don't with it to be. My suggestion? Think about what you are doing, list what the outcomes could be, and once you've run the possibilities in your head, sit him down, explain your decision - he'll ask why - and go forth. He may try everything he can to stop you, but I'm sure you have support around you; prepare for the worst because it may happen.

Bubba

That's a tough one. I'm not sure there is an easy way. You will probably be in for a lot of emotional angst no matter how you approach him. Like most things it will be better to just tell him and get it over. Good luck

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